If you have never experienced labor that doesn't do much of anything, let me tell you it isn't that fun.
This is my fifth full term pregnancy, I past my due date a few days ago, I don't have any experience with having a late baby without prodomal labor, so I can't say much for the mental state of a woman with labor that is clearly defined at the time of her babies arrival but no labor leading up to it...
What I can say is that having several different days where you feel like 'this could be it' but then second guessing EVERYTHING isn't really that great for your mental state.
Before you ask, I'm ok. I'm not happy about it, but I'm ok. Two days ago I had some contractions that seemed to be getting stronger for awhile, and then they went away after about 6 hours or so, I'm really not counting the time, I just know it was long enough to make you take notice ok.... I know that within 12 hours of waking up everything that had progressively gotten stronger was then gone, but that is a whole lot of progress and change in between that I'm not going to get into the details of, so we'll just stick with 6 hours.
After six hours I took a nap and it all went away, even the back pain I was experiencing went away.. so that was nice. However, facing ANYONE after all that labor is just not fun. People look at you with a sad sympathetic look on their faces and repeat over and over how it could be 'any time now' and or they ask you how you are doing... to which you really have no answer. Do you really want to be in labor? Do you want to acknowledge the child inside of you who refuses to come out? Do you feel good on the inside and miserable on the outside, or vise-versa...?
I don't even know how I feel, let alone to express that feeling... who really knows how they feel at 40 weeks plus a bit? ready? Not ready at all?
Today is 40 weeks and 5 days. Esmarie was my longest pregnancy so far, at 41 weeks 1 day, I'm not really looking forward to passing that date, but it seems that's the way this is headed... all the prodomal labor hasn't really gotten me too far... at least not that I know of since I'm not checking nor is anyone else checking my cervix.
I will say it is Saturday, and that gives me a little hope... I know that is ridiculous, but Caeden was born Sunday morning after a Saturday labor, Micah was born Sunday morning after a Saturday labor, and Esmarie was born on a Saturday morning after a very short labor. Sapphira was born on a Friday morning after a forced labor on a Thursday and a c-section early Friday morning, not sure that counts though.
Yesterday I was a mess, I felt depressed and lonely yet didn't want to be around anyone... I crocheted the whole day. The little flower baby thing I made turned out cute, still have to give it some eyes, but it's finished otherwise. And the kids cleaned up the living room and dinning room... so it wasn't a completely wasted day, even if I did just sit on the couch the majority of it.
Today I feel a bit more optimistic, and no not just because it is Saturday, more so because I just can't stay mad at the baby inside of me who refuses to come out of my womb and into my arms... though I have not seen her yet, I know she is going to be adorable (the proof is in the pudding, two good looking parents and four other adorable kids... you can't get ugly from that!). I know she is going to come at God's perfect time for her! When....? I don't know that... and that bothers me, but God spoke to my heart a few weeks back, he said he was "doing this for me"... I don't know what that means, but it can't be to harm me.. I'm sure of that. He is a good God. I trust him fully to figure out the perfect time and way for this baby to be born.
