The Amazing Birth of Kya

God has blessed me so much through the birth of our 5th child, and I'm only sorry I didn't write about it sooner.  I think this story might help other mamas, so I'm going to copy some entries from my personal journal about her birth and the pregnancy leading to that birth below.  Please understand my journal is not just a diary, it is my letters to the King of Kings, so they are addressed to God.  Also understand that not all my entries are written about pregnancy, so you will see the dates are quite different and spaced out, but that doesn't mean that I don't write often, just that the letters between the ones shared are not relevant.

"5-17-18
Dear Lord in heaven, mighty savior,
I am reading in Samuel and find it interesting that 1 Samuel 3:1b says "The word of the Lord was rare in those days; visions were not widespread."
It seems you have some silent times throughout history. And it seems during these times that so many evil men and women influence the world. Now it seems to be a break in your silence for my generation. Aside from the things you speak to my heart, I don't have proof of what you are saying to the people of my world, but with men like Dan Fisher running for governor of Oklahoma and wanting to put an end to abortion in our state, calling it what it is; murder, it seems your silence in the hearts of men around the world is ending, and change is coming.
....
Lord, I am positive that I recognize your voice in my heart, You have spoken clearly to me too many times to miss it.
"That's where you are going" - When you showed me New Zealand Master's Commission
"This is the last thing I'm taking for awhile" - When after miscarriage, and Patrick getting out of the military and us moving in with my parents, and our dog Tristen dying, and then Prissy (also my dog) died and I felt as if my world had crumbled and I might not make it through. I didn't know how to stand anymore.
"Trust me" - When you spoke to my heart in my sleep and woke me up to tell me I was pregnant before even a test could confirm it. 
"It's a girl" - You told me shortly before I miscarried that baby and you began to work a new mind in Patrick.
"You are not alone." - When I labored for Esmarie and I cried out to you that I was overwhelmed and did not want to be alone for the labor and birth.
And just yesterday as I prayed about the great tiredness that had come over me, you said: "I am doing this for you." and my heart knew you were talking about the timing of the birth of our 5th child Kya. but still I don't know know that it means, not really anyway. I believe it means that you are answering my prayers for the birth of this child. That she will be born before her due date, that she will be smaller and that labor will have a clear start to it. And though I have not prayed it as often, I would like to have a seven or eight hour labor. My only other request is that you give me peace about the birth, I'm not scared of birth, but it is powerful and intimidating, so though this is the first time I've put it into words I would also love to have some peace about it and enjoy it.
I thank you Lord, for your goodness to me, and look forward to seeing how your words to me play out. You are trustworthy and your plans for me are good.
Love Samantha"

"5-19-18
Dear Heavenly Father,
...
I am trying to understand you, today and for the last two days I have been trying to understand what you meant when you told me 'I'm doing this for you.'  Mostly I've just been trying to predict labor though I really want to know if you meant that you were answering my prayers with a 'yes' and I would deliver early, and therefore have a smaller baby, or if you meant that whatever is going to happen will happen because you have better plans for me than what I have prayed for. Which ever it is, I trust you. You have always had my future in your hands, and my past proves that your plans are good.
I love you Lord! You are good.
Love Samantha
P.s. Whenever Kya is coming, please give me the time to have a peaceful relaxed and enjoyable birth. Thank you Lord, I give it all over to you."

"5-20-18
Dean Lord of all,
The book of Samuel 1 is very interesting, the stories are intriguing, I hope my children will enjoy them when we get that far in our bible reading.  I'm enjoying them in m personal reading.
Yesterday I had a feeling that I might go into labor, and I did not. My faith in you is strong, my faith in my interpretation of what you said to me is wavering. Could you please tell my heart what you meant when you said "I'm doing this for you." ? I'm impatient and I should not be. I have not even reached 38 weeks, though tomorrow marks that, I want Kya to be strong and healthy, ready to be breathing on her own, but I also want her to be a smaller baby than Micah and Esmarie. Maybe I'm being silly, they were both wonderful babies and Micah wasn't too big. Esmarie on the other hand was very big and it was difficult to carry her weight before she began to support herself.
All of this is to say I'm confused and could use some clarity. I'm also a bit nervous about going past my due date because I have carried each baby longer than the one before with the exception of Jaemi and Saera. Hug them for me please!
Jaemi would have been  5 nearly 6 now! and Saera would have been nearly 3. It seems crazy that so much time has passed and yet I don't feel the pain so much anymore so it seems like it should be longer. My children are 9,7,5,4,2,1 and one on the way, but you hold two of them for me.
Lord help me to keep you at the center of Kya's birth, to hold fast to your presence and to enjoy your presence and the birth together. Help the endorphins and oxytocin to do their jobs and bring about change in my body in a beautiful and enjoyable way. And help me to embrace it all bringing Kya Phoebe out into my arms with laughter and JOY.
...
Love Samantha
P.s Please keep me from a short labor this time. My head is raising with thoughts of what would happen if I was in town and had to drive myself home during a labor like Esmarie's.  You alone are in control and I believe you would not let that happen, but I thought I'd mention it."

"5-23-18
Dear Lord,
Thank you for the differences in this pregnancy. Thank you for answered prayers and for contractions that seem so different from my previous births. I feel like although I've been having contractions for a few days, they are so spaced and that I have no doubt about what my body is doing. Whereas in the past I often didn't know what was going on because the contractions were close together, some times even pretty strong and I just didn't know whether they would progress or just wear me out.
So the contractions that come every hour or two and now every 30 minutes or more seems like such a blessing and I can not be confused by this at all. So again thank you Lord. You are so good to me.
Thank you for the energy I know you are granting me to birth this child as well. I pray Lord that she will work with the process of birth and not fight it. That she will come smoothly and without concern. That she will breathe easily and pink up quickly. That this birth will be a time of celebration and enjoyment, that we can all laugh and have fun, and that among so many women, Patrick can have as much spotlight as he wants, and be a true hero to us all. That Sapphira will be able to quietly observe so that she doesn't annoy me with her questions. I was annoyed by her questions from a live birth video yesterday and it made me nervous to have her in my space.
Thank you Lord for being such a good father, for being a healer, redeemer, and friend.
Love Samantha"

"5-25-18
Dear Lord,
When will you give me birth of this baby? I know you have it perfectly orchestrated and that your plans are higher than min, but I'd really love for your plan to be today.  If not, ok. But Please!
You know my prayers. Smaller baby, no questions of when labor starts, 7-8 hours of labor. And I know you said "I'm doing this for you!" So I believe you are granting those requests. Please be granting those requests!
Please help me to be calm and just wait on you, and not get frustrated in the waiting. Thank you Lord.
Love Samantha"

"5-28-18
Dear Heavenly Father,
Jesus, you alone know what my future holds and when this baby will be born. but the closer the time comes for Patrick to go back to work the more I wonder about what your plan is. If he is on the other side of the city will he be here in time for the birth of this child?
On the other hand, I'm encouraged because though the contractions do not always stay around I've been having contractions every day for several days, and when they come oddly enough they are predictable in one manor. The day I went to help (friend), I think it was Tuesday, I had a few contractions for a little while that were forty minutes apart, and then they just stopped and went away. Then one day they were 20 minutes apart, and another day between 15 and 20 minutes, always staying for awhile and then  disappearing. Last night they were about 7-10 minutes apart, so they are getting closer and perhaps one of these days they will settle in to stay until she is born... I would be happy for that.
Today is memorial day, the day we set aside to honor fallen heroes and to remember the blood that was shed by those fighting for our freedom in America. I can't think of a better hero than you, dying willingly in a battle against sin, and liberating us from the power of sin and death through the sacrifice of your innocent life.
And so many young men have followed your example since that time, laying their lives down for the freedom of others. Thank you Lord for the men and women who have done so.
Love, Samantha"

"5-30-18
Dear Lord God,
Patrick returns to work today, and unless you plan for this child to be born before he leaves tonight then I can assume that every person who is to be a support to me during this birth will be 40-45 minutes away, and that I will be alone with the kids during all that time. My request is the same as it has always been, give me a clear start to labor, and make it last 7-8 hours. I really do not want to birth this baby alone, or to labor alone. I've welcomed more people to this birth than ever before, so I just ask that you please allow them to be here for me while I labor.
Only you know the day Kya will be born, and though I would really like to know, that has not been allotted for me to know, so I am trusting you to work out the details. Just like you worked out the details concerning my van and getting Micah and i safely home before it broke down, and the cost of the extra miles for the tow truck, I also trust you will work out the details for the cost of the repair, and the process of picking it up, as well as the details of the birth of Kya.
...
Love, Samantha"

"5-31-18
Dear Lord,
Patrick could not get a hold of me last night so on his lunch break he drove all the way home to check on me, I feel embarrassed that he went to all that trouble when I was just sitting on the couch as he opened the door, but also blessed that he would come when he worried about me enough to come home, a 45 minute drive one way, during his hour long lunch break and be late getting back to work.
Now if only I could be in labor today, tomorrow, or just very soon. I know I heard your voice, when you said you were 'doing this for me', but I'm still wondering what you were doing... answering my prayers in the way I've hoped, or in a different way entirely? You alone know, and I will wait on you.
My midwife and her apprentice will be here soon for my prenatal appointment, I just actually don't want to think about pregnancy anymore, and yet it is the only thing I think of.
My tiny crochet group at church made me feel so blessed! They showered me last night with gifts, it wasn't planned, they just did it. And I love them for it. (J) made Kya a lamb lovey, (P) gave me a box of wet wipes, and (T) gave me a little dress with a jacket that she had her sister crochet. It is so precious!  I'm so blessed!
Kya is going to be blessed by these women, just to know them! I'm making my own tribe, and it is beautiful, I tried to make friends at church before, but it always felt forced, so I'm very happy to have found a group of women who I can be myself with and just talk to them. Thank you for bringing them into my life.
Love Samantha"

"6-2-18
Dear Lord,
Thank you for the time I had with (B) yesterday. It was nice to talk with her and get to know her better. I do wish that things had progressed into labor last night though. I know your plans are good and you are working out perfect miracles for me. You are certainly caring for your child and doing what is best for your creation. So I just pray that you give me peace and understanding and the ability to wait this all out and do what needs doing while I wait. You are good!
Establish yourself in me and your will in my life.
Thank you Lord for your blessings.
Samantha"

"6-3-18
Dear Lord Jesus,
...
Yesterday was a highly productive day. (B) came over after Patrick went to work and helped me clean up the house. We got the living room fully cleaned she even mopped the floor. in there. We got my bedroom cleaned, at least my parts are clean.  We got the bathroom clean, except for the shower and tub, but those were cleaned not long ago so it is done enough.
(B) predicted that I probably have a long ways to go before this baby is born, but I am still believing she will be born before her due date, which is tomorrow so.....
If you are going to answer that prayer, today is the day. If however you choose not to bring me into labor I still choose to trust that you know what you are doing.
Today can be a birthday, or it can be church, VBS, and connect group, whatever you lead me to I will accept. And joyfully so.
Thank you for today, thank you that I have plans with people who make me feel loved and safe even though I could go into labor far from home, with the kids in tow. Thank you that the kids can have something fun to do today, even though I am so close to delivering this child. Thank you for giving them the activities and fun things going on even though they are so close to welcoming a new sister to our family.
Thank you for this child. And thank you for (B) and all the help she was yesterday and the day before. She never needed to do that, and yet she did, and on her daughter's birthday no less.  I can't even thank her enough!
Samantha"

"6-4-18
Dear Lord,
At least one of my prayers is answered, and the answer is no... I'm not going to sulk about it, even though the day I prayed would be Kya's birthday became (J)'s birthday. I'm happy for (E), but frustrated too. Are you indeed intending to answer any of my prayers for Kya's birth? Will you give me a smaller baby? Will you give me a clear labor start that lasts 7-8 hours: Will it be a time of bonding with my birth team?
I really feel as if my hope is entirely in your hands and that you won't fail me, but I am also disappointed in the things that have been happening lately. Our church has recognized another pregnant woman from the pulpit twice. Meanwhile I am pregnant too, and there is only four days between our due dates. Makes me feel sad. I know it isn't that I am loved less, it just feels that way. And today in general sucks because it is my due date and you decided to leave me pregnant longer. I'm just emotional, I know you have better plans, and perhaps I just need to vent and cry a bit and I will feel better.
Love,
Samantha"

"6-5-18
Dear Lord,
...
Thank you Lord for Kya Phoebe, I pray that you are making her strong and holding her safe for her perfect birthday whenever that is. I'm officially past my due date, which I know means nothing, but I'm trying to adopt the attitude that she is perfectly fine where she is and can stay there just as long as she needs to and I'm not going to dwell on any day being her birthday because when that day passes into the one after it, my emotions can not handle it.
It is all in your hands, and you will be in control of it all and I wouldn't have it any other way.
I may however need to stay off Facebook until Kya is born though because I just can't look at pictures of other women's babies right now. With that said I do pray they are doing well, that the babies are growing and the mom's healing. That their births were amazing and filled with your presence.
Love, Samantha
p.s. I will praise you in this storm, I will lift my hands, you are who you are, no matter where I am."

"6-7-18
Dear Lord,
Contractions started very lightly at 2 am, but I've spent most of the night since 1:30 am awake. At first they were 5 minutes apart but hardly noticeable, then they spaced out to 10 ,minutes and got more intense but they have stayed that way for several hours so I don't know if I'll be calling anyone out here. Patrick even went to work this morning, but he calls me every half hour or so.
There is a thunderstorm going on outside but it is only just starting and not supposed to last long, so I doubt it will have much chance of making labor stronger.
I believe you have it figured out though. Even if I don't have a clue. I do pray that you help me to figure it out though because we are supposed to go to (R)'s house today to let the kids swim, and since the weather should only be bad a little longer there isn't much reason not to take them.
...
Love, Samantha"

"6-9-18
Dear Lord Jesus,
I read Esmarie's birth story today and it amazes me just how present you were for the whole thing, and yet it wasn't my favorite birth. I should give you more glory for that experience. I truly love what you have done to bring her into my arms. Actually her entire story to this moment is worthy of praising you for. She is such a beautiful child, even though she is trying me lately, I know this is just a part of her character development.
Lord I know you have plans for Kya's birth, I'm asking you to please bring them to fruition today. There is nothing special about this day, it is just a day, but Lord, I am ready to have this child now. I'm still asking for a 7-8 hour labor, but I'm asking for it today. My despair yesterday has turned to motivation today, and I am ready to turn that into a productive labor.
As in Esmarie's birth day I draw your attention to Psalm 40:17 "As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer. do not delay, o my God."
You are my deliverer, do not delay another day. Bring my body into a calm and effective clearly started labor.
Thank you Lord, Amen,
Samantha"

"6-10-18
Dear Lord,
Every day is becoming a struggle to believe your words to me. After all weren't they spoken 3-4 weeks ago and now here I sit, one day less than a week after my so called due date, still pregnant and not only pregnant but with this child higher in my pelvis than she has been in a long time, leading me to believe she really has no chance at birth today.
It has been a full week since the day I prayed would be Kya's birthday and is now someone else's birthday.I'm about to go to church and hear a bunch of people either joke about when my child will be born or sympathize with me about the duration of this pregnancy and ask me 'how much longer until they induce?' Which is socially and culturally acceptable nonsense and only frustrates me more for the lack of understanding that this duration is what is best for my baby, regardless of how I feel about it.
Though I am anxious to hold my daughter and eager to see her face, and I am not excited to still be pregnant, however I do not want to endanger her to get her out... nor do I wish to increase my personal risk of injury by forcing her birth based on a square on a calendar. I do need you to walk with me today though because I just don't have the attitude needed to handle people today.
Help me not to be sullen about the long lasting wait for the birth of this child.
Thank you Lord,
Samantha"

"6-11-18
Dear Lord,
I don't know whether I want to take the kids to their activities today or not. I dealt with all the people and all the questions as much as possible in friendly and gentle ways yesterday, and then I came home and freaked out on Patrick and cried like I have not cried in a long time. And today is probably going to be just as exhausting mentally if I do all the things. Yet, if I don't then everyone will want to know if I had the baby and text and Facebook message me and bug me anyway.
I'm a week past my due date today. Looks like Esmarie's birth won't be my longest pregnancy anymore. I mean unless you do something before tomorrow morning. I know you are doing what is needed though, so I wait on you.
Yesterday during church a woman spoke out in tongues and a man interpreted it, the message always seems to be the same. Wait on you, you love us... come to you and you will give us rest... all the things I know you would say.  Yesterday seemed biblical and in line with scripture, and yet I wonder why I never feel personally touched by these outbursts.  Perhaps because you speak to me directly I don't need to hear your voice in this way?  I just don't know.. And I almost always pray that you will speak to my hearth through those words, but walk away feeling like I could have gotten that message by reading my bible and didn't need to hear it spoken aloud by an unplanned outburst from someone among the crowd. I hope that those outbursts do actually minister to the hearts of some in the congregation.
Love,
Samantha"

"6-12-18
Dear Lord,
Will this child EVER come out? I know she will, but I doubt it at the same time. Yesterday I looked back at my fertility chart and figured out that Sapphira was not 4 days early, she was 3 days late, and I know she would have been later if not for doctor's and midwives who pushed me to have her. So this pattern of going later with each pregnancy is not true, and I have always thought Sapphira would have happily stayed put another two weeks if she had been allowed to do so. And that knowledge makes me actually feel better. Now I know that sometime after 40 weeks is totally normal for my body and that Esmarie and Kya waiting this long are just fine to do so. Though I've been ready for my baby and I feel as if you don't want to answer my prayers but ignore them right now. Still I will praise you. Still I will trust you, because you are good, and I am your creation.
Help me to get the house picked up and ready for my appointment today at 3. I am embarrassed at how bad it has gotten since (B) came to help me out. I need to keep myself going and get it taken care of. The kitchen will be my first goal to tackle and hopefully I can really get it taken care of and move on to my bedroom. The kids have been helping with the dinning room and living room so I am not too worried about them. I know I can do it, and I'm sure you will guide me and help me to achieve it.
Thank you Lord,
Samantha"

"6-13-18
Dear Lord,
All night contractions, they were five minutes apart but slipped to much longer and I woke up with them at 10 minutes apart. But all of them except the one I had just a bit ago were like the ones I have had off and on for weeks. no strength to them.
Today would be a good date for our little blessing to be born though, exactly one month after my birthday would make the numbers memorable and please Lord don't let (E)'s latest prediction be right. The 18th! Oh please Lord no! I'm so exhausted from such light sleep last night and the night before I pray you will deliver me of this child in my womb. At least then the muscle work out would be over, obviously I'd then be caring for a newborn but that I can handle.
I just want to sleep all day and wake up with  a baby  in my arms.  How ridiculous is that? and I would love for these contractions to really mean something and not just be going on and on forever.
Love,
Samantha"

"6-21-18
Dear Lord,
Thank you for an amazing birth!  June 14th at 3 am I called (G), and told her it was baby time. After texting the group both (B) and (M) woke up to my text so I didn't have to call them. I did call (T) but as I suspected she was unable to come because she was babysitting her nephews. I woke Patrick up to tell him it was time to have a baby. At first I could hum through the contractions and it was working great to relax me, by the time (B) arrived I could not hum any more, but was trying to sing along with the playlist I had created on YouTube for Kya's birth.
(B) gave me a contraction timer on her phone and began to set up the birth pool with Patrick. When I had a contraction she would rub my back, she didn't get much time to work on the pool. (M) came next and I had her take over for (B). The pool never did get set up. They ended up discovering the hose was leaking, but even in the best of circumstances they wouldn't have gotten it filled before Kya's birth.
(G) showed up next. I was sitting on the birth ball and leaning on the bed and trying so hard to sing through the contractions. It mostly was not working. A song came on that just annoyed me and I made (M) skip it, then another came on that just felt amazing, like it melted my soul and made everything fluid. I told her to keep that one going and ignore the rest of the play list.
(M) continued to rub my back, (G) felt out of place so she rubbed (M)'s back, (B) and Patrick continued to set up the birth pool.  I had them stop when I realized my body had begun to push a little with each contraction.  At this point I asked them to clear off the bed so I could climb up on it, I did, almost shocked by my ability to move, and talk during this part of labor (my last two home births I couldn't do much of anything at this point).  I was on my knees with my hands on the foot board and this is when my mood just went haywire. I was happy and annoyed, and even cried for a minute. I told everyone I was uncomfortable and how I didn't want to do this anymore, or rather how I understood how other women tried to escape it.  I laid down and got right back up. I thought I could sleep, nope. Someone suggested that I lean on Patrick instead of the foot board, this sounded wonderful but I was no longer able to move.  Just before this my water had broke and actually sprayed forward drenching the place I had wanted to put my hands to support myself. I tried to tell them how wet it was up there, but they didn't understand until later when they could see it.
Patrick moved over to where I could lean on him and that amazing peace of being held by someone you love washed over me. The panic I was starting to feel was gone. much like when the song I was enjoying played I felt my body relax again. By the way, the song is a newer version of "it is well with my soul".
The pushing sensation began to escalate and Kya's head emerged, but not fully.  Later (G) told me that she came out with her head presenting the top instead of the back and then stopped at her mouth. So during this time I was utterly confused as to what part of her I had birthed, the burning sensation just didn't end like it did in other births.
Another contraction and I pushed the rest of her head out, then her shoulders came, I remember they did not come out like Micah's with several pushes, or like Esmarie's since she was a little wedged in, but it was two pushes very close to one another. It took me a moment to recover, I relaxed on Patrick's shoulders and relaxed my body, thinking all the while how I would be picking up my baby, but I just couldn't yet.  After gathering myself I did pick her up, thinking how wonderful it was to have been given this moment to relax and prepare myself to see Kya and greet her in my own way instead of being rushed or shouted at, or told what to do, or anything else. I'm so thankful to (G) for having that policy.
Kya Phoebe was born at 4:34 am on June 14th 2018. She weighed 8lbs even, and was 20 inches long.
I prayed I would know when labor was real, and you answered. I prayed this birth would be fun and my whole team would be there and you answered. I prayed for 7-8 hours of labor and you showed me I could enjoy a 2 hour labor.
Thank you,
Samantha"