Ponderings

I've had so many things on my mind lately that I struggled to figure out which blog I would like to post these thoughts on, in the end I realized that some where appropriate for my business blog, some for my home schooling blog, and others for this one, my general speak your mind and other stuff blog.. none of these blogs are very populated so I would be surprised if more than a handful of people read any of the thoughts, but all the same each thing weighing on my mind had very different topics and didn't belong all jumbled up in the same space.
At first I turned to my business blog, because there is a lot of uproar going on in the birth world, and I as a birth doula have a lot of jumbled thoughts I'd like to unjumble in a thoughtful blog post, but then I realized that I'm not quite there yet, and writing too quickly on the subject (Midwifery Today and the Amish venue they chose for their conference) could potentially alienate or offend my clientele and so I really shouldn't make my thoughts known until I know them fully myself.
Then I wanted to write about how our school year is going, and how it is so different from last year, terrifying and peaceful all at the same time... but then I'm not quite sure where I want to go with that thought yet either... so here you find me. 
I've had so many friends turning aside from traditional Christianity lately, not away from God, but away from the church as it is currently, and those who I have recently met have also turned aside... and I've been studying and questioning myself for a long time now. This is a subject I know my heart on.
What are the turns in the path of Christianity that I've witnessed lately?  The different directions I've seen lately vary from strict adherence to biblical law, a total acceptance of grace without acknowledgement of law, a total denial of sciences (including medical, and physical, and go ahead and throw in some astronomy as well). 
Some of my friends have decided the earth might be flat after all, some of them have decided that anything that has changed since biblical times (i.e. added holidays, or holidays taken away, acceptable foods, and what the sabbath really is and how to hold it) is not biblical and is not therefore acceptable, and some of them have decided that the law in being 'fulfilled' by Christ is no longer worth following. 
The people questioning these things have been my friends for quite some time, and none of them agree with each other about the things that they are turning from.  i.e. my grace only friend says that the earth isn't flat, and we don't need law, one of my flat earth friends says that we need law and grace is a cop-out (essentially), another flat earth (questioner) friend is all about grace and law alike, then there is my totally law friend, who I'll be honest hasn't weighed in on the round verses flat earth subject.... but every one of them has talked to me about their thoughts on these matters and each one of them, knowingly or not has made me run back to my bible to look and see EXACTLY what I believe. 
I thought I was pretty well versed in the bible, but it turns out I still question everything too.... although in the end I always get my answers directly from the word of God.  That is where I decided to start... all scripture is God breathed and useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness (2 Tim. 3:16), but I also want to hold a lot of weight on Jesus' actual words... Partly because my church is doing a series on 'red letters' which is where some bibles put all of Jesus' words in red and the rest of the text in black, and partly because one of my law abiding friends challenged me on a subject that specifically has to do with the words of Jesus. 
I have been reading Mark right now, and looking closely at all the words of Jesus as I go through, and you know what?  The best advice I've found from Jesus is simply to let these Christians be... why?
Because we each have a place in the kingdom, and a useful purpose... we are each uniquely formed, and created to serve different purposes, so of course we would fulfill them differently.  If a cup decided to be a spoon, true they both hold liquid, but the user of the cup wouldn't be very pleased if the cup refused to be used for drinking water but instead only held small amounts of soup, or pudding.  It just isn't reasonable that I should try to fit into the mold of ANY of my friends.

Following Love

A long time ago when I was a child, I thought like children do, and I was afraid that the Lord would come to get us all and I'd never have a chance to be a missionary, a ballerina, a mom, a singer, and an Avon sales lady.... my dad was kind of pushy with his belief in the Lord returning soon and VERY soon. At that time God spoke to my heart and told me how my method of reaching others was not one of being loud and pushy (not saying that is a bad method, it just isn't mine), but rather just loving on people where they are, and welcoming them to God's heart so that he can correct them where they need correcting, but my love and lifestyle would be the start, not my telling them how wrong they are on whatever they are wrong about.

Sometimes we Christians get wrapped up in right or wrong, and forget about love.  Sometimes we want to be fast to point the finger, Jesus told us to avoid that when he said "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. Matthew 7:5.  So I'm asking myself now, do I have any planks in my eyes?  Did you know that eyes has all the same letters as yes?  Well I do, sometimes I don't even know about them, but there they are, obvious to all of my family and friends.

What has the Lord revealed to me lately?  The anger and frustration that I feel burning inside myself when someone tells me to 'learn' or tries to teach me something they think I don't know... that is my plank.  It isn't right that I get mad when people want to 'educate' me.  I'm wrong, and for any of those people I've gotten mad at for trying to teach me something, I'd like to apologize. I'm sorry.

 I'm not the first person in history to have this problem, in fact the disciples saw a man casting out demons in Jesus' name and preaching to people and they told him he had to stop. Why? because he wasn't part of their group, he wasn't a member of the squad, he was an outsider with the same knowledge, or perhaps more understanding than them, and they were offended and went to Jesus and told him how they commanded that man to stop... maybe they were expecting Him to pat their shoulders and say they did right?  But what really happened is that Jesus did the opposite, he said 'those who are not against us are on our team' and he told them not to stop that man, or any others from doing God's work, no matter what team they were part of, Mark 9:38-42.

The following is just speculation and will not be found in scripture... but what if that man , after doing some amazing things for the Kingdom of God went away from seeing the disciples and hearing them tell him off for what he was doing decided that perhaps he was wrong, and stopped doing anything for God... what if he walked away from that chance encounter and stopped, just stopped... or what if he retracted his good, what if he told others it had just been an illusion, that he thought great things were happening but maybe they were not.  What if the disciples in rebuking that man stopped the great work that the Lord was doing in a community the disciples would shortly move away from?

And so instead of being angry about learning new things I'm starting to just let it be.  Instead of telling people they are wrong to believe differently than I believe, I'm starting to pray for them, and ask God to use them to work miracles in the lives of the people they touch every day... whether that is through social media, or anywhere else.  I'm starting to pay attention to the good that comes of their questions, the answers they have found, and the fact that they are SEEKING truth.  I can't blame even one of them for seeking the Lord, even if the answers they seem to have found are against what I currently believe about the Lord. 

I'm also praying, earnestly that the Lord will help me take the planks from my own eyes as he reveals them to me, and allow me to learn new things from unlikely sources (and friends too 😜).  And then I pray that if my friends are right and I'm wrong that he will reveal that to me, and if they are wrong and I am right that he will also reveal that to them.  I'm not trying to make waves, I just want to get through life witnessing by action instead of word that the Lord is good, and his ways are right.

What about sin the bible really does say is wrong?  There are a few things the bible specifically says are totally wrong, in the New and Old testament, and what if my friends are saying those things are OK?  I'm not going to go into any detail, because honestly this question came to mind without any kind of specific friend or situation presenting it, it was probably just my mind looking for loopholes to God's word, who knows.  The more I read about sin, the more I really begin to see that we ALL have sin in our lives, and when we are truly following Christ, he will reveal that sin to us, and once it is revealed we have a choice.  Continue living in sin, knowing it is wrong and that the Lord condemns it, or stop.

If we continue then Christ dying on the cross was in vain, and every time you do that thing you are nailing Jesus to the cross again, and showing him how little you care that he is there in your place, and therefore risking your own salvation because you are not repentant.  If you stop then you have shown Jesus you care, and don't want to continue punishing him for your own sins, and therefore you must stop sinning, your conscience demands it. 

And so , even in the case of sin, it is NOT my place to correct them, though a gentle reminder of God's thoughts on a matter are appropriate from time to time.  It is Jesus who took the punishment, and it is his place to make our sins known to us.  It is ours to simply love like Jesus loved. 

And there you have it.. I plan to love, and not let my own frustration get in the way. No matter how strange your way of loving Jesus is.



 

School is starting again!

Dear Readers, I'm not so great at this blog thing, I've had years to get it, but it hasn't come to me yet... however, lately it seems that I'm being drawn back to writing, so maybe this time... or maybe not...

Today is the first day of school, you might be wondering why in the world we are starting school on August 1st, which is typically way too early for a school year, and also happens to be a Thursday... but that is the beauty of home school!

Last year among all the chaos we decided to move back to Michigan... a decision that I felt was right, but also hated entirely.  There were of course good things about the move, being close to family, and our best friends who had moved back there the year before, but I had made our last home HOME... and I really wanted to stay there.  We named it 'Sometimes Creek'  I painted a sign for it, it was beautiful, and I loved every part of it... and then God called us away.

Right in the middle of a school year!

So now as a family we have moved a total of 14 times.  I really hope that phase of our life is done, and it seems for the first time EVER, my husband might be on board with living out our days in one spot.

Last year we had a baby, took an unplanned scoping vacation to see what we could find for housing in Michigan, moved to a parsonage for temporary housing, spent MONTHS looking for a house to buy, and then moved into our home, our school year was WRECKED.  And among all the craziness it just wasn't working to do school every day, so where we should have finished the year in May, we were still hard at work into June, and even most of July.  The kids finished their school work as they were able, and I stopped pushing at all.. Its a new thing for me, to let them determine their education and find their own way through stuff... but I'll explain that in a minute.

Caeden was the last to finish his workbooks this year, and the last page was finished Tuesday, July 30th, leaving me ONE day to prepare for school to start on August 1st... starting on this date also lets us finish next year when we usually finish without stressing too hard, we can still take a good amount of breaks and enjoy things throughout the year.  I'd honestly like to go to year round schooling next year and this lines us back up to being able to do that.

Today we begin a journey, today we start again, today we are starting school.

I said I would explain how I'm not pushing the kids anymore, so here goes.  In the past I lined up everything meticulously, I knew how many pages had to be finished every single day in order to complete a school year on time.  I also found that it was stressing the kids out, having this deadline over their heads, childhood should be a time with no stress, helping them grow and form patterns in their brains that will last a lifetime.. I want my kids to be hard workers, but I don't want them stressed out.  So, for this school year I'm going to provide them work to do, and set a timer for each subject and let them go as fast or slow as they want to on each thing.  I'd love to see their determination grow, and their  work ethic along with it, but if that doesn't happen I will see something else happen, less enjoyable, but still just as important, they will see that they have the power to determine somethings in their future... they will see (if they don't work hard) the consequences of their inaction, which will be that they don't get to move onto the next grade level in each subject unless they finish the one they have... which could mean years in the same grade if they don't do anything.. but I have faith in my kids, they will do well. 

As a first day of school starter, I also wanted to interview each of the kids.
Here is Micah's interview
Age:  5
Grade: Kindergarten
What was your favorite part about school last year? "coloring"
What are you looking forward to this year? "That I can finally color"
If you had one big goal that you wanted to work toward what would it be? "Reading"
What would you like to tell yourself at the end of this school year? "I like dinosaurs"

Here is Caeden's interview
Age: 10
Grade: This year or last year?  (this) 5th grade
What was your favorite part about school last year?  "I liked what History was about last year.
What you are you looking forward to this year?  "My new math" 
If you had one big goal that you wanted to work toward what would it be?  "A LONG Summer break."
What would you like to tell yourself at the end of this school year? "You've done a good job Caeden, Thank you Caeden."

Here is Sapphira's interview:
Age: 9
Grade: 3rd
What was your favorite part about school last year? "Doing my math really fast"
What are you looking forward to this year? "because we haven't done school in a long time."
If you had one big goal that you wanted to work toward what would it be? "That is really hard, I have to think about it, read 7 books."
What would you like to tell yourself at the end of this school year? "I did very well"

Esmarie isn't starting school but I interviewed her anyway.
Age: something
Grade: ummm Esmarie
What was your favorite part about school last year? "umm, school last year"
What are you looking forward to this year? "this year, um, do"
If you had one big goal that you wanted to work toward what would it be?  "this year, potty trained"  (I might have fed that one to her)
What would you like to tell yourself at the end of this school year? "sister"

With that, I guess you are as ready as we are to start this year up!  I'm excited! Can't wait to tell you how our first day goes!