Today's status... NOT GOOD.
Yesterday F took a 4.5hour nap, since she had no other naps all day I thought this would be ok..
I put her down at 9pm (as soon as I was able to get her asleep) and she slept until about 11pm and then woke up, I fed her a bottle and she went back to sleep, I prepared a 2nd bottle pumped and went to bed, at 1:15 she woke up this is way to early! from that point until 4am i was up with her every hour, she would go back to sleep really easily, not eating very much but just waking for some reason. At 4am I decided she felt warm so I switched the blanket she was swaddled with and fed her again this time she ate the whole bottle whereas before it took her waking every hour to eat the whole thing. After her bottle she fell asleep I put her in her crib as normal and went to bed.
It took her 30mins to eat, and it took me another 30mins to fall asleep, why? who knows!
So at about 5am I finally fell asleep and C wakes up at 6:58am saying he needs to go potty, I would have ordinarily let him figure it out himself but before bed last night he insisted on wearing zip up pjs that I know he can't get off alone... so i go to him, help him get undressed he goes potty, I make him breakfast and sit him at the table, this all probably took 10mins, I go back to bed, P gets up and like a wonderful husband takes care of C letting me rest.
The thing is, P only woke up once during that whole long night, and that was when my legs said NO! At 4am I got up just like all the other times, only this time exhausted and drained of all energy I took maybe three steps and both my legs at the same time decided they couldn't hold my weight and I fell. I have an upside down milkcrate sitting in the corner to hold some plugged in items until we can get something nicer to put there, and I landed on the corner of it and gave myself a pretty little bruise on my upper thigh.
P came to my rescue helping me stand, and then I managed to get that third bottle for F and go to her bed, I assumed it would be like the other times where she would drink a tiny bit and fall asleep, so I stood beside her crib feeding her bottle to her and P came and rubbed my back for a bit, but then he left and I realized I'd be standing there awhile so I picked up F and went to the rocking chair where I barely stayed awake for the next 30mins while feeding her.
Then as I mentioned before I went back to bed but couldn't fall asleep.
Now P did give me that extra rest but he always has to have a nap before going to work... so after C woke me up because P went to the bathroom and he couldn't find him, I decided that I should at least get up to pump and perhaps go back to bed a little while longer, but P said he wanted to get a nap like usual I explained that I needed to pump and he said "well I'll just have a short one then" meaning he'd stay with C until I finished pumping.... grrr.. I'm so tired!
After talking to or rather grunting responses to P I realized he had no idea how little sleep I got last night. So he probably would have let me sleep longer if I had explained better, but honestly I'm not in the mood to explain anything to anyone!
I cried when he was about to leave for work, nothing I said made any sense I know that. I said "I just want to use the bathroom without an audience, I want to get dressed without a croud, I want to sleep." pause "I am tired! My leg has a bruise" pause "F isnt' going to nap today, C better not have eczema, I can't handle my life." He kissed me asked if I was mad at him and I grunted a no, cause I am honestly not, but I didn't want to give into my emotions so I barely kissed him back. he held me a moment and then left for work. I cried.
Then I yelled at C and put him in his room for not being quiet while I was trying to put F down for a nap that she has no interest in taking. I finally got her to close her eyes and was about to put her in the crib when C started banging on his door.. F didn't wake up while I put her down but by the time I got to his room she was... I was so ticked that when I opened his door and he said "Mommy I go potty some more!" I growled "good job, but when Mommy puts you in your room it isn't so you can go potty it is so you will be quiet while sister tries to fall asleep." Normally no matter how angry I am C doesn't give a hoot about stuff, this time he started to cry... which saddly didn't phase me. I told him to give me a hug and pull up his underwear and go lay down in bed because it was naptime. I dumped the potty chair, got him his paci and skittle and covered him up then went to deal with Miss F AGAIN... I'm so tired!