tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-987067116028754582024-03-12T17:41:28.996-07:00Mommy and MeSamantha Mehaffeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10746171564325753192noreply@blogger.comBlogger168125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-98706711602875458.post-59433277309074971262020-12-29T21:24:00.001-08:002020-12-29T21:24:11.430-08:00A year has passed and so much has remained<p> The year 2020 has been a whopper for the entire world. I don’t need to tell anyone that, but it seems the best thing to say when explaining the year the world freaked out about Covid-19, and shutdown everything.</p><p>This year has also been a blessing though. Raise your hand if you realized how much you actually like people? Or you realized you don’t ‘need’ to go out as often as you thought you did. Or perhaps you realized the people you live with are actually people you enjoy being around, and have truly gotten to know them better this year.</p><p>The suicide rate increased, the stillbirth rate increased (worldwide), the social interaction decreased, everyone hid their faces from disease and each other, the stores ran out of toilet paper, and tatter tots. Kids were dismissed from school and homeschooling became popular and accepted overnight. Hospitals freaked out and didn’t let anyone in, including pregnant women and their support, which increased homebirth.</p><p>When 2020 started I had just said good-bye to a young lady from Mongolia who decided she wasn’t happy staying as our exchange student. I had just started working with a local midwife and her newly certified and licensed partner. I was for the FIRST time in my parental life, a working mom. And I was preparing for my bachelors degree courses by taking some community college courses. A few months in and the whole world had changed. </p><p>In April everything shut down, fear dominated every interaction, republicans and Democrats were pointing fingers at everyone. The stores made mask mandates, and enforced them, people died over mask wearing! </p><p>In June we were all sick of it, but w continued on, with the hope that the situation would calm down, but mostly the governor in my state said she couldn’t allow a relaxation of her policies and the mandates stood firm, are still standing firm in December.</p><p>But do you know what didn’t change? </p><p>My love for friends and family, and gathering in celebrations.</p><p>My love for childbirth, and excitement for learning it, and experiencing it as a midwife.</p><p>My love for each of my brilliant kids, and continuing to educate them from home as I always have done.</p><p>My love for my husband, who I’ll admit has gone through some pretty profound changes himself this year, (he became a stay at home dad this year!)</p><p>My absolute love for Jesus, and how he doesn’t give me a spirit of fear, and how he is constantly just right there beside me, and relieving my anxiety when I enter a store and wonder how badly I’ll be judged by the patrons there.</p><p>I just read my post about Christmas, written so long ago now... and yet, every little thing I said still holds true. We just finished our celebration of the birth of Christ. I don’t care what day he was born, I care that I celebrate one of the biggest events in human history, when God became man and lived among us! It is an amazing thing!</p><p>This year our Barn burned down, with the kids bikes, pet rabbits, lawn mower, and many other rather important things inside. Patrick lost his job, 3 times. I started full time school and an apprenticeship and found myself gone from home more than I ever had been in the past. Life has absolutely changed here, with or without the worldwide pandemic. And yet, somehow I’ve survived it, not just from disease, in fact disease is furthest from my mind when I think of this.... no I’ve survived trials, tribulations, celebrations, altered plans, distraction, and so much more.</p><p>I could choose to think 2020 was terrible, and I would be absolutely within my rights to say I hope 2021 is better, but I would rather think that 2020 brought challenges that proved I’m a winner, and 2021 will bring more of the same, and I’ll find myself leaning on God’s grace, and following him as best as I am able, guiding my children along with me, and serving people as I go.</p><p><a href="https://youtu.be/1spkhp41ig4">https://youtu.be/1spkhp41ig4</a></p><p>This song perfectly describes this year... there is so much beauty, even in this pain, even in the pandemic.</p>Samantha Mehaffeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10746171564325753192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-98706711602875458.post-45624435204620736002019-12-21T12:22:00.001-08:002019-12-21T12:22:42.940-08:00ChristmasOver the last few years there seems to be a trend toward Christians ceasing their celebration of the traditional American holidays, especially Christmas. <br />
Reasons I’ve heard given include: God didn’t command us to celebrate them, Jesus didn’t celebrate them, They started with pagan beliefs, and they are really a celebration of pagan holidays with a veil over them to make them appear Christian.<br />
I understand and totally respect that you feel that way, if in fact you do. However, that is how YOU feel, not me, and I’m a christian too. So I’m going to address this from my perspective, and why I choose to celebrate Christmas.<br />
Jewish tradition doesn’t celebrate birthdays, so God didn’t actually COMMAND anyone to celebrate the birth of his son, HOWEVER, the biggest party ever went down the night of Jesus’ birth, and you better believe there was celebrating going on all over the place. The only people mentioned at the time of Jesus’ birth that were not celebrating were actually not good people... (Herod). A lot of babies died in that time too... because someone choose not to celebrate... now don’t get me wrong, this will further my point, but I’m certainly not saying that not celebrating is going to end up killing people... don’t jump to conclusions that I don’t intend, but do hear me out.<br />
Who was scared but chose to celebrate anyway? Mary, Joseph, the shepherds, and the wisemen. Who didn’t join the celebration? The innkeepers, I think, did not join this celebration, don’t know why, but aside from showing Mary to a barn to birth her baby (wait, I know you scholars will probably tell me it wasn’t a barn, but it was where animals were kept, so lets call it a barn for that particular reason alone and leave the rest of that argument out of this article) the innkeeper isn’t mentioned again, so I think it is safe to say they ran back to the house they lived in or had other business to attend to. Herod didn’t attend the birthday party either, why? Cause he thought this kid was going to grown up to take his thrown, and that wasn’t acceptable so he tied what he could to annihilate the kid and secure his thrown. What is the difference between Mary’s fear that she wasn’t good enough, or prepared enough to be the mother of GODS child, and the fear that Herod would loose his thrown to this kid? The difference is in their hearts. Mary wanted God’s will but she was scared she wasn’t good enough, however she trusted the Lord and His plan. Herod was scared his thrown would be taken away and didn’t trust the will of God, so he tried to kill God’s son. In Herod’s heart was distrust, selfishness, and desire for more, in Mary’s heart was trust, and obedience, and willingness. Their hearts approached the birth of Jesus with completely differently.<br />
Now how did God celebrate? I ask first, what do we do for the biggest parties? Food, yes, Music, yes, presents, yes, decorations, yes, guests, yes. So what did God do? He put the biggest decoration ever in the sky, a brand new star. Then he got a choir and musicians to go down to a field and sing and announce his child’s birth, he invited guests, the shepherds, to come see his baby, and he sent wisemen (rich guys from another country) to bring presents, expensive presents I might add, but orchestrated by God nonetheless, because each gift represented something significant that would occur in Jesus life (that is a different topic though, if you are curious please look it up, it is pretty cool). The only element of this birthday party that I don’t find in our current celebration is food. So maybe this is God’s way of saying ‘don’t get fat on my account’... but otherwise I think it is pretty safe to say that God was excited for his child’s birth and had a party.<br />
True he didn’t celebrate any year after (at least not that we know of), and true Jesus May have been born in either September or in the spring, but in the lack of an actual date, any date is fine, just like when a child’s birthday is around a time of year that is not convenient to celebrate some people choose to celebrate the child’s half birthday instead... lets not get annoying over the date that has been chosen.<br />
The birthday of Christ was actually estimated to be around Dec 25th BEFORE pagan holidays began to be celebrated around that time anyway... look it up if you don’t believe me, my husband just showed me a very short video that had a timeline showing when Christ’s birthday was estimated and then when the pagan holidays began, and then some other interesting facts as well, and all he did to find it was google the phrase, “Why Christmas is not a pagan holiday”. But to be fair to the scholars who have looked all this stuff up already and don’t care to argue about it, here is my simple truth. Jesus cared more about your heart than he cared your holidays.<br />
He addresses the hearts of his people over and over again, constantly looking not at the sin, or act, or behavior, but at the heart of the matter and then addressing the person about their heart rather than their actions. I don’t think he would be upset that we are so THANKFUL that he came to earth to live among us, and eventually offer himself as the greatest sacrifice ever that we celebrate a day in our year saying thank you to him for the gift of his birth as a HUMAN... how could that be wrong?<br />
Well, it can actually, and this will sound counterintuitive to my whole argument when I say this, but celebrating a holiday that isn’t sanctioned by God himself CAN be sinful. <br />
Why would I say that? Because each person needs to take a very serious look at the traditions they do each year to celebrate these holidays, and figure out the answer to two things... 1. Why do I traditionally do this? 2. Does this tradition point to Jesus?<br />
Sometimes the answer to one question will also answer the other, but not always... so look carefully, are you celebrating the birth of Christ because it honors Jesus? Or are you doing it because someone taught you to, or any number of other reasons. And then look again, if you do it because you think it is a good reminder of Christ at this time of year, then when you do it are you standing in awe of Christ while you do it? If no, then maybe you need to get back to the heart of it, or cut it out because it no longer serves the intended purpose.<br />
Here is a glimpse into Christmas at my house.<br />
I decorate my house, why? Because I love to have a home where people feel inspired, and comfortable, and festive... why? Because I think it honors Christ to make people feel that way. Also, the stars and the angels, they were God’s design, and I can’t recreate that, so I do what I can with Christmas lights on the outside of my home. Ordinarily I would only decorate with red and white lights, but my family over ruled me a few years ago, and we got multicolored lights, and when the lights, die I intend to go back to red and white.<br />
I decorate a tree too... why? Because The evergreen tree has two important qualities about it that I think represent it’s creator (GOD) really well... first it is shaped like a triangle, having three points and three sides, and God has three parts to him as well, we call him the trinity, but some disagree with that term as it isn’t in the Bible, what is in the Bible is God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. It is incredible to me that God has seen it all, and created a tree that so accurately shows himself to be one.... also the evergreen is always green, always growing, always alive, and so is God, who is biblically referred to as Omnipresent, and Omnipotent. God is, was, and always will be... and my tree is green, was green, and always will be green... even after I cut it down, bring it into my house to decorate it, and then as I drag it outside it will still be green (mostly).<br />
I have two traditions in my house, that go with tree decorating. 1. Each family member chooses an ornament that represents the year and themselves in that year. And 2. My tree aside from the ornaments my children choose will be decorated with red and white with an acceptable addition of silver only. <br />
First I’d like to look at tradition number 1. Why do I do that? It goes back to my first Christmas alone as an adult in an apartment. I had NOTHING... I bought my tree and a bunch of multicolored bulbs to decorate with (this is back before I’d decided red and white only) and then I set it all up in my apartment. And I was lonely. So lonely. And my tree was expensive and the ornaments were hard to afford on my first real job’s pay after making sure I could pay my rent and afford to eat. So I decided that my kids would have at least one ornament every year to collect and take with them when they have their first tree. And to remind them of a year of God working small changes in their hearts, and showing himself to them.<br />
The second tree decorating tradition is that I decorate in red and white only... this is because the red symbolizes the blood Jesus shed for my sins, and the white is the pure as snow state he leaves me in after washing away the guilt of my sins with his own blood. This is a reminder that not only did a tiny baby come to live with us, as a human among us, but he grew up and did the one thing none of us could do for ourselves, he cleansed us with his blood and made us capable of entering into God’s presence.<br />
I give gifts. Why? Oh so many reasons! I love that I can give to others, and make them have a tiny bit of the Joy that God’s only son’s birth gives to me, through a gift that I truly thought about the receiver with. I love that the wisemen gave gifts at Jesus’ birthday party, and that they gave three gifts, if that is enough for Jesus, then that is enough for my children. They receive three gifts, and just as Jesus had practical gifts I also give my children well thought out practical gifts as well. Not just ‘things’ for the sake of things, but things that I know they will get use out of and be drawn back to time and time again, for extended use... if a present could be forgotten in a few days I don’t want it in my home. I gift things to my children whether they are naughty or nice, not because they deserve it, but because they do NOT deserve it, just as I do not deserve the love of Christ, but he gives it freely to me daily, forgiving me of all my sins. I give gifts to strangers whenever the Lord directs me to do so, filling their lives with hope, a gift that God offers to each of us, through the birth of his son. I give because he gave. I give gifts so that my children learn how to receive gifts as well as how to give them to others. Because learning to graciously receive a gift is just as important as graciously giving them.<br />
I make a giant christmas breakfast every year, why? Well this doesn’t show up in scripture, around Jesus birth, but rather in his life... because I want to SERVE. I prepare a giant meal and serve it to my family because I want to be an example of a servant to my children, as they grow, so that they too will want to serve others. And then since I make the meal so big we can enjoy it all day and I have the chance to sit and truly be with my children on the holiday, which is something I want to do every day, but doesn’t happen as often as I would like... but it is purposeful on Christmas.<br />
Christmas Eve we wear matching pajamas and watch the nativity story on DVD. Why? Because matching pajamas are fun, because the kids always need new pajamas, and because it is a unified house, with one motive, to love God, and to love each other. And the movie? Well it is a really amazing portrayal of the first Christmas. And I want everything we do to reflect Christ at Christmas, and every other time of year.<br />
What we don’t do:<br />
We don’t lie to the children, there is no giant elf that leaves them christmas presents, and if they ask about Santa we gladly tell them the true Santa story, about St. Nicholas, and how he was a gift giver, and the legends that are around the man behind the story are because there was some truth to it, but he doesn’t fly in a sleigh, live forever, or watch them while they are awake and asleep. I tell my kids that every house has a Santa, usually mom or dad, and that we do it because it is a fun reminder to be a gift giver like that man was a gift giver, offering (like God did) very practical gifts that filled a real need, but there is no reason practicality can’t also be fun. And on occasion the kids do leave out cookies for ‘santa’ and then they speculate on who will eat them, mom or dad.<br />
We do not have pictures with Santa. Why? To be honest there’s is one Santa that I would take my kids to, but he isn’t in the same state as we are currently, and the only reason I would go to him is because he is a good Christian man, and a friend of mine whom I usually only saw at Christmas time when he was playing Santa at a retail store that also gave him floor time to read about Jesus’ birth every day. Otherwise we don’t have pictures with Santa because it would confuse the message I’ve given to my children about the man being dead hundreds of years ago, and how we don’t celebrate him, but rather Christ at Christmas.<br />
We do not have an Elf on our shelf. Why? Because again this confuses the kids, no one is watching to see if they are good or not, my kids get presents not because they were good, but because I love them... I don’t want to use anyone other than Jesus in their lives to encourage good behavior.<br />
So there you have it, I have so much more I could say on the subject of Christmas, and why I’m still a good Christian even though I celebrate Christmas, and want to keep him at the heart of it.<br />
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The last thing I’d like to say is that if Christ isn’t at the center of your Christmas, perhaps you shouldn’t celebrate it, but if he is, do so without holding back. Sing, Dance, laugh, love, and celebrate so long as the thing you are celebrating is Jesus, and not all the traditions and ‘stuff’ that has to be done.... it just isn’t Christmas when it becomes about the traditions instead of the man you set out to honor when you do the ‘stuff’ you do.<br />
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There is no stress in my home pertaining to Christmas, it is all about Jesus, and I know he sees my heart before he sees anything that I do, so stress isn’t a thing in this house, not at Christmas. Busyness sure, but stress no.<br />
<br />Samantha Mehaffeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10746171564325753192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-98706711602875458.post-2291490487307588612019-08-07T15:52:00.001-07:002019-08-07T15:52:37.760-07:00PonderingsI've had so many things on my mind lately that I struggled to figure out which blog I would like to post these thoughts on, in the end I realized that some where appropriate for my business blog, some for my home schooling blog, and others for this one, my general speak your mind and other stuff blog.. none of these blogs are very populated so I would be surprised if more than a handful of people read any of the thoughts, but all the same each thing weighing on my mind had very different topics and didn't belong all jumbled up in the same space.<br />
At first I turned to my business blog, because there is a lot of uproar going on in the birth world, and I as a birth doula have a lot of jumbled thoughts I'd like to unjumble in a thoughtful blog post, but then I realized that I'm not quite there yet, and writing too quickly on the subject (Midwifery Today and the Amish venue they chose for their conference) could potentially alienate or offend my clientele and so I really shouldn't make my thoughts known until I know them fully myself.<br />
Then I wanted to write about how our school year is going, and how it is so different from last year, terrifying and peaceful all at the same time... but then I'm not quite sure where I want to go with that thought yet either... so here you find me. <br />
I've had so many friends turning aside from traditional Christianity lately, not away from God, but away from the church as it is currently, and those who I have recently met have also turned aside... and I've been studying and questioning myself for a long time now. This is a subject I know my heart on.<br />
What are the turns in the path of Christianity that I've witnessed lately? The different directions I've seen lately vary from strict adherence to biblical law, a total acceptance of grace without acknowledgement of law, a total denial of sciences (including medical, and physical, and go ahead and throw in some astronomy as well). <br />
Some of my friends have decided the earth might be flat after all, some of them have decided that anything that has changed since biblical times (i.e. added holidays, or holidays taken away, acceptable foods, and what the sabbath really is and how to hold it) is not biblical and is not therefore acceptable, and some of them have decided that the law in being 'fulfilled' by Christ is no longer worth following. <br />
The people questioning these things have been my friends for quite some time, and none of them agree with each other about the things that they are turning from. i.e. my grace only friend says that the earth isn't flat, and we don't need law, one of my flat earth friends says that we need law and grace is a cop-out (essentially), another flat earth (questioner) friend is all about grace and law alike, then there is my totally law friend, who I'll be honest hasn't weighed in on the round verses flat earth subject.... but every one of them has talked to me about their thoughts on these matters and each one of them, knowingly or not has made me run back to my bible to look and see EXACTLY what I believe. <br />
I thought I was pretty well versed in the bible, but it turns out I still question everything too.... although in the end I always get my answers directly from the word of God. That is where I decided to start... all scripture is God breathed and useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness (2 Tim. 3:16), but I also want to hold a lot of weight on Jesus' actual words... Partly because my church is doing a series on 'red letters' which is where some bibles put all of Jesus' words in red and the rest of the text in black, and partly because one of my law abiding friends challenged me on a subject that specifically has to do with the words of Jesus. <br />
I have been reading Mark right now, and looking closely at all the words of Jesus as I go through, and you know what? The best advice I've found from Jesus is simply to let these Christians be... why?<br />
Because we each have a place in the kingdom, and a useful purpose... we are each uniquely formed, and created to serve different purposes, so of course we would fulfill them differently. If a cup decided to be a spoon, true they both hold liquid, but the user of the cup wouldn't be very pleased if the cup refused to be used for drinking water but instead only held small amounts of soup, or pudding. It just isn't reasonable that I should try to fit into the mold of ANY of my friends.<br />
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Following Love<br />
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A long time ago when I was a child, I thought like children do, and I was afraid that the Lord would come to get us all and I'd never have a chance to be a missionary, a ballerina, a mom, a singer, and an Avon sales lady.... my dad was kind of pushy with his belief in the Lord returning soon and VERY soon. At that time God spoke to my heart and told me how my method of reaching others was not one of being loud and pushy (not saying that is a bad method, it just isn't mine), but rather just loving on people where they are, and welcoming them to God's heart so that he can correct them where they need correcting, but my love and lifestyle would be the start, not my telling them how wrong they are on whatever they are wrong about.<br />
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Sometimes we Christians get wrapped up in right or wrong, and forget about love. Sometimes we want to be fast to point the finger, Jesus told us to avoid that when he said "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. Matthew 7:5. So I'm asking myself now, do I have any planks in my eyes? Did you know that eyes has all the same letters as yes? Well I do, sometimes I don't even know about them, but there they are, obvious to all of my family and friends.<br />
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What has the Lord revealed to me lately? The anger and frustration that I feel burning inside myself when someone tells me to 'learn' or tries to teach me something they think I don't know... that is my plank. It isn't right that I get mad when people want to 'educate' me. I'm wrong, and for any of those people I've gotten mad at for trying to teach me something, I'd like to apologize. I'm sorry.<br />
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I'm not the first person in history to have this problem, in fact the disciples saw a man casting out demons in Jesus' name and preaching to people and they told him he had to stop. Why? because he wasn't part of their group, he wasn't a member of the squad, he was an outsider with the same knowledge, or perhaps more understanding than them, and they were offended and went to Jesus and told him how they commanded that man to stop... maybe they were expecting Him to pat their shoulders and say they did right? But what really happened is that Jesus did the opposite, he said 'those who are not against us are on our team' and he told them not to stop that man, or any others from doing God's work, no matter what team they were part of, Mark 9:38-42.<br />
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The following is just speculation and will not be found in scripture... but what if that man , after doing some amazing things for the Kingdom of God went away from seeing the disciples and hearing them tell him off for what he was doing decided that perhaps he was wrong, and stopped doing anything for God... what if he walked away from that chance encounter and stopped, just stopped... or what if he retracted his good, what if he told others it had just been an illusion, that he thought great things were happening but maybe they were not. What if the disciples in rebuking that man stopped the great work that the Lord was doing in a community the disciples would shortly move away from?<br />
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And so instead of being angry about learning new things I'm starting to just let it be. Instead of telling people they are wrong to believe differently than I believe, I'm starting to pray for them, and ask God to use them to work miracles in the lives of the people they touch every day... whether that is through social media, or anywhere else. I'm starting to pay attention to the good that comes of their questions, the answers they have found, and the fact that they are SEEKING truth. I can't blame even one of them for seeking the Lord, even if the answers they seem to have found are against what I currently believe about the Lord. <br />
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I'm also praying, earnestly that the Lord will help me take the planks from my own eyes as he reveals them to me, and allow me to learn new things from unlikely sources (and friends too 😜). And then I pray that if my friends are right and I'm wrong that he will reveal that to me, and if they are wrong and I am right that he will also reveal that to them. I'm not trying to make waves, I just want to get through life witnessing by action instead of word that the Lord is good, and his ways are right.<br />
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What about sin the bible really does say is wrong? There are a few things the bible specifically says are totally wrong, in the New and Old testament, and what if my friends are saying those things are OK? I'm not going to go into any detail, because honestly this question came to mind without any kind of specific friend or situation presenting it, it was probably just my mind looking for loopholes to God's word, who knows. The more I read about sin, the more I really begin to see that we ALL have sin in our lives, and when we are truly following Christ, he will reveal that sin to us, and once it is revealed we have a choice. Continue living in sin, knowing it is wrong and that the Lord condemns it, or stop.<br />
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If we continue then Christ dying on the cross was in vain, and every time you do that thing you are nailing Jesus to the cross again, and showing him how little you care that he is there in your place, and therefore risking your own salvation because you are not repentant. If you stop then you have shown Jesus you care, and don't want to continue punishing him for your own sins, and therefore you must stop sinning, your conscience demands it. <br />
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And so , even in the case of sin, it is NOT my place to correct them, though a gentle reminder of God's thoughts on a matter are appropriate from time to time. It is Jesus who took the punishment, and it is his place to make our sins known to us. It is ours to simply love like Jesus loved. <br />
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And there you have it.. I plan to love, and not let my own frustration get in the way. No matter how strange your way of loving Jesus is.<br />
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Samantha Mehaffeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10746171564325753192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-98706711602875458.post-91500502309007109142019-08-01T04:39:00.002-07:002019-08-01T04:39:49.718-07:00School is starting again!Dear Readers, I'm not so great at this blog thing, I've had years to get it, but it hasn't come to me yet... however, lately it seems that I'm being drawn back to writing, so maybe this time... or maybe not...<br />
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Today is the first day of school, you might be wondering why in the world we are starting school on August 1st, which is typically way too early for a school year, and also happens to be a Thursday... but that is the beauty of home school!<br />
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Last year among all the chaos we decided to move back to Michigan... a decision that I felt was right, but also hated entirely. There were of course good things about the move, being close to family, and our best friends who had moved back there the year before, but I had made our last home HOME... and I really wanted to stay there. We named it 'Sometimes Creek' I painted a sign for it, it was beautiful, and I loved every part of it... and then God called us away.<br />
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Right in the middle of a school year!<br />
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So now as a family we have moved a total of 14 times. I really hope that phase of our life is done, and it seems for the first time EVER, my husband might be on board with living out our days in one spot.<br />
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Last year we had a baby, took an unplanned scoping vacation to see what we could find for housing in Michigan, moved to a parsonage for temporary housing, spent MONTHS looking for a house to buy, and then moved into our home, our school year was WRECKED. And among all the craziness it just wasn't working to do school every day, so where we should have finished the year in May, we were still hard at work into June, and even most of July. The kids finished their school work as they were able, and I stopped pushing at all.. Its a new thing for me, to let them determine their education and find their own way through stuff... but I'll explain that in a minute.<br />
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Caeden was the last to finish his workbooks this year, and the last page was finished Tuesday, July 30th, leaving me ONE day to prepare for school to start on August 1st... starting on this date also lets us finish next year when we usually finish without stressing too hard, we can still take a good amount of breaks and enjoy things throughout the year. I'd honestly like to go to year round schooling next year and this lines us back up to being able to do that.<br />
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Today we begin a journey, today we start again, today we are starting school.<br />
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I said I would explain how I'm not pushing the kids anymore, so here goes. In the past I lined up everything meticulously, I knew how many pages had to be finished every single day in order to complete a school year on time. I also found that it was stressing the kids out, having this deadline over their heads, childhood should be a time with no stress, helping them grow and form patterns in their brains that will last a lifetime.. I want my kids to be hard workers, but I don't want them stressed out. So, for this school year I'm going to provide them work to do, and set a timer for each subject and let them go as fast or slow as they want to on each thing. I'd love to see their determination grow, and their work ethic along with it, but if that doesn't happen I will see something else happen, less enjoyable, but still just as important, they will see that they have the power to determine somethings in their future... they will see (if they don't work hard) the consequences of their inaction, which will be that they don't get to move onto the next grade level in each subject unless they finish the one they have... which could mean years in the same grade if they don't do anything.. but I have faith in my kids, they will do well. <br />
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As a first day of school starter, I also wanted to interview each of the kids.<br />
Here is Micah's interview<br />
Age: 5<br />
Grade: Kindergarten<br />
What was your favorite part about school last year? "coloring"<br />
What are you looking forward to this year? "That I can finally color"<br />
If you had one big goal that you wanted to work toward what would it be? "Reading"<br />
What would you like to tell yourself at the end of this school year? "I like dinosaurs"<br />
<br />
Here is Caeden's interview<br />
Age: 10<br />
Grade: This year or last year? (this) 5th grade<br />
What was your favorite part about school last year? "I liked what History was about last year.<br />
What you are you looking forward to this year? "My new math" <br />
If you had one big goal that you wanted to work toward what would it be? "A LONG Summer break."<br />
What would you like to tell yourself at the end of this school year? "You've done a good job Caeden, Thank you Caeden."<br />
<br />
Here is Sapphira's interview:<br />
Age: 9<br />
Grade: 3rd<br />
What was your favorite part about school last year? "Doing my math really fast"<br />
What are you looking forward to this year? "because we haven't done school in a long time."<br />
If you had one big goal that you wanted to work toward what would it be? "That is really hard, I have to think about it, read 7 books."<br />
What would you like to tell yourself at the end of this school year? "I did very well"<br />
<br />
Esmarie isn't starting school but I interviewed her anyway.<br />
Age: something<br />
Grade: ummm Esmarie<br />
What was your favorite part about school last year? "umm, school last year"<br />
What are you looking forward to this year? "this year, um, do"<br />
If you had one big goal that you wanted to work toward what would it be? "this year, potty trained" (I might have fed that one to her)<br />
What would you like to tell yourself at the end of this school year? "sister"<br />
<br />
With that, I guess you are as ready as we are to start this year up! I'm excited! Can't wait to tell you how our first day goes!Samantha Mehaffeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10746171564325753192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-98706711602875458.post-11743831315202353872018-08-24T17:04:00.002-07:002020-12-29T21:50:53.091-08:00The Amazing Birth of KyaGod has blessed me so much through the birth of our 5th child, and I'm only sorry I didn't write about it sooner. I think this story might help other mamas, so I'm going to copy some entries from my personal journal about her birth and the pregnancy leading to that birth below. Please understand my journal is not just a diary, it is my letters to the King of Kings, so they are addressed to God. Also understand that not all my entries are written about pregnancy, so you will see the dates are quite different and spaced out, but that doesn't mean that I don't write often, just that the letters between the ones shared are not relevant.<br />
<br />
"5-17-18<br />
Dear Lord in heaven, mighty savior,<br />
I am reading in Samuel and find it interesting that 1 Samuel 3:1b says "The word of the Lord was rare in those days; visions were not widespread."<br />
It seems you have some silent times throughout history. And it seems during these times that so many evil men and women influence the world. Now it seems to be a break in your silence for my generation. Aside from the things you speak to my heart, I don't have proof of what you are saying to the people of my world, but with men like Dan Fisher running for governor of Oklahoma and wanting to put an end to abortion in our state, calling it what it is; murder, it seems your silence in the hearts of men around the world is ending, and change is coming.<br />
....<br />
Lord, I am positive that I recognize your voice in my heart, You have spoken clearly to me too many times to miss it.<br />
"That's where you are going" - When you showed me New Zealand Master's Commission<br />
"This is the last thing I'm taking for awhile" - When after miscarriage, and Patrick getting out of the military and us moving in with my parents, and our dog Tristen dying, and then Prissy (also my dog) died and I felt as if my world had crumbled and I might not make it through. I didn't know how to stand anymore.<br />
"Trust me" - When you spoke to my heart in my sleep and woke me up to tell me I was pregnant before even a test could confirm it. <br />
"It's a girl" - You told me shortly before I miscarried that baby and you began to work a new mind in Patrick.<br />
"You are not alone." - When I labored for Esmarie and I cried out to you that I was overwhelmed and did not want to be alone for the labor and birth.<br />
And just yesterday as I prayed about the great tiredness that had come over me, you said: "I am doing this for you." and my heart knew you were talking about the timing of the birth of our 5th child Kya. but still I don't know know that it means, not really anyway. I believe it means that you are answering my prayers for the birth of this child. That she will be born before her due date, that she will be smaller and that labor will have a clear start to it. And though I have not prayed it as often, I would like to have a seven or eight hour labor. My only other request is that you give me peace about the birth, I'm not scared of birth, but it is powerful and intimidating, so though this is the first time I've put it into words I would also love to have some peace about it and enjoy it.<br />
I thank you Lord, for your goodness to me, and look forward to seeing how your words to me play out. You are trustworthy and your plans for me are good.<br />
Love Samantha"<br />
<br />
"5-19-18<br />
Dear Heavenly Father,<br />
...<br />
I am trying to understand you, today and for the last two days I have been trying to understand what you meant when you told me 'I'm doing this for you.' Mostly I've just been trying to predict labor though I really want to know if you meant that you were answering my prayers with a 'yes' and I would deliver early, and therefore have a smaller baby, or if you meant that whatever is going to happen will happen because you have better plans for me than what I have prayed for. Which ever it is, I trust you. You have always had my future in your hands, and my past proves that your plans are good.<br />
I love you Lord! You are good.<br />
Love Samantha<br />
P.s. Whenever Kya is coming, please give me the time to have a peaceful relaxed and enjoyable birth. Thank you Lord, I give it all over to you."<br />
<br />
"5-20-18<br />
Dean Lord of all,<br />
The book of Samuel 1 is very interesting, the stories are intriguing, I hope my children will enjoy them when we get that far in our bible reading. I'm enjoying them in m personal reading.<br />
Yesterday I had a feeling that I might go into labor, and I did not. My faith in you is strong, my faith in my interpretation of what you said to me is wavering. Could you please tell my heart what you meant when you said "I'm doing this for you." ? I'm impatient and I should not be. I have not even reached 38 weeks, though tomorrow marks that, I want Kya to be strong and healthy, ready to be breathing on her own, but I also want her to be a smaller baby than Micah and Esmarie. Maybe I'm being silly, they were both wonderful babies and Micah wasn't too big. Esmarie on the other hand was very big and it was difficult to carry her weight before she began to support herself.<br />
All of this is to say I'm confused and could use some clarity. I'm also a bit nervous about going past my due date because I have carried each baby longer than the one before with the exception of Jaemi and Saera. Hug them for me please!<br />
Jaemi would have been 5 nearly 6 now! and Saera would have been nearly 3. It seems crazy that so much time has passed and yet I don't feel the pain so much anymore so it seems like it should be longer. My children are 9,7,5,4,2,1 and one on the way, but you hold two of them for me.<br />
Lord help me to keep you at the center of Kya's birth, to hold fast to your presence and to enjoy your presence and the birth together. Help the endorphins and oxytocin to do their jobs and bring about change in my body in a beautiful and enjoyable way. And help me to embrace it all bringing Kya Phoebe out into my arms with laughter and JOY.<br />
...<br />
Love Samantha<br />
P.s Please keep me from a short labor this time. My head is raising with thoughts of what would happen if I was in town and had to drive myself home during a labor like Esmarie's. You alone are in control and I believe you would not let that happen, but I thought I'd mention it."<br />
<br />
"5-23-18<br />
Dear Lord,<br />
Thank you for the differences in this pregnancy. Thank you for answered prayers and for contractions that seem so different from my previous births. I feel like although I've been having contractions for a few days, they are so spaced and that I have no doubt about what my body is doing. Whereas in the past I often didn't know what was going on because the contractions were close together, some times even pretty strong and I just didn't know whether they would progress or just wear me out.<br />
So the contractions that come every hour or two and now every 30 minutes or more seems like such a blessing and I can not be confused by this at all. So again thank you Lord. You are so good to me.<br />
Thank you for the energy I know you are granting me to birth this child as well. I pray Lord that she will work with the process of birth and not fight it. That she will come smoothly and without concern. That she will breathe easily and pink up quickly. That this birth will be a time of celebration and enjoyment, that we can all laugh and have fun, and that among so many women, Patrick can have as much spotlight as he wants, and be a true hero to us all. That Sapphira will be able to quietly observe so that she doesn't annoy me with her questions. I was annoyed by her questions from a live birth video yesterday and it made me nervous to have her in my space.<br />
Thank you Lord for being such a good father, for being a healer, redeemer, and friend.<br />
Love Samantha"<br />
<br />
"5-25-18<br />
Dear Lord,<br />
When will you give me birth of this baby? I know you have it perfectly orchestrated and that your plans are higher than min, but I'd really love for your plan to be today. If not, ok. But Please!<br />
You know my prayers. Smaller baby, no questions of when labor starts, 7-8 hours of labor. And I know you said "I'm doing this for you!" So I believe you are granting those requests. Please be granting those requests!<br />
Please help me to be calm and just wait on you, and not get frustrated in the waiting. Thank you Lord.<br />
Love Samantha"<br />
<br />
"5-28-18<br />
Dear Heavenly Father,<br />
Jesus, you alone know what my future holds and when this baby will be born. but the closer the time comes for Patrick to go back to work the more I wonder about what your plan is. If he is on the other side of the city will he be here in time for the birth of this child?<br />
On the other hand, I'm encouraged because though the contractions do not always stay around I've been having contractions every day for several days, and when they come oddly enough they are predictable in one manor. The day I went to help (friend), I think it was Tuesday, I had a few contractions for a little while that were forty minutes apart, and then they just stopped and went away. Then one day they were 20 minutes apart, and another day between 15 and 20 minutes, always staying for awhile and then disappearing. Last night they were about 7-10 minutes apart, so they are getting closer and perhaps one of these days they will settle in to stay until she is born... I would be happy for that.<br />
Today is memorial day, the day we set aside to honor fallen heroes and to remember the blood that was shed by those fighting for our freedom in America. I can't think of a better hero than you, dying willingly in a battle against sin, and liberating us from the power of sin and death through the sacrifice of your innocent life.<br />
And so many young men have followed your example since that time, laying their lives down for the freedom of others. Thank you Lord for the men and women who have done so.<br />
Love, Samantha"<br />
<br />
"5-30-18<br />
Dear Lord God,<br />
Patrick returns to work today, and unless you plan for this child to be born before he leaves tonight then I can assume that every person who is to be a support to me during this birth will be 40-45 minutes away, and that I will be alone with the kids during all that time. My request is the same as it has always been, give me a clear start to labor, and make it last 7-8 hours. I really do not want to birth this baby alone, or to labor alone. I've welcomed more people to this birth than ever before, so I just ask that you please allow them to be here for me while I labor.<br />
Only you know the day Kya will be born, and though I would really like to know, that has not been allotted for me to know, so I am trusting you to work out the details. Just like you worked out the details concerning my van and getting Micah and i safely home before it broke down, and the cost of the extra miles for the tow truck, I also trust you will work out the details for the cost of the repair, and the process of picking it up, as well as the details of the birth of Kya.<br />
...<br />
Love, Samantha"<br />
<br />
"5-31-18<br />
Dear Lord,<br />
Patrick could not get a hold of me last night so on his lunch break he drove all the way home to check on me, I feel embarrassed that he went to all that trouble when I was just sitting on the couch as he opened the door, but also blessed that he would come when he worried about me enough to come home, a 45 minute drive one way, during his hour long lunch break and be late getting back to work.<br />
Now if only I could be in labor today, tomorrow, or just very soon. I know I heard your voice, when you said you were 'doing this for me', but I'm still wondering what you were doing... answering my prayers in the way I've hoped, or in a different way entirely? You alone know, and I will wait on you.<br />
My midwife and her apprentice will be here soon for my prenatal appointment, I just actually don't want to think about pregnancy anymore, and yet it is the only thing I think of.<br />
My tiny crochet group at church made me feel so blessed! They showered me last night with gifts, it wasn't planned, they just did it. And I love them for it. (J) made Kya a lamb lovey, (P) gave me a box of wet wipes, and (T) gave me a little dress with a jacket that she had her sister crochet. It is so precious! I'm so blessed!<br />
Kya is going to be blessed by these women, just to know them! I'm making my own tribe, and it is beautiful, I tried to make friends at church before, but it always felt forced, so I'm very happy to have found a group of women who I can be myself with and just talk to them. Thank you for bringing them into my life.<br />
Love Samantha"<br />
<br />
"6-2-18<br />
Dear Lord,<br />
Thank you for the time I had with (B) yesterday. It was nice to talk with her and get to know her better. I do wish that things had progressed into labor last night though. I know your plans are good and you are working out perfect miracles for me. You are certainly caring for your child and doing what is best for your creation. So I just pray that you give me peace and understanding and the ability to wait this all out and do what needs doing while I wait. You are good!<br />
Establish yourself in me and your will in my life.<br />
Thank you Lord for your blessings.<br />
Samantha"<br />
<br />
"6-3-18<br />
Dear Lord Jesus,<br />
...<br />
Yesterday was a highly productive day. (B) came over after Patrick went to work and helped me clean up the house. We got the living room fully cleaned she even mopped the floor. in there. We got my bedroom cleaned, at least my parts are clean. We got the bathroom clean, except for the shower and tub, but those were cleaned not long ago so it is done enough.<br />
(B) predicted that I probably have a long ways to go before this baby is born, but I am still believing she will be born before her due date, which is tomorrow so.....<br />
If you are going to answer that prayer, today is the day. If however you choose not to bring me into labor I still choose to trust that you know what you are doing.<br />
Today can be a birthday, or it can be church, VBS, and connect group, whatever you lead me to I will accept. And joyfully so.<br />
Thank you for today, thank you that I have plans with people who make me feel loved and safe even though I could go into labor far from home, with the kids in tow. Thank you that the kids can have something fun to do today, even though I am so close to delivering this child. Thank you for giving them the activities and fun things going on even though they are so close to welcoming a new sister to our family.<br />
Thank you for this child. And thank you for (B) and all the help she was yesterday and the day before. She never needed to do that, and yet she did, and on her daughter's birthday no less. I can't even thank her enough!<br />
Samantha"<br />
<br />
"6-4-18<br />
Dear Lord,<br />
At least one of my prayers is answered, and the answer is no... I'm not going to sulk about it, even though the day I prayed would be Kya's birthday became (J)'s birthday. I'm happy for (E), but frustrated too. Are you indeed intending to answer any of my prayers for Kya's birth? Will you give me a smaller baby? Will you give me a clear labor start that lasts 7-8 hours: Will it be a time of bonding with my birth team?<br />
I really feel as if my hope is entirely in your hands and that you won't fail me, but I am also disappointed in the things that have been happening lately. Our church has recognized another pregnant woman from the pulpit twice. Meanwhile I am pregnant too, and there is only four days between our due dates. Makes me feel sad. I know it isn't that I am loved less, it just feels that way. And today in general sucks because it is my due date and you decided to leave me pregnant longer. I'm just emotional, I know you have better plans, and perhaps I just need to vent and cry a bit and I will feel better.<br />
Love,<br />
Samantha"<br />
<br />
"6-5-18<br />
Dear Lord,<br />
...<br />
Thank you Lord for Kya Phoebe, I pray that you are making her strong and holding her safe for her perfect birthday whenever that is. I'm officially past my due date, which I know means nothing, but I'm trying to adopt the attitude that she is perfectly fine where she is and can stay there just as long as she needs to and I'm not going to dwell on any day being her birthday because when that day passes into the one after it, my emotions can not handle it.<br />
It is all in your hands, and you will be in control of it all and I wouldn't have it any other way.<br />
I may however need to stay off Facebook until Kya is born though because I just can't look at pictures of other women's babies right now. With that said I do pray they are doing well, that the babies are growing and the mom's healing. That their births were amazing and filled with your presence.<br />
Love, Samantha<br />
p.s. I will praise you in this storm, I will lift my hands, you are who you are, no matter where I am."<br />
<br />
"6-7-18<br />
Dear Lord,<br />
Contractions started very lightly at 2 am, but I've spent most of the night since 1:30 am awake. At first they were 5 minutes apart but hardly noticeable, then they spaced out to 10 ,minutes and got more intense but they have stayed that way for several hours so I don't know if I'll be calling anyone out here. Patrick even went to work this morning, but he calls me every half hour or so.<br />
There is a thunderstorm going on outside but it is only just starting and not supposed to last long, so I doubt it will have much chance of making labor stronger.<br />
I believe you have it figured out though. Even if I don't have a clue. I do pray that you help me to figure it out though because we are supposed to go to (R)'s house today to let the kids swim, and since the weather should only be bad a little longer there isn't much reason not to take them.<br />
...<br />
Love, Samantha"<br />
<br />
"6-9-18<br />
Dear Lord Jesus,<br />
I read Esmarie's birth story today and it amazes me just how present you were for the whole thing, and yet it wasn't my favorite birth. I should give you more glory for that experience. I truly love what you have done to bring her into my arms. Actually her entire story to this moment is worthy of praising you for. She is such a beautiful child, even though she is trying me lately, I know this is just a part of her character development.<br />
Lord I know you have plans for Kya's birth, I'm asking you to please bring them to fruition today. There is nothing special about this day, it is just a day, but Lord, I am ready to have this child now. I'm still asking for a 7-8 hour labor, but I'm asking for it today. My despair yesterday has turned to motivation today, and I am ready to turn that into a productive labor.<br />
As in Esmarie's birth day I draw your attention to Psalm 40:17 "As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer. do not delay, o my God."<br />
You are my deliverer, do not delay another day. Bring my body into a calm and effective clearly started labor.<br />
Thank you Lord, Amen,<br />
Samantha"<br />
<br />
"6-10-18<br />
Dear Lord,<br />
Every day is becoming a struggle to believe your words to me. After all weren't they spoken 3-4 weeks ago and now here I sit, one day less than a week after my so called due date, still pregnant and not only pregnant but with this child higher in my pelvis than she has been in a long time, leading me to believe she really has no chance at birth today.<br />
It has been a full week since the day I prayed would be Kya's birthday and is now someone else's birthday.I'm about to go to church and hear a bunch of people either joke about when my child will be born or sympathize with me about the duration of this pregnancy and ask me 'how much longer until they induce?' Which is socially and culturally acceptable nonsense and only frustrates me more for the lack of understanding that this duration is what is best for my baby, regardless of how I feel about it.<br />
Though I am anxious to hold my daughter and eager to see her face, and I am not excited to still be pregnant, however I do not want to endanger her to get her out... nor do I wish to increase my personal risk of injury by forcing her birth based on a square on a calendar. I do need you to walk with me today though because I just don't have the attitude needed to handle people today.<br />
Help me not to be sullen about the long lasting wait for the birth of this child.<br />
Thank you Lord,<br />
Samantha"<br />
<br />
"6-11-18<br />
Dear Lord,<br />
I don't know whether I want to take the kids to their activities today or not. I dealt with all the people and all the questions as much as possible in friendly and gentle ways yesterday, and then I came home and freaked out on Patrick and cried like I have not cried in a long time. And today is probably going to be just as exhausting mentally if I do all the things. Yet, if I don't then everyone will want to know if I had the baby and text and Facebook message me and bug me anyway.<br />
I'm a week past my due date today. Looks like Esmarie's birth won't be my longest pregnancy anymore. I mean unless you do something before tomorrow morning. I know you are doing what is needed though, so I wait on you.<br />
Yesterday during church a woman spoke out in tongues and a man interpreted it, the message always seems to be the same. Wait on you, you love us... come to you and you will give us rest... all the things I know you would say. Yesterday seemed biblical and in line with scripture, and yet I wonder why I never feel personally touched by these outbursts. Perhaps because you speak to me directly I don't need to hear your voice in this way? I just don't know.. And I almost always pray that you will speak to my hearth through those words, but walk away feeling like I could have gotten that message by reading my bible and didn't need to hear it spoken aloud by an unplanned outburst from someone among the crowd. I hope that those outbursts do actually minister to the hearts of some in the congregation.<br />
Love,<br />
Samantha"<br />
<br />
"6-12-18<br />
Dear Lord,<br />
Will this child EVER come out? I know she will, but I doubt it at the same time. Yesterday I looked back at my fertility chart and figured out that Sapphira was not 4 days early, she was 3 days late, and I know she would have been later if not for doctor's and midwives who pushed me to have her. So this pattern of going later with each pregnancy is not true, and I have always thought Sapphira would have happily stayed put another two weeks if she had been allowed to do so. And that knowledge makes me actually feel better. Now I know that sometime after 40 weeks is totally normal for my body and that Esmarie and Kya waiting this long are just fine to do so. Though I've been ready for my baby and I feel as if you don't want to answer my prayers but ignore them right now. Still I will praise you. Still I will trust you, because you are good, and I am your creation.<br />
Help me to get the house picked up and ready for my appointment today at 3. I am embarrassed at how bad it has gotten since (B) came to help me out. I need to keep myself going and get it taken care of. The kitchen will be my first goal to tackle and hopefully I can really get it taken care of and move on to my bedroom. The kids have been helping with the dinning room and living room so I am not too worried about them. I know I can do it, and I'm sure you will guide me and help me to achieve it.<br />
Thank you Lord,<br />
Samantha"<br />
<br />
"6-13-18<br />
Dear Lord,<br />
All night contractions, they were five minutes apart but slipped to much longer and I woke up with them at 10 minutes apart. But all of them except the one I had just a bit ago were like the ones I have had off and on for weeks. no strength to them.<br />
Today would be a good date for our little blessing to be born though, exactly one month after my birthday would make the numbers memorable and please Lord don't let (E)'s latest prediction be right. The 18th! Oh please Lord no! I'm so exhausted from such light sleep last night and the night before I pray you will deliver me of this child in my womb. At least then the muscle work out would be over, obviously I'd then be caring for a newborn but that I can handle.<br />
I just want to sleep all day and wake up with a baby in my arms. How ridiculous is that? and I would love for these contractions to really mean something and not just be going on and on forever.<br />
Love,<br />
Samantha"<br />
<br />
"6-21-18<br />
Dear Lord,<br />
Thank you for an amazing birth! June 14th at 3 am I called (G), and told her it was baby time. After texting the group both (B) and (M) woke up to my text so I didn't have to call them. I did call (T) but as I suspected she was unable to come because she was babysitting her nephews. I woke Patrick up to tell him it was time to have a baby. At first I could hum through the contractions and it was working great to relax me, by the time (B) arrived I could not hum any more, but was trying to sing along with the playlist I had created on YouTube for Kya's birth.<br />
(B) gave me a contraction timer on her phone and began to set up the birth pool with Patrick. When I had a contraction she would rub my back, she didn't get much time to work on the pool. (M) came next and I had her take over for (B). The pool never did get set up. They ended up discovering the hose was leaking, but even in the best of circumstances they wouldn't have gotten it filled before Kya's birth.<br />
(G) showed up next. I was sitting on the birth ball and leaning on the bed and trying so hard to sing through the contractions. It mostly was not working. A song came on that just annoyed me and I made (M) skip it, then another came on that just felt amazing, like it melted my soul and made everything fluid. I told her to keep that one going and ignore the rest of the play list.<br />
(M) continued to rub my back, (G) felt out of place so she rubbed (M)'s back, (B) and Patrick continued to set up the birth pool. I had them stop when I realized my body had begun to push a little with each contraction. At this point I asked them to clear off the bed so I could climb up on it, I did, almost shocked by my ability to move, and talk during this part of labor (my last two home births I couldn't do much of anything at this point). I was on my knees with my hands on the foot board and this is when my mood just went haywire. I was happy and annoyed, and even cried for a minute. I told everyone I was uncomfortable and how I didn't want to do this anymore, or rather how I understood how other women tried to escape it. I laid down and got right back up. I thought I could sleep, nope. Someone suggested that I lean on Patrick instead of the foot board, this sounded wonderful but I was no longer able to move. Just before this my water had broke and actually sprayed forward drenching the place I had wanted to put my hands to support myself. I tried to tell them how wet it was up there, but they didn't understand until later when they could see it.<br />
Patrick moved over to where I could lean on him and that amazing peace of being held by someone you love washed over me. The panic I was starting to feel was gone. much like when the song I was enjoying played I felt my body relax again. By the way, the song is a newer version of "it is well with my soul".<br />
The pushing sensation began to escalate and Kya's head emerged, but not fully. Later (G) told me that she came out with her head presenting the top instead of the back and then stopped at her mouth. So during this time I was utterly confused as to what part of her I had birthed, the burning sensation just didn't end like it did in other births.<br />
Another contraction and I pushed the rest of her head out, then her shoulders came, I remember they did not come out like Micah's with several pushes, or like Esmarie's since she was a little wedged in, but it was two pushes very close to one another. It took me a moment to recover, I relaxed on Patrick's shoulders and relaxed my body, thinking all the while how I would be picking up my baby, but I just couldn't yet. After gathering myself I did pick her up, thinking how wonderful it was to have been given this moment to relax and prepare myself to see Kya and greet her in my own way instead of being rushed or shouted at, or told what to do, or anything else. I'm so thankful to (G) for having that policy.<br />
Kya Phoebe was born at 4:34 am on June 14th 2018. She weighed 8lbs even, and was 20 inches long.<br />
I prayed I would know when labor was real, and you answered. I prayed this birth would be fun and my whole team would be there and you answered. I prayed for 7-8 hours of labor and you showed me I could enjoy a 2 hour labor.<br />
Thank you,<br />
Samantha"Samantha Mehaffeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10746171564325753192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-98706711602875458.post-56214165236632391132018-06-09T06:48:00.000-07:002018-06-09T06:48:09.420-07:00Prodomal Labor sucksIf you have never experienced labor that doesn't do much of anything, let me tell you it isn't that fun.<br />
<br />
This is my fifth full term pregnancy, I past my due date a few days ago, I don't have any experience with having a late baby without prodomal labor, so I can't say much for the mental state of a woman with labor that is clearly defined at the time of her babies arrival but no labor leading up to it...<br />
What I can say is that having several different days where you feel like 'this could be it' but then second guessing EVERYTHING isn't really that great for your mental state.<br />
Before you ask, I'm ok. I'm not happy about it, but I'm ok. Two days ago I had some contractions that seemed to be getting stronger for awhile, and then they went away after about 6 hours or so, I'm really not counting the time, I just know it was long enough to make you take notice ok.... I know that within 12 hours of waking up everything that had progressively gotten stronger was then gone, but that is a whole lot of progress and change in between that I'm not going to get into the details of, so we'll just stick with 6 hours. <br />
After six hours I took a nap and it all went away, even the back pain I was experiencing went away.. so that was nice. However, facing ANYONE after all that labor is just not fun. People look at you with a sad sympathetic look on their faces and repeat over and over how it could be 'any time now' and or they ask you how you are doing... to which you really have no answer. Do you really want to be in labor? Do you want to acknowledge the child inside of you who refuses to come out? Do you feel good on the inside and miserable on the outside, or vise-versa...? <br />
I don't even know how I feel, let alone to express that feeling... who really knows how they feel at 40 weeks plus a bit? ready? Not ready at all? <br />
Today is 40 weeks and 5 days. Esmarie was my longest pregnancy so far, at 41 weeks 1 day, I'm not really looking forward to passing that date, but it seems that's the way this is headed... all the prodomal labor hasn't really gotten me too far... at least not that I know of since I'm not checking nor is anyone else checking my cervix. <br />
I will say it is Saturday, and that gives me a little hope... I know that is ridiculous, but Caeden was born Sunday morning after a Saturday labor, Micah was born Sunday morning after a Saturday labor, and Esmarie was born on a Saturday morning after a very short labor. Sapphira was born on a Friday morning after a forced labor on a Thursday and a c-section early Friday morning, not sure that counts though.<br />
Yesterday I was a mess, I felt depressed and lonely yet didn't want to be around anyone... I crocheted the whole day. The little flower baby thing I made turned out cute, still have to give it some eyes, but it's finished otherwise. And the kids cleaned up the living room and dinning room... so it wasn't a completely wasted day, even if I did just sit on the couch the majority of it. <br />
Today I feel a bit more optimistic, and no not just because it is Saturday, more so because I just can't stay mad at the baby inside of me who refuses to come out of my womb and into my arms... though I have not seen her yet, I know she is going to be adorable (the proof is in the pudding, two good looking parents and four other adorable kids... you can't get ugly from that!). I know she is going to come at God's perfect time for her! When....? I don't know that... and that bothers me, but God spoke to my heart a few weeks back, he said he was "doing this for me"... I don't know what that means, but it can't be to harm me.. I'm sure of that. He is a good God. I trust him fully to figure out the perfect time and way for this baby to be born.Samantha Mehaffeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10746171564325753192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-98706711602875458.post-49959483531337611892018-05-13T19:25:00.003-07:002018-05-13T19:25:26.093-07:00Mother's DayPatrick works an odd schedule, nights for 6 days, days for 6 days, and then off for 6 days. This week he is working nights, which is a bummer because he misses some of the things that are typically important... Mother's Day, and my birthday... which also happen to fall on the same day this year.<br />
I was gearing up to just forget the day as much as possible.. I mean I'm turning 34, and my oldest child is only 9, so it is either celebrate yourself and feel silly, or forget about it because your kids are not old enough to do the planning for you. I can't say it didn't bother me, it really did, but I felt foolish for being bothered by it. So I just didn't talk to anyone about it much.<br />
When people asked (and only a few did so it worked out alright) I would just say bluntly, honestly and without much emotion that I had no plans and that we'd probably just do church, which I was serving in the nursery for, and then eat something on the way home and just chill out there for the rest of the day. Nothing too exciting.<br />
BUT yesterday my husband surprised me. He asked me if I wanted to celebrate my birthday on Wednesday since he would be off that night in preparation for switching to his day shift, and it honestly melted my heart that he had even thought about it at all. This may not be a big deal really, and it isn't, but to me it meant a lot. Patrick does not plan things. As an example we decided a few years ago to switch off whose family we would see each year, last year was my family, so this year it is his family... BUT I keep asking him when he wants to go and he doesn't answer, he doesn't really switch the subject, but he never answers.. I think he is incapable, I say, you say the month and I'll make all the arrangements and he says "ok" and then we never get anywhere on the issue... So when my husband had picked a day, suggested a plan (eating at a restaurant) and asked me my opinion it was kind of shocking, and a lot appreciated. I was prepared (and happy) to let that be the plan and go with it, still forgetting as much as possible about the whole mother's day/birthday on Sunday thing.<br />
I was riding on cloud nine just thinking about how he'd remembered my birthday at all... and I told him how much it meant to me, talked to my mom and a few other people about how I was so impressed and happy about the situation, just in general felt GOOD to be remembered. And then this morning he came home and didn't come straight to the bedroom, I figured he was greeting the kids or something, I'm not normally awake when he comes in on his night shift (I don't sleep well when he isn't here, and the kids all know how to get their morning chores done and make their own breakfast so it doesn't really matter if i'm up at 7:30am or 8:00am. But I was actually up, and half dressed because Esmarie had taken her diaper off and was walking around diaperless at 7:20. I spotted a pair of Micah's pants that were nice and thought he might need them for church so I called him over to give him the pants. When he came he looked excited (still wasn't thinking much about Patrick not coming straight to the bedroom like he usually does) Micah starts stammering about 'we got' or 'there's something' and it hits me that Patrick has done something for me, though I still don't know what... and I don't want to foil his surprise, so when Sapphira walks up to Micah and says "Don't Tell Micah", I simply tell him to go take care of the pants, no longer caring that they are nicer than the ones he's wearing, but just trying to get him to not say what he's trying to say and move on. I walk away closing the bedroom door behind me and thinking about the fact that I'm half dressed, and need to finish getting dressed, but any moment I can expect my children to walk in with my husband and whatever they have planned....<br />
Quickly I grab the rest of my clothes and go to the bathroom to put them on so that they don't walk in and find me in my underwear or worse...After changing I come into the bedroom and there, holding a chocolate cake is my husband, still in his work uniform, my daughter holding some beautiful blue dyed Orchids, and my two boys, Esmarie is somewhere behind them getting into things and oblivious to whats happening, but still present. They sing happy birthday to me and I cried. <br />
Church was ok, I held a crying toddler for the whole service, she eventually fell asleep, I think she finally trusted me enough to relax. Then we got our picture taken at the photo booth they had set up, someone asked where Patrick was and I had to explain that he was working nights this week so he wasn't there. Two people found out it was my birthday, and everyone wished me a happy mother's day... it was generally a good time.. but not many people even knew it was my birthday and it always feels so weird to explain that mother's day isn't JUST mother's day for me, so I didn't tell them.<br />
We went out to get lunch at a family restaurant, and then came home... I generally just decided not to do anything responsible, cause it's my birthday, and just enjoyed being lazy, took a nap, and made dinner and avoided anything else that might have been done.<br />
But I'm still riding the waves of joy from the beautiful thoughtfulness of my husband... who as I said, is not a planner, and went above and beyond anything I expected. Oh and he also got me chocolate... so my candy jar is full again.. Even the boring birthdays are great birthdays when you are not forgotten.<br />
But this has all made me think more about how I feel about mother's day. <br />
In general I love the holiday, the idea of celebrating moms for the work they do, it is absolutely amazing. I'm glad we have a holiday for that. There are mother's who have birthed babies, mother's who have adopted babies, mother's who have carried and lost babies before ever meeting them, the walk is different for all of us, and sometimes you come across a childless woman who whether by choice or circumstance never had a child, but she is the most motherly person you'll ever meet (we've got one at our church), and all of them need to be celebrated. Mothering is a tough job! I do not include all women in this holiday, because before becoming a mother I do not think I needed to be celebrated on mother's day for being a woman capable of having children, it is not even remotely the same as being a mother. <br />
But I have ALWAYS had a rivalry for mother's day. First I was born on Mother's Day, the actual day. My mom always said she had missed getting a rose on her first mother's day so when she was pregnant with me she was excited to go to the church service where she knew she would be given a rose... and instead she ended up in labor with me, a sunnyside up giant baby, and no one from the church thought to bring her the rose she had wanted so badly... so I guess it started the year I was born. <br />
As I grew up my mom and her sister and my grandma started to plan mushroom hunting trips in the spring, it became a regular and traditional trip, however the mushrooms in Michigan are always in their peak season the weekend of Mother's Day... which was always the weekend of my birthday celebration... which meant that mom was often gone around my birthday, sometimes on my birthday, and I never felt forgotten, I think mom always made a point to make sure she was there for my actual birthday, but I do remember one year she actually asked me how I felt about her leaving because my birthday was actually during the time they had planned the trip. She did a great job of making me feel special... but the world didn't. No one knows it is your birthday when Mother's Day comes around. No one cares or thinks about birthdays when Mother's Day is around. Every mother that walks into a restaurant, or public place is greeted with a smile and a "Happy Mother's Day", but the little girl celebrating her birthday is just a weird aside from the real special day...<br />
And so my weird issue with mother's day just grew... I don't hate it, I love it, but I don't like my birthday to be so close to it.<br />
Now I thought I'd dealt with that as a mom, but this is only the second mother's day I've had as a mother that actually shared my birthday... the last one was in 2012. So I guess I realized today that I feel weird still about this odd holiday. <br />
I don't call anyone but my own mother for Mother's Day... I don't text anyone either, especially when it is the same day as my birthday. If anyone texts/calls/leaves me a Facebook message with a 'happy birthday' I reply "happy mother's day to you! But I don't think I've ever, until this year, publicly said Happy Mother's Day on social media.. maybe I have, but I don't remember. It just feels weird, on your birthday to wish everyone else a happy day.... it shouldn't because it is actually a beautiful thing... but it does.<br />
But this year I thought about all the moms I've served as a doula, all the moms that I've learned from, all the moms that I've walked this road with, all the moms that I've observed from afar, all the moms that pour their hearts out every day, in happiness, sadness, weariness, bittersweet moments, harsh realities, and every other situation... and I'm truly blessed... so VERY BLESSED to know so many women who mother so well... and who are not afraid to be real about it. Motherhood is a hard journey... and I shouldn't feel weird sharing this day with so many amazing women... yeah it takes some of my spot light (not that I am prone to asking for a spot light) but it also is just amazing to know that these women should be celebrated too... regardless of what day their holiday falls on.Samantha Mehaffeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10746171564325753192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-98706711602875458.post-76916211761517370692018-03-09T21:52:00.001-08:002018-03-09T21:52:09.142-08:00Why I choose MotherhoodI just finished reading an article that has me dumbfounded, and I just couldn't help but reply to it... so here you go, my opposing position for the article titled <a href="https://www.healthyway.com/content/more-women-are-choosing-not-to-have-children-and-heres-why/?rtg=3166-kZu6b8&param4=hwywp-fni-fbss-3166-us-de&param5=10154383474101186&param6=23842747607570652" target="_blank">More Women are Choosing Not to Have Children and Here's Why</a>. <br />
The article starts out by stating a fact that on it's surface is probably just plain ole fact, but when you really consider it has a FRIGHTENING implication...<br />
In 2014 47.6% of women between the ages of 15 and 44 did not have children. I've taken the liberty to look up the birth rate for the United States, according to this<a href="https://theweek.com/articles/642303/americas-birth-rate-now-national-emergency" target="_blank"> article</a> there are 59.6 births for every 1000 women, a woman must have 2.1 babies in her lifetime to maintain the population at it's current level, accounting for each of it's parents, plus some deaths along the way (it's sad, but not all children will grow to become reproducing adults). The United States of America falls just above 2 births per woman, which means we will maintain our current population... however not all women are out having babies, and that is what the article "More Women are Choosing Not the Have Children and Here's Why" is talking about. Why would we choose not to have children, knowing that our country, our species depends on us raising children?<br />
Well according to the author women are choosing not to have children for several reasons, and each of the reasons were given directly from women who choose not to have children themselves.<br />
<b>Reason 1?</b><br />
Not even sure this is really a reason to be honest, but terminology. Women are saying they are 'child-free' instead of childless... implying that they didn't fall into the cracks, they choose instead to be there. I don't even remotely understand that, no judgement in that, I just honestly don't understand, my whole life I wanted to be a mom, and when I finally got pregnant with my first child I was anxious to tell the whole world. I remember grocery shopping at a local store and wanting to tell the cashier about my pregnancy.. any excuse to announce my happiness to ANYONE who would listen! I was bummed when it took FOREVER for someone to finally ask me 'are you pregnant?' I wanted nothing more than for the radiance I felt from becoming a mother to be evident to EVERYONE who I came across. So to say I don't relate is and understatement.<br />
<b>Reason 2?</b><br />
Three is a crowd.<br />
The main reason to remain childless is because they can... because they can? Is this power? I am of the opinion that when I live my life it touches others... and that touch creates my legacy... I want to leave a legacy, and in our social media era I think it is safe to say most everyone wants to leave a legacy, they want as many 'likes' and 'comments' on their quirky lives as possible, they want attention, and they want to leave a lasting impact on the world... opinions are flying rampant all over Facebook and Twitter and all the other places people tend to leave them... and we all want attention, it is natural, even good I would venture to say, that we want to leave an impact on the world around us.<br />
How are we going to leave the biggest impact? Personally, I think that if I can reach 100 people in my life, give them a taste for who I am and all that, then that is pretty good, but probably only 30 of them will be around when I die and able to come to the funeral... BUT what if I created some people who i infused not only with my DNA but also with my ideas, my thoughts, my world view, and was a part of their every day lives, the nitty-gritty parts for more than 18 years, and then after that even I held some kind of responsibility and vested interest in their lives and they in mine... how many more people would I reach? If each one reaches 100 people themselves, then for each of those people I raised to be as much like me as possible (not the goal, just a thought to ponder) then for each child that I raise I get 100 more 'followers'... yeah, so I currently have 4 children and one more on the way, for each of them I get 100 people (all figurative, I have no idea how many people I will have impacted in my life) that means my meager 100 then turns into 500 people simply because I have deeply involved myself in the lives of those I raised for 18+ years. My impact just got a lot bigger people!<br />
So why wouldn't I as a selfish human want to impact a larger crowd simply by raising some of that crowd myself?<br />
The article says that we've wrested this important life altering choice out of the hands of the patriarchy... OH MY BULL! <br />
No one told me I had to have kids, and my husband certainly holds a part of this responsibility in his hands... capable hands I might add... hands that provide for our financial needs and serve as a guidepost for the direction of our family... We are a TEAM, no patriarchy here.. just a well oiled machine with kinks and road bumps along the way, but all in all a good team. We decided most everything together, no one forced anyone in this household to bear children, or to financially support said children.<br />
Sara Tenenbein is quoted saying " Just the two of us is awesome, maybe we don't need to add more humans to the equation." The only thing I have to say to this is, yes you do... if you don't... you in the figurative sense but also in the very real sense of human survival, don't 'add more humans to the equation' eventually the human race DIES... so yes, someone has to make the TERRIBLE (sarcasm) sacrifice of having children to further the human population of the world... or we won't exist anymore.. and as more and more people choose not to have kids, or to wait until their fertility is at a minimum and they may not be able to have children at all, the population suffers from it. Not only in the sense that we eventually have no more humans to inhabit the planet, but also that the few children our generations will produce will have to support you as a senior citizen, and the less their are to pay for your lifestyle, the more restricted your lifestyle will be, you NEED to prepare for your OWN future, and one of the best ways to do that is to have small people in your life now so that someone loves you enough to pay your bills when you are old and you don't end up eating cat food in a dark one room apartment with no electricity in the middle of the winter. <br />
<b>Reason 3?</b><br />
<b> </b>Babies are Gross.<br />
First, I disagree, PEOPLE ARE GROSS. The fact that you can wipe your own butt and do not rely on someone else to do so does not mean that you are never in contact with human feces... we all poop. We all vomit on occasion too, and while you are a grown up, when you get sick and miss the toilet or the bowl you keep by your bedside to puke into, who cleans it up? If you are lucky enough to have a spouse who will not puke at the sight of someones vomit then you may not have to clean it yourself, but chances are, if you're spouse is the type to clean up after you, then you may at some point have to clean up after them... it is a fact of life, people poop, and people puke, and sometimes they do both at the same time... Babies are tiny people... so naturally they do that which all people do. Is it gross? sure, but no more disgusting than you are, and in some ways, size based, a baby is much less disgusting than you.<br />
Also, though hard to explain there is a great satisfaction in knowing that you are capable of caring for a small person who is entirely dependent on you for survival. Not to mention the ADORABLE expressions that randomly play on a sleeping baby's face... they are enough to make you melt.<br />
Married couple and researchers from Kansas State University, Gary and Sandra Brase, have been looking into the reasons some people don't have babies and they determined that people who were exposed primarily to the negative side of babies, crying, diapers, and what-not, have less desire to procreate than those who are exposed to cuddles, smiles and generally happy parts of infancy and childhood. Is it any wonder really that if you focus solely on the negative of anything you will most likely not want to be a part of it? Where as if you see the positive then you'll want to experience it for yourself. <br />
Recently I was talking to a friend about transitions, when my husband and I got out of the military we went to live temporarily with my parents and they had a giant bedroom that they gave to our family, it actually wasn't too uncomfortable for my husband and I with our two children to live in this one bedroom together. of course there were the sneaky intimacy moments, and the frustrations of kids waking in the middle of the night and or choosing not to go to sleep because they had each other to entertain themselves. But overall my memory of us all sharing that space isn't too bad. My friend however said she was 'glad not to have children sometimes'. This struck me a little off. This same woman has wanted to have children and has not yet been able to carry a pregnancy to term, and so I know her intent wasn't that she just plain didn't desire children, but rather that she saw them in this situation to be a hindrance... whereas I did feel that things were hindering me, but it was never my children, it was our situation, my husband being unemployed after serving in the US Navy for 8 years, moving back into my parents house after having established my own routines and expectations for my family for several years... things like that, not the kids.<br />
Culture around the world, in many countries would like us to believe that children are a burden, but really they are such a blessing, and while difficult to raise, they are amazing to watch grow. So sure, they might be 'gross' just the same as you and I, but they are also incredible and imaginative, and intuitive. If you focus on the negative you'll only have negative feelings toward them, but if you look for the good (and it really isn't that hard) then you'll understand that while life with children is different, and difficult, it is also far more rewarding and fulfilling.<br />
<b>Reason 4?</b><br />
Women have Jobs.<br />
I have much to say about this. So much that I have to reign myself in a little. I have been unemployed for the past 10 years. And if I look into the future and count all the worries I could have it is quite terrifying to think that if anything happened to my husband I would be the breadwinner of my household and I've got little work experience to put on my resume. I have plenty of skills, just none that would translate well without misleading people onto a resume. HOWEVER, it is ENTIRELY possible to live a GOOD fulfilled, and pleasantly comfortable life, without having two working adults in the home. So whether women are choosing to have jobs, or they are financially dependent on their jobs, I'm not entirely sure, but the article suggests that because women have jobs they choose those jobs over the idea of having children. <br />
What do you value? Coffee at and overpriced and overrated cafe? well perhaps you should keep that job... but if you don't care about that, but instead care about deep relationships with people who will help you to become a better human, then perhaps your job isn't what will make that possible, you can find that in many places, including in your children... shocking I know.<br />
This portion of the article blames the united states government for not providing sufficient pay and leave for those who choose to have children, but I disagree... you can have an amazing life without coffee houses, and deadlines, boardrooms, and all that... I know because I have that. And it wasn't dependent on my house, my car, or the places I ate out. I've lived in my parents house (my lowest point), a 5th wheel with 3 children (an adventure of necessity), rental houses, my own 1070 sqft house, and now my dream house.... all these places didn't really change my happiness level at all.. I was perfectly happy with my family no matter where we were because; and I say this with all honesty, we were together.<br />
<b>Reason 5?</b><br />
Selfish isn't all bad.<br />
Selfish is selfish is selfish... who you live for is indicative of your personal health and well being. People who live only for themselves have less friendships, and people with less friendships will have less people to lean on in troubled times. And for mental health it can be beneficial to have a more selfless approach to life. Here is <a href="https://www.empowher.com/mental-health/content/how-being-selfless-can-impact-your-mental-health?page=0,0" target="_blank">an article</a> that talks about that. Some even believe that men who are involved in family life will live longer than those who are alone, whether by choice or circumstances, but specifically those who choose to be alone... because they are in their nature behaving more selfishly, whereas those who are alone by some other design than their personal choice might be more likely to volunteer and spend time with extended family to get that same sense of selflessness.<br />
One quoted woman (Mayer) in the article even says that if "freedom" equals "selfishness" then bring it on... I can't imagine a more sad view of raising children. <br />
As a home school mother, I find that I have ultimate freedom over my life. Sure I have to come up with a babysitter to be able to do the things I once didn't have to think twice about doing, but that really hasn't been an issue because for the most part I really don't want to do those once sought after things anymore. I'd rather spend an evening making pizza and popcorn and watching a movie with my family than going out to a club to dance, or a concert to listen to music, or even a theater to watch a movie, most every weekend. On occasion I do still enjoy those things, but for the most part I don't need them, I have more satisfying things to do with my children, right here in my home.<br />
<b>Reason 6?</b><br />
This one shocked, me, not because it was listed, but rather because it wasn't the first thing listed...<br />
Children Cost a lot.<br />
When I was pregnant for my first child my husband and I talked about money and the idea of me working to help pay for the cost of raising a child... at the time the most money a job had ever paid me to work for them was $9.50 per hour, and I wasn't working there any more. One Child in daycare for a woman who works 37 hours (never worked 40 because the boss didn't want to risk paying overtime)<br />
Putting our infant in daycare would have cost us around $7,000 a year (this is an estimate based on the area we live in and doesn't represent the entire country as the cost varies depending on location). My total income would have been around $18,000 before taxes, and we planned to have three children, so while I might make a bit of money while we had only one child in care, and I might even get a raise at my work place or find a job that would pay me more, I could expect that I'd probably max out at about $20,000 a year because I am not the main breadwinner in my family but only an added income and my dedication to family and current level of education (then and now) wouldn't really allow for me to make the big bucks... so once we put three children in daycare my income would still be pretty low considering the added cost of things like gas to bring kids to daycare and myself to work each day. For simplicity sake I just multiplied the cost of daycare by three (we wanted them close in age so I'd probably be paying for all of them at the same time at one point) and that means that I'd be paying more in daycare cost than I made in a year of working. At the time and even now this makes ZERO sense, so we opted that I become a stay at home mother. Now the entire cost of our family rested solely on my husband's shoulders, but the things our children would learn would come from our family alone... and that was worth the trade off. I wanted very much to be the one to raise my children, not a daycare, not a teacher, or a babysitter, but me. I felt God had entrusted them to me and I shouldn't take that lightly, and wouldn't allow someone else to fulfill my purpose in their lives. Not to mention the fact that little did I know it at the time but I don't respond well to a breast pump and would not have been able to maintain an exclusively breastfeeding relationship with my infant if I had to drop them off at a daycare every day, thereby increasing our cost to add formula for feeding said baby.<br />
So do babies cost money? Sure they do, but you don't have to buy a new stroller, you get a nice used one for very little money, I did. You also don't have to get a new pack'n'play for baby, you don't even HAVE to have one in the first place but if you decide it is necessary it is easy to find a nice quality one that doesn't cost the price of new, from just about anyone. I got mine for $35 and have been using it for 9 years, and it is still in great shape and works just as well as when I got it. You also don't need a traditional changing table, just a caddy with diapers and wipes on my bedroom floor is all I use now, but at one point I had a changing pad on a dresser, and it worked wonderfully. We bought our crib used as well, still in great condition and it has been used for four children, and was a great $90 find, and will be used for the 5th baby as well. Not buying new things has great benefits. You can get affordable new clothes from Good will and thrift shops as well, though I personally steer clear of some of the baby resale shops because they cost nearly as much as the new clothes at wal-mart and target. Having a child doesn't have to cost a lot. <br />
I recently talked to a mom who is expecting her 2nd girl, and she was expressing the need to decorate the 'nursery' and update her other daughter to a 'toddler room'. All I could think about was how much things change when all the bedrooms are filled and you have another baby on the way... no more decorating the bedrooms. It is fun for the first baby or two, but beyond that, there is no need, and no room, so the cost actually goes down with each additional child you add to your family. Now that we are on child number 5, the only additional expense this one will cost us is diapers, and wipes, things I'm already buying, but now for at least a short time I'll be buying them for two at once, and that is it. Clothes are all handed down, one child to the next, and furniture and baby items will either be gifted to us or reused from the other children. There are those that are of the opinion that children can't wear used clothing, but if money is an object, there is no reason to follow that rule. In fact I noticed a decreasing need for pajamas for my third and fourth babies, they just wore their day time oh so comfortable sleepers or onsies to bed, no need to change them if you don't have to, save on laundry, as they get older they will actually need pajamas, but not when they are little.. not really.<br />
so cost really isn't that big of a deal for people with a brain in their heads and a head on their shoulders.<br />
<b>Reason 7?</b><br />
Stay at Home Dad's are still the exception<br />
If a mom makes more money than the dad, sure consider the dad for staying home with the kids, if Dad has a disability keeping him from being able to work, sure consider him for staying home with the kids.. for a number of other reasons there may be a reason to consider dad for staying home, but I'd venture to say that woman is more equipped to deal with the needs and demands of a child at home, particularly an infant. From a purely physical standpoint a mom is the better choice because it is her body that has and will continue to provide for an infant. A dad doesn't typically lactate, so if breastfeeding is something important to a family (and if you want to save money on food and healthcare it really should be) then it should be obvious that mom would stay home. Also, hormonal changes in mom's are designed to help their children in so many physical ways that men can do, but just not as well. Oxytocin is shared between a breastfeeding mom and her child, promoting a healthy brain, and development in the child. Skin to skin contact with either parent will help a baby to regulate their body temperature, but seems to work best with mom. A baby can learn to regulate their heart rate also by being skin to skin with his/her mother. Here is another <a href="http://www.mothering.com/articles/the-science-of-mother-love/" target="_blank">great article</a> to explain the need a child and mother have for each other. <br />
So while I don't think it is bad to have dad instead of mom, I fully believe it is more beneficial for an infant, toddler and young child to have mom, and then as they get older to then learn from and connect to their father more and more throughout their older childhood and teen years, depending on his wisdom and guidance to develop important life skills. It just makes sense that mothers and babies be together in those early years, with all the benefits that a mother's body can have on her child and it's development.<br />
Kohler, a participant in the article was quoted saying "Raising a kid before s/he begins school is more than a full-time job. It's 24 hours a day, seven days a week, with no time off for good behavior. I'm not fit to be around <i>adult</i> human beings when sleep-deprived, let alone a child dependent on me for Every. Little. Thing." However this is the kind of thinking that someone without children would have... and even some with children who have no support systems or who have chosen to focus on how hard things are rather than taking the approach of thankfulness, or at least looking for the benefits of parenting. <br />
The chemical and hormonal communication between a mother and her child is amazingly complex, one of the things our bodies were designed to do was actually to wake as our baby is waking to feed them quickly and then both mother and baby go happily back to sleep... our culture however teaches us to keep our infants in a separate room from us, making it impossible for our bodies to read the chemical make up of our child as they start to wake (even before they have moved or stirred from their sleeping) to be fed, so by the time we are awake and aware of our infants growing need for nourishment, or even comfort, they are already crying for us, and wide awake, which means that we must then fully wake up to calm them before feeding them and putting them back to bed, a much longer process than God intended it to be. A mother who keeps her infant far from her while resting will have less rest than one who sleeps with her infant at most an arms length away from her. At some point this does change and sleep is easier for both when they have their own space, but that I leave up to each individual. <br />
My point is that you don't have to be sleep deprived to be a parent... yes you will have times when you are sleep deprived, but not as many as people make it seem, and if not as many, then certainly not as long as they make it sound. <br />
Parenthood is a gift. And the article I've been addressing doesn't take into account that about 40% of american women approaching the end of their childbearing days will say they did not have as many children as they wished they would have... and that is sad, but also telling. Selfishness is not a long term reward for a life well lived, and children are a blessing that can not be contained in a short article that claims women who have children are under patriarchy control.<br />
<br />Samantha Mehaffeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10746171564325753192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-98706711602875458.post-30427078532234054852018-01-20T14:16:00.000-08:002018-01-20T14:20:08.405-08:00Money<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="6b6a0" data-offset-key="43ou4-0-0" style="background-color: white; color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap;">
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<span data-offset-key="43ou4-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">I'm seeing a lot of money talk right now as military members face the fact that their pay has been frozen, and regardless of how long it takes for them to get paid, regardless of any of that... (this post has little to nothing to do with that situation, just the money thing) I have to say, saving money is NOT hard. What does it take to save money? Planning. Budgeting. Being mindful of your future instead of what is currently your situation. How can I say that? </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="damc1-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">I'm 33 years old, I've been married 10.5 years, my husband is AMAZING when it comes to saving money... I however am NOT... but I'm learning and our partnership has been amazing in this area. </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="aoukn-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">Did I learn to save money from my parents? No, they have always been in a tight spot, and it has a lot to do with planning.. they are not planners, and they run into situations before adequately planning for them. (This is not to say my family has ever been in need and not able to provide, they just don't 'save money' well.) So no I didn't learn it from my mom or dad.</span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="1hg1r-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">Did my husband learn it from his mother and father? No, he didn't know his dad, and his mom was a single mother putting herself through college during his growing up years. He was not in need of anything she couldn't provide either, but she wasn't able to put away for the future either.</span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="a3u9o-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">Maybe this left us both prone to want to provide what our parents couldn't... maybe. But we taught ourselves to save... he more than I.</span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="fsr23-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">When we got married Patrick was in the military, he received a sign up bonus, did he immediately spend it? NO. This incredible guy knew one day he was going to have a family and dreamed that in his 30's he would own his house free and clear and have a boat. Neither of those things is currently true and yes we are in our 30's, but what is true is that he actually has money in his savings account. </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="fsr23-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">I feel it is stupid to write numbers on the internet about how much money people have, so I'm not sharing that. Instead I want to tell you what I was doing during that time when my husband started saving his money.</span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="fsr23-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">I was babysitting, taking odd jobs where I could find them, dressed as the Easter Bunny at the Mall, and a photo taking elf who also managed the booth for your children to sit on Santa's lap. I also worked part time at a daycare where I was on-call for the people who got sick or for other reasons couldn't come to work. I was paid so little with all these jobs combined that when my best friend moved from Michigan to Oklahoma I packed myself up and moved too. I found an apartment, a job with steady hours and someone to co-sign a loan on my apartment so that I could achieve this. I HATE debt, so instead of saving money I put EVERYTHING I had into paying off that loan so my co-signer and myself wouldn't have to worry about me screwing up anyone's credit. I was young, ambitious and determined. I lived off from take out mostly bought by my now husband when he took me out to eat, and simple foods I could afford and cook in my apartment that was by the way furnished with a twin sized mattress on the floor, a plastic table someone was getting rid of, and some chairs also pulled out of that person's garage. A sewing machine someone bought for me so that I could make bean bags, ONE bean bag that I filled with packing peanuts because they were cheaper than bean bag filling, and dishes and pots and pans that I found at garage sales. I had NOTHING special. my future mother in law actually bought me a futon when she visited and saw I only had a single chair for my living room and a beanbag. </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="fsr23-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">I was not uncomfortable, or embarrassed to invite people over, I actually had lots of people over, as often as possible, I was proud of my little mismatched space and what I had done to make it my own and comfortable with the little bit of money I had. </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="fsr23-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">I had no savings, I was barely paying my bills, BUT then once that loan was paid off I started saving, my account started looking better and better, I learned to stay cheap, not to buy the couch I really wanted, or even the pictures or curtains I would have liked to have had, but to put money in the bank and not buy until I had no choice but to do that.</span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="fsr23-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">Then I got married and I quit my job to be a stay at home wife. We had some medical bills to pay off and saving was put on hold again, we simply couldn't afford to save, but Patrick had his money already sitting in an account he hadn't touched... so we did have a savings, and it was earning interest. Slowly I learned how to pay things off and budget for the next week. It doesn't take much to spend less than you make. even if it is only $1 at a time... you CAN do it! don't go over on your grocery budget, put something back if you must.</span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="fsr23-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">Saying you are not able to save money and then going on to buy Starbucks coffee or hot chocolate is lying. Regardless of the fact that the person you are lying to most is yourself, you are lying if you say you can't afford to save money, but you can afford that coffee. I'm guilty of it, I don't want you all to think I'm picking on anyone in particular, I just think it is ridiculous we American's get into this mood where we say "whoa is me, I can't save money, I'll never get ahead!" and we live in this state of fear where we can't get ahead, and we can't be happy where we are... that is CRAP.</span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="fsr23-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">check yourself. Create a budget, and don't go over it. saving money is SO POSSIBLE! </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="fsr23-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">There was a time when my husband was so into saving money that he would cut my generosity and constantly tell me 'no, we can't afford that'... but then he'd go buy the kids stupid $5 toys that would be broken in a week, and it was his way of telling them he loved them and I love that he loves them, but when I pointed this out to him, that he could show love through his money but he wasn't allowing me to do the same, things suddenly changed. </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="fsr23-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">We now have TWO, not just one, but TWO kids that we sponsor through Compassion International, not because I wanted to, but because HE wanted to, and he asked me to find the children we should sponsor, he didn't even know the name of the companies that do this at the time.</span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="fsr23-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">And here is the kicker! We went through a period of 7 months, that is more than half the year y'all, that he was laid off... NOT GETTING PAID to work... during that time, here is what happened.</span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="fsr23-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">1. we DID receive Patrick's monthly allotment for disability granted from the military</span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="fsr23-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">2. we DID receive WIC</span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="fsr23-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">3. we DID receive benefits from Patrick's G.I. Bill</span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="fsr23-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">4. we rented out our 5th wheel to some transitioning friends for a few of these months (this is NOT a recreational vehicle for us, but was our home for 6 months, check back in my old posts you'll see how we lived. We actually are trying to sell this now so that we don't have the cost of it over our heads anymore, but the purchase wasn't just for fun, but rather necessity)</span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="fsr23-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">5. we found a local food bank to cut our grocery costs.</span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="fsr23-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">In the end we spent about $2000 in SEVEN months that we had previously saved for a rainy day. That's pretty incredible, because of a small amount of diligence we lived for seven months on an income that was less than desirable, and were able to pay for everything we needed, and we really were not living any differently than we had been before he was laid off. Had we really cut ourselves back, we could have made it without spending ANY of his savings. </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="fsr23-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">Ok, you might be thinking 'yea but most people don't have disability payments and G.I. Bills to benefit from...' and YES that is true, but my point is that we live so much more luxuriously than we have to, as Americans in general. I do want to note here that people without savings might actually stand to receive more aid than those with a savings account, because while we could qualify for WIC we could not qualify for food stamps, or housing assistance.</span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="fsr23-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">What can you give up to save a few dollars a week? </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="fsr23-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">Let's do a little math. say you save $10 a week for a year... that is $520 a year that you saved. I'm not even going to add in interest at this point because it is too meager to think about, however you'll notice that it quickly adds up the more money you get into that savings account. now at only $10 a week you'll have over a thousand dollars in two years.. and that is what most people are saying they can not maintain in their bank accounts. This is simply to ridiculous not to point out here.. but as you get better at saving money, stay with a job longer (i.e.get raises) or switch to a higher paying job with your gained experience you'll be bringing in more money and therefore should be SAVING more money. </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="fsr23-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">When I began saving money it was only in $5 increments, but it was something. Then as our pay got better we began saving $20 at a time, then as things got even better instead of limiting ourselves on how much we could save we switched to limiting the amount we spent. Now as his pay increases so does our savings because we don't act richer, even if we are. We eat out the same number of times, pay for the same house, buy things used, (ESPECIALLY CARS!!!) take loans extremely cautiously, and keep our grocery and shopping budgets where they always have been. Just because his pay went up $5 an hour from the last job to this one doesn't mean i suddenly go from shopping at Wal-mart to shopping at American Eagle or wherever the cool kids get their clothes. (point in case I don't even know where to get cool clothes). My family is 'middle class', and someday I hope that we live 'middle class' with an upper class bank account... because that is all we need.... to be where we are, we don't need more, we don't need better, we can have what we have, make it last as long as possible and stop spending what we could be saving.</span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="fsr23-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">I'm not at home, but if I were I'd post some pictures of my couch along with this... I'm not preaching to anyone more than I am preaching to myself... my couch is seriously a MESS. It is a sectional that is over 30 years old, we got it used smelling of curry and slightly dated, I made it look more current by removing the skirt from the bottom, and making covers for the throw pillows that matched our decor a bit better, I also might have attacked it with a spray bottle of Febreeze. Perfect... until my husband sat down one day and busted out the bottom of the couch... ugh. we need a new couch right? nope. He fixed it, and then of course he had to fix it again, and when it was beyond fixing we put half (the broken half) in the kid's playroom and pretended the couch was a single normal couch instead of a sectional, even though one end has a high 'arm' and the other has a normal 'arm'. So things were going pretty well until one day the arm ripped, I mean beyond repair tore through wore down, I can't with all my magical sewing skills fix the dang thing, tore..... We need a new couch, right? Well yes, but Patrick just went back to work, we need to build up our funds before going out and spending them all, so instead we folded a blanket over the end to protect it from the children pulling all the stuffing out, then I sewed three large UGLY brown pieces of material someone had given us, together and made a make shift couch cover. </span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="fsr23-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">We are close to affording that new couch... but we also need a lawn mower, a necessity once the lawn starts to grow again this spring... so what will we spend the money on? I don't know... but in the mean time, we use a push mower (on almost 3 acres of rough and bumpy land), and make the couch work until it completely falls apart, and I suck up my pride as I invite people to come and share life with us while sitting on my incredibly UGLY breaking couch.</span></div>
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<span data-offset-key="fsr23-0-0" style="font-family: inherit;">Saving is NOT impossible. Expenses will come, but saving is important and should be regarded as such. After all, that is your children's inheritance, if you spend it all while they are children I doubt they will care much for all the wonderful things you provided for them as much as they will love having a little nest egg of their own when you pass away and leave them a little something you worked hard to save for them.</span></div>
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Samantha Mehaffeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10746171564325753192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-98706711602875458.post-74374483089110507892018-01-02T11:16:00.000-08:002018-01-02T11:16:02.965-08:00Update on my new years resolutionI feel as if day one is always full of motivation, and lots of things get done, and it goes relatively smoothly. I got a lot accomplished with the help of my children. And I'm pleased with how it went.<br />
<br />
BUT now it is day two.<br />
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Let's just say I woke up with a prayer on my lips "Lord help me to do it all again today and not slack off" and so far so good, but lets just say the world...perhaps Satan is against me today.<br />
<br />
I was half way through my morning bible study when a knock came to the door and Caeden announced "Esmarie has a REALLY poopy diaper". This actually isn't anything new but it had traveled up her back and onto her sheets and clothing, so there was a bit of extra clean up to be done.<br />
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After dressing Esmarie and getting her some breakfast I spoke to Sapphira about our new morning challenge "who can do their chores the fastest" started purely because this girl will take an hour and a half to do the simplest things. So now we compete to see if she or I get our stuff done in the morning first. She was off, but I still had to finish my bible study... which I did.<br />
And then while I'm getting dressed I got a phone call from a friend who needed a minute of my time to freak out about her own life, which meant Sapphira TOTALLY beat me getting ready, and she did so in record time... I'm so proud of her!<br />
THEN... my day turned sour.<br />
Caeden knocked on the door while I was still on the phone, and he was having a very hard time getting his words out and tears were forming in his eyes, and I realized that we'd lost a chicken... this has happened before so I knew that is what had happened, but getting the facts and not the long version of the story was not happening so I got off the phone with my friend and forced the important facts out of my son, and then proceeded to send him to his room to recover while I went to take care of the chicken chores.<br />
On my way out to care for the chickens I stopped in the laundry room to retrieve a pair of my socks and found that the dog had for the second night in a row pooped on the floor! YAY me... dead chicken and dog poop first thing in the morning!<br />
Once I got out to the coop I realized that though Caeden thought we had lost two chickens we actually only lost one. AND he hadn't been gathering eggs in days! Like ever since the cold front hit, and we had 9 eggs in the coop, only one of which wasn't frozen solid and cracked open. Because I just LOVE feeding chickens and paying for new ones when the neighbors dog eats them, I'm super thrilled to see that my son has not been collecting the eggs. <br />
Caeden lost his job for the next week or perhaps longer, I will be taking my chickens back, he will no longer be selling eggs when we have an abundance, and I'm not sure when he will ever (if he ever does) get this privilege back. I honestly never wanted to let him sell the eggs for himself anyway, but my husband thought it was a great way for him to earn his own money and be proud of a job he had. Well that isn't working out so well. <br />
The chicken that died this last time wasn't anyone's fault but my sons... which is hard to say since I'd like to take it easy on him, he's beating himself up enough. However, he intentionally left the door unlatched because his fingers were too cold to latch it and instead of telling me this so I could take care of it (because lets be honest, it has been bitter cold and I totally would have helped him with that if he would have said he couldn't do it), he choose not to latch the bottom half (the more important half) of the coop door, and the neighbor's dog came over for a chicken dinner... We know, we all know, that the coop has to be constantly secured, and that it CANNOT be left any other way because we've lost enough chickens to that dog... but he left it open and we are down one chicken now. That is natural consequences for you... so no big deal.. however when you combine that with the fact that we lost 8 eggs to freezing temperatures and for three days my son had told me that there were no eggs to be gathered it makes me one upset mama. And that is why he is no longer caring for the chickens.<br />
After my morning fiasco though we've managed to get the dishwasher loaded, the laundry going, and school nearly completed.. a late start means they are on 'lunch break' instead of being done at lunch time... but the process is still moving forward...<br />
Next up, accomplishing all the tasks on the list and also grocery shopping... I've already prepared my list, so as soon as school work is completed and the house work is at least started, we'll be out the door... hopefully today will be as smooth as yesterday. <br />
If we make it through a whole week with the new task list, then I plan to share it with you, but for now you'll just have to trust that I'm testing it all out before I make a fool of myself and tell everyone how great it is and then fail miserably!<br />
Have a Blessed New Year!Samantha Mehaffeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10746171564325753192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-98706711602875458.post-11198940519607983132017-12-31T12:53:00.002-08:002017-12-31T12:53:33.505-08:00New Years Resolution/I'm fed up!Every year something happens in my household. starting near the end of October (Micah's birthday/Halloween time) things begin to get a little crazy around here. Our daily schedule begins to get off kilter, and slowly throughout the rest of the year it falls apart, only to be picked back up, dusted off and lovingly reinforced in January...<br />
Nothing new this year... except that it started sliding off in August (Esmarie's Birthday) instead of October! and I'm terrified that in years to come it will begin even earlier now that I've got a baby due in June... so if my year starts declining in June I'm in big trouble... this CANNOT happen!<br />
I heard on the radio that in order to keep your New Years resolutions you need a specific plan. Like say you want to lose weight (this is the example given on the radio) instead of saying "In 2018 I'm going to loose weight", you might say "I'm going to lose 20lbs by June 1st" and then you'll need to set mini goals, like "by April 1st I will have lost____" and "In order to attain these goals I'm going to eat salads for dinner 5 nights a week".... little attainable goals, with specifics attached to them.<br />
This morning I looked at my home, under critical eyes, as I turned off all the lights before leaving for church. With no thought about New Years Resolutions I analyzed each bedroom, the playroom, the living room, dinning room, kitchen, and bathrooms, and I came to the conclusion that God is blessing me FAR TOO MUCH. I have this AMAZING dream home, and I'm FAILING miserably at keeping it looking like the blessing that it is. I have 4 beautiful children living in this home that are 9, 7, 4, and 1 year old. I feel like I do a pretty great job at the 1-2 year age range of teaching them the little things like 'take care of your shoes', 'throw away your diaper', and 'put your clothes in the basket'... but then something happens at the age where they start dressing themselves and the laundry basket is neglected, the diapers are gone, but the toilet training is AWFUL! (I know I'm not supposed to envy others, but seriously when you have a child who trains in less than a month and I'm still training mine 3 years in, it's pretty hard not to envy you). And then they get older and until age 8 they are just stubborn and unmotivated, and I have to press hard to get things done, I have two in this stage right now... BUT if I do press hard I feel like at 8-9 years old (I have one there now) I have an amazing helper, and I'm looking forward to more of those!<br />
Anyway, since Christmas our lives have been turned upside down, Patrick's work schedule is weird and he gets random days off, not the same ones every week, but different ones EVERY WEEK, there is a rhythm to it, but it is hard to follow. So Christmas Eve I worked hard to get ready for Christmas, attended a party that evening tucked the kids in while demanding that Patrick vacuum the living room, and then went to bed after placing all the gifts under the tree. Christmas morning I followed my normal tradition of making a giant all you can eat smorgasbord for breakfast, opened presents with the kids, attempted to control the mess of boxes and wrapping paper, took out the majority of said boxes and wrapping paper, made dinner, and then crashed after enjoying the meal. I'd pretty much been serving my family from 5am-8pm, and I was beat. The day after Christmas Patrick was working and I was exhausted so I pretty much took a break, and nothing got done, but I'd cleaned up a lot of things Christmas day so I wasn't too worried... what I didn't think about was the next two days.<br />
Patrick works hard and when he has a day off the whole family takes their cues from him.. and that often means we leave sometime around lunch time and don't come home until dinner time. Which in terms of housekeeping means that as soon as the kids have had a chance to make a mess we are gone, then we come back in time to either get them in bed or feed them dinner (if dinner then you can see the kitchen hasn't had time to be cleaned up, and is a general disaster area to work in). So for two more days the house continued it's path of destruction. If you are counting then you know I have only cleaned a little bit on one of the last 4 days. Then comes Friday. Patrick is sick, but he goes into work anyway and struggles through, while I dutifully try to recover a portion of the house that I know will last the longest, my bedroom, bathroom, closet area that have been neglected for awhile because of all the birthday parties and holidays that we've hosted this year.... so the rest of the house is STILL a MESS, and getting worse by the minute since I'm not able to keep the kids going on tasks out there and work on my bedroom at the same time.<br />
Now we are on day 5 of minimal cleaning... and day six Patrick says he is feeling better but sounds pretty awful (sore throat from the day before is just making his voice sound cracked) and they send him home from work (for sounding bad, but not feeling bad). And because both of his vehicles are dead and buried we use this unexpected blessing of time off to go car shopping. We left at 10am, and got home around 6pm... I made dinner and then tried unsuccessfully to get warm after having been in and out of the car in 19 degree weather all day, and barely got anything done. Then there is today... when I critically looked at my house and realized I'm WAY over my head right now.<br />
I'm a planner so of course after hearing the advice on New Years resolutions on the radio I began planning. HOW CAN I MAKE NEXT YEAR DIFFERENT? <br />
First off, I'm getting a routine going. It occurs to me that I CANNOT delegate and manage if 1. I'm doing all the work myself, and 2. I'm not standing over my children to make sure they do the work themselves.... so far it just hasn't worked with 3 out of 4 of my children... the 4th is the oldest so I'm holding onto hope that the others will catch up.<br />
So you can expect very soon to see my new chore chart, and responsibility lists, but until then, here is what I've come up with.<br />
1. I need a MOMMY CHORE CHART. Yes the kids need charts, but if I have to actively manage them, I need to organize THEIR CHORES to fit MY SCHEDULE. <br />
2. Each Child will have jobs that they do EVERY DAY for a month, and then we will decide if they keep those jobs or get to switch to new ones. I've read the benefit of both things... and I just don't know which I like better, but I'm leaning toward proficiency and that seems to come from doing something over and over again.<br />
3. There will be MORE on each child's list than ever before. Not because I'm mean, but because while it is hard for me to train my children to do these things, I eventually would like to be able to just manage my household and not do it all myself.<br />
4. We are going to have to work as a family, so in some ways that is going to mean that Daddy has to take responsibility for things too... although his main responsibility has been and always will be to provide for us financially and mine is, has been and always will be to take care of those provisions in a responsible way, the new portion Daddy will have to play is basically to help me enforce these changes on days he has off... or I won't be able to keep them up because of his constantly changing schedule.<br />
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Keep watching for how this goes! I'm determined to make a plan and to see it through so that this project of CARING FOR OUR BLESSINGS is seen through to a satisfactory ending.<br />
AND maybe even more can be done this way.. maybe!<br />
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*note, my children have always had chores, and I have a GREAT schedule for doing my own jobs... but it takes dedication to follow through, and until now the majority of the work has been on my own shoulders, I'm a bit unsure of how this will go, having the kids do my chores with me until they can manage them all themselves, but I'm hopeful that it will mean the work is seen more as family work than just what mommy needs 'help' with.Samantha Mehaffeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10746171564325753192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-98706711602875458.post-65940853606650547802017-12-22T13:26:00.001-08:002017-12-22T13:26:39.881-08:00My journey with HomeopathyAlmost two years ago I saw a post on Facebook asking for people who had children who might benefit from homeopathic treatment to consider volunteering to become clients/patients(?) for a woman who was studying homeopathy and wanted to finish up her course but needed people to work with in order to do so. I responded and asked if eczema was something she thought she could help us with.<div>
Because I have built a relationship with her and have not asked for her permission to post her name or her business name I will refrain from doing so at this time, but I am going to share my journey with you.</div>
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We started seeing her soon after, she came to our house and asked me questions about Sapphira and her skin problems, but also about other things that bothered her, anything that related or not might be troublesome about her. Then she continued to ask questions like "does she have any aversion to eggs?" and "Does she sweat while she sleeps?" </div>
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Here is a run down of what I remember telling her:</div>
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Eczema with ZERO rash (she would just dig at her skin until she bled and then keep going at it).</div>
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Bed Wetting</div>
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Brain Fog</div>
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Comprehension delay (she's been seeing therapists since she was two for this)</div>
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Severe Far sightedness</div>
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Language processing problems (she would use words like 'soft' instead of 'feel')</div>
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Stubbornness (not typical kid stubbornness, but like if she gets it in her head that something does not belong to you she will try to rip it from your hands and CANNOT stop herself even when she hears me telling her to come to me, look at me, or stop doing what she is doing, I often had to physically touch her and pull her attention away from the item before she could even recognize that I was there).</div>
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Our Homeopath was quick to take notes, and in a few weeks we received our first remedy, it seems Sapphira was a bit of a hard case to crack and she needed to confer with her teacher before making a recommendation.</div>
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The first remedy did not do anything.</div>
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We were told to expect that we might need to try a few before finding the right one, and she was right. We were also told that when we did find the right remedy we would see her symptoms (whichever ones that remedy touched on) flare up, as in get worse, and then her body would respond and she would have a time period where things would look better than they had before the remedy, and then after a time the symptoms would return. We were told to expect this pattern to happen possibly many times before we saw symptoms completely disappear.</div>
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I can not remember if we had another kind of remedy before getting on the one we have now, but I do remember that at some point Silica was suggested and didn't do much of anything for us, so now we have a different one. I'm not going to give the name of the one we are on now because I truly believe that to get good results you should see a homeopath and have them make a suggestion instead of groping in the dark to find an answer.</div>
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Once we started on a good remedy Sapphira went from her minimal but constant scratching to digging holes that I simply couldn't stop her from digging, in her skin. The torture that I felt we were putting her through was hard, however there is nothing you can do at that point, except wait for the second part, the part where her body stops it and she clears up.... and it did come!</div>
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Sapphira slowly stopped itching as much, and then one day she woke up dry. This has been our biggest clue as to when the flare-up will end up until now. She went from wetting the bed 5-6 days a week, to being dry for 12 days straight. During this time with dry nights and not having to wash sheets every day she stopped itching, I mean not completely but enough that her skin began to heal, and you could see she wasn't as uncomfortable as she had been at least during the flare-up if not before it. Though because of other things I'd been doing to keep her itching down before the flare-up it was hard to tell whether it was better or relatively the same.</div>
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Now because our homeopath is new she is still working at the organization of running a business and because I am new at watching symptoms the process of getting remedies after the old one wears off has been difficult and the process I feel until now has been slower than it could have been. BUT I can see it working so well that I'm not giving up.</div>
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The second dose that we gave Sapphira was even better, she went 16 nights without wetting the bed. and I can attest that in between remedies (because they were taking so long to get) she was wetting the bed 3-5 nights a week, sometimes as much as 7 nights a week. So the line up of giving the does and a week of eczema flare up and then dry nights has been a consistent pattern and I can say honestly I've done nothing different with her, and there is no other explanation, nor is it a coincidence because it only happened exactly a week after taking the dose sent to us by our homeopath.</div>
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Then one day after giving the dose things were different. Sapphira had 5 dry nights, not the weeks that we'd gotten used to, but only 5 nights, and it was so devastating to us, not because she was wetting the bed so much more, but because of the itching. Because as I mentioned the bed wetting was the first sign I could really notice, but the itching followed shortly after and she would experience days and days (not quite the same length of time that she had dry nights, but still much more time than we had seen before) that she wouldn't be itching at all. </div>
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That short lived remedy resulted in her having a flare-up that was normal, but the time period of not itching was so short that she literally dug a hole in her ankle that I couldn't get her any relief from. I had to actually resort for the first time in years to using a low dose over the counter steroid creme to get it to heal well enough that I could leave it uncovered for any period of time. She couldn't wear shoes comfortably, couldn't wear her dance shoes at all, and couldn't leave it alone.... but two things had changed.</div>
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Sapphira started getting rashes, for the first time EVER since she was only 2 months old when all of this started she had a rash before she started itching... I could see these rashes on her skin as the flare ups started each time. This was incredibly exciting, because knowing what I know about the skin her body was actually purging something! And purging meant there might be an end to this someday, because she was getting it out, and perhaps, and hopefully, she wasn't consistently getting more of whatever it is in her body and eventually we'd get all of it out.</div>
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The other thing I noticed with these rashes is that Sapphira NEVER ever complained that it hurt when she made herself bleed. She would ask for a bandage, or tell me about it bleeding, but she never cried about it, never seemed to care that she was 'hurt'. And as these rashes came up, and the flare-ups happened she started to FEEL it. I mean she felt itchy before, but it was relief to itch, now she was actually feeling what she was doing, she was beginning to know she was hurting herself when she dug holes in her skin. I know this isn't an age thing, or an issue with nerve endings because if she was hurt in any other way she FELT it... just not when she itched herself bloody.</div>
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So when Sapphira had that short lived remedy and she made such a mark on her ankle and couldn't wear shoes or socks or her dance shoes without hurting I felt this was actually a turning point and told our homeopath about it, she agreed and sent us another stronger dose of the remedy... unfortunately she didn't have said dose in stock and the pharmacy she orders from experienced a back up in shipping and it took a long time to get it again... BUT we got it, I gave her the first one, and I watched as she flared up, though this time seemed to be less dramatic in the itching or bed wetting, and more in her brain fog. In fact I found myself literally pulling my hair out because her morning chores which normally take 30 minutes (and this is a ridiculous amount of time for what she needs to accomplish) were now taking an hour and a half... the rule of our house is that you don't eat breakfast until your chores are done (brush teeth, make bed, get dressed, feed the dog, and brush your hair in Sapphira's case), and often by the time she finished her chores it was snack time, and long past breakfast time. I was beside myself frustrated at her inability to focus on the task in front of her. But I didn't see a connection just yet to the time her remedy was given and how she was acting.</div>
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Our next dose came after the bed wetting began again, and again Sapphira was a space cadet and finally while texting our homeopath about her I realized the correlation between when a remedy was given and how frustratingly long it took her to move in the mornings. And then I saw the improvement. First the itching slowed, though not by much, then the bed wetting stopped, then the brain fog lifted, and then the itching would almost completely stop. A pattern! I like patterns.</div>
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And the opposite was almost always true for when a new dose needed to be given... first the itching started back up, then the bed wetting, and then the brain fog (although not as bad as when she was 'flaring up'). BUT this last time the bed wetting didn't happen. She didn't start wetting the bed. She was itching, but no bed wetting. The brain fog was getting stronger but no bed wetting.. PRAISE THE LORD! I gave her a new dose one week ago, and she still has not wet the bed, this totals about 5 weeks and only one bed wetting accident... the longest that she's ever gone! to say I'm proud of her is an understatement, she has been trying so hard at this for years... and it just seemed hopeless, but it isn't.</div>
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Her skin is still dry and scaly from the spot where she itched so badly I had to use a creme to heal it enough to move forward, and there is a small scab still working to heal, but to see her actually healing and not just having a 'tiny' break from it to heal partially has been GREAT.</div>
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I suspect we still have a long way to go, especially since I still see huge flares in her brain fog and time it takes to do chores in the morning, but I'm so happy to have been on this journey, and I can't say enough good things about it.</div>
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To answer some questions about the hockey pokey homeopath thing...I'm a skeptic. still. I don't understand how you can take a substance, douse it in water, shake it to oblivion and make it completely untraceable (not to mention the smaller the amount the stronger the reaction???WHAT?) and then put a dissolvable tab on your tongue and experience what my daughter and I have experienced, but I am also a believer because we did experience it.</div>
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I've read about placebo effect, I did a bunch of research before letting this lady put anything in my child... but then after the research I asked only that she not tell Sapphira what we were doing until after we saw results, if we saw them. Because as one study showed, cows were healed with homeopathy, and cows can't experience placebo effect.. they don't know what it is.... so if Sapphira didn't know, then I could expect there wouldn't be a placebo either.... and it worked. After I saw the first difference in my daughter we went ahead and told her... </div>
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And call it what you will, my daughter is not only less itchy, but she also doesn't wet the bed anymore... and I'm a satisfied mama. </div>
Samantha Mehaffeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10746171564325753192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-98706711602875458.post-64613048232826561872017-12-21T12:47:00.002-08:002017-12-21T12:47:44.306-08:00Children are a blessing from the LordAfter I completed the writing of "Of Virtue and Grace" I felt that the weight of a burden I'd carried for 11 years had finally been lifted. I, a flawed and sensitive woman, who tries and often fails, had been asked to write a book that would help women to draw near to God, and build them up to know the love that he has for them... and I finished it. <br />
I'll admit there are probably grammatical problems and will need revision eventually as these errors are made known to me, but I finished the task that God had given me... and I was weightless for a small time. And then it hit me, why would God stop at just one request of my humble life? He probably wouldn't. What I mean to say is that the more time that passed after finishing the book the more I felt lead to study and research things that were not in the book, that perhaps would be helpful to families, maybe women, but perhaps men as well. <br />
This led me to the feeling that I needed to start writing more, not just on occasion, but often, and about many topics, as I felt God led me to do so.<br />
The first was about Children, and so this blog entry is the result of that study, and also my personal life experiences that go along with it. I originally had a plan to have 4 children. Not as many as my 'crazy' parents who had 6, and not so few that I didn't give them playmates to grow up with. I determined the plan was to have my first baby and if it was a girl I would have another, if a boy have another, if twins then no more, because the plan wouldn't necessarily work... the second baby if the same gender as the first would be my last baby, if the opposite gender I would go on to have a third. After having either two boys or two girls, and possibly one other child which would be the opposite gender of the two, then I would adopt another child of the gender I had less of. Thus making my family a perfect 6 person family with two boys and two girls, a mom and a dad.<br />
Life is funny... I married Patrick and we agreed to only have 3 children. But then after our 2nd child was born we had a miscarriage/ectopic pregnancy, and then a healthy third child, and then a surprise pregnancy that also ended in miscarriage and my husband somehow underwent a change of heart and decided to let God determine our family size and actually 'tried' to enlarge our family, resulting in our 4th healthy term baby. <br />
During my fourth pregnancy (for our third living child) I started reading 'above Rubies', if you are not familiar with it, let me tell you a little about it. The editor and author of the magazine believes that children (as the bible says) are a heritage from the Lord, and many believe that means she and her 'followers' believe that woman should intentionally bring as many babies into the world as they possibly can, trying to get pregnant and have more and more children. <br />
I can say that as many articles as I have read I've never seen them outright say this, and though it could be true I just have not seen the evidence. However the stories did fascinate me, and led me to the decision that though I would honor my husband in our decision of having only 3 children I would no longer let my heart get tied up in being 'in control' of my fertility and just take things as they come, and let my husband and God figure out the details. Thus letting the worry and stress of watching my fertility signs come and go and monitoring every detail of them, just release. I would actually still be doing this, because as I mentioned I wanted to honor my husband and let him and God decide, I just simply made the decision that it wasn't mine to worry about, I would simply give the information I gathered about my cycle to my husband and let whatever happened happen.<br />
And then Saera (miscarried at 6 weeks) and Esmarie (birthed at home) happened. And I believe that God changed the heart of my husband toward his children. And then we both decided together that I no longer needed to monitor my fertility at all... and so I stopped, and that is how I became pregnant again. <br />
This led me to read more about quiver-full families, a name given to families who likewise choose to have many babies to honor the Lord, the name is in reference to what King David says in Psalm 127:3-5 "Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court." <br />
These people I originally believed had a mind set that led them to just trust God in his plan for the number of children they would have, however some believe and perhaps it is true, I really don't know, that they actually try to have as many children as possible regardless of anything that might cause them not to continue having children... be that finances, health, space.... whatever the case may be. My point here is not to speculate on that, but that discovering that some believed that, made me more and more curious about what God himself has to say about children.<br />
The more I read about children the more it became clear to me that children are a blessing, a gift from God, but he doesn't give them only to the righteous, and not everyone appreciates the ones they have been given. And the other prevailing thought I had was that neither God in the old testament or Jesus in the new testament suggests a number of children we should strive for, or even that we should in deed strive for them... although there are plenty of stories of barren women who longed and prayed, even claimed they would die if they were not given children, and it was considered a sin for a man to withhold children from his brother's widow. (to read the whole story about Onan and Tamar, check out Gen 38). <br />
While I cannot back up my specific point of view with biblical verses I think my personal study shows a few things about my heart and the heart of God toward children.<br />
Jesus claims that you have to be 'child like' to enter the kingdom of heaven, and that the children should be allowed to come to him when the disciples tried to boot them out of his personal space in Matthew 19. Jesus showed great love and compassion for children, and God called them blessings and knew them intimately while knitting them together in the womb of their mother... so my idea here is that God LOVES children... and since he calls them a blessing to the father (although he clearly asks that they honor and obey their mother and father and says that a child who does not heed their mother or father is a fool and a shame to their parents), I have to believe it is not of him to keep yourself from having babies....<br />
I'll pause here to say that this is the conclusion I have drawn for myself, and has nothing to do with where God has called YOU to be... if you feel your health or other factors would make it unwise to have another baby, then by all means you pray and have some personal reflection time with your bible and God himself and figure it out for your family and yourself, I am NOT making decisions for your family.<br />
Now that I've decided that birth control for my family is not right, I also need to look at the opposite of that... and that would be to TRY to have more babies...<br />
God is the maker and giver of life so no matter how hard I try I will not conceive if God has not decided that I should, and so I feel that this falls into the line of worry, which God clearly tells me not to do. <br />
<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #001320; font-family: Arimo, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #001320; font-family: Arimo, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #001320; font-family: Arimo, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">So if I want a child, or if I want for anything I should pray and give God thanksgiving and leave it with him and trust that he will provide... </span></span></span><br />
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<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #001320; font-family: Arimo, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #fdfeff;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">My analysis of all of this is simple... God gives children, God creates children, God thinks they are wonderful and a blessing, he knows them intimately before they take even their first breath, and he waits anxiously for them to in return get to know him as they grow older and learn hopefully from their parents, but perhaps from other people about him, and how to be good children, honorable, respectful and a delight.... BUT there is nothing I can do or not do to stop him from putting children in my life, or force his hand in giving me children....</span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #001320; font-family: Arimo, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #001320; font-family: Arimo, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; font-size: 15px;">Which means, why even worry about it? I've stopped worrying about it. I've stopped caring about it.... I've started to live in the freedom of complete trust in the God who created me. If I have more babies I have more blessings, and if I have no more babies, then my blessings continue through the ones he has already given me. I will not use chemicals or plastics to prevent my family from the blessings that God chooses to give us (which, begs the question would they really work if God felt I needed another child, he has ways of making that happen even if I tried to prevent them), but I will also not strive to receive more than what God has allotted as my portion. This is incredibly freeing for me.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #001320; font-family: Arimo, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #001320; font-family: Arimo, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; font-size: 15px;">It does not apply to me to say 'what if God gave you no children, what then?' but because it does for some, I will say only that Sarah was promised children and had none until her old age, though she wanted them. Hannah pleaded with God to receive a child and he answered her prayers. Rebekah and Rachel both struggled with infertility, and several other women in history have prayed to God to give them a child and he has granted their requests... women that I know today who pray for children are being given them, whether biologically or through adoption, and sometimes both, these women are heard by God... so I'm not asking anyone to 'give up' their cry to God for children, but if giving up the stress and worry of the how and when would help you, then perhaps you can do that, and just turn loose your fears, and worries to the Lord who provides abundantly for us all.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #001320; font-family: Arimo, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; font-size: 15px;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: #001320; font-family: Arimo, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; font-size: 15px;">As for my family, we choose to just stop trying to control the outcome, and just trust God, in this and so many other areas of our lives... and so far, we are blessed indeed, </span></span><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: Arimo, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">four sweet babies to fill my arms, one growing in my womb and two waiting in heaven for me to greet them one day on my arrival to that forever home with Jesus. 7 children, all incredible blessings from the Lord, and should more come along in the future, I'll raise them the best I can, and lean on the Lord for strength and comfort, because raising children is hard work... and worth every moment!</span></div>
Samantha Mehaffeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10746171564325753192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-98706711602875458.post-36105155910240901542017-12-20T14:21:00.003-08:002017-12-20T14:21:24.760-08:00A piece of my new writing project.The following is a test of your enjoyment reading system..<br />
<br />
I'm beginning to write again, and if you've read my first book "Of Virtue and Grace" you know that I have a bit of passion for it, and for Jesus. However this is a completely different kind of writing, this one is fictional... I'm going to give you a portion of the first chapter here, and please keep in mind this is RAW UNEDITED and not complete or publication ready in any form, but I'd like some feedback. Read it and just leave me a comment below to tell me if it is something you would want to read the rest of... or if you have questions about a character, or suggestions for me I'd love to hear them.<br />
<br />
Chapter 1.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruth and Howard Ingham, the most dedicated pair of lovers
that had ever graced God’s great planet earth, had lived so long with one
another that they really couldn’t be separated.
Not a day went by that the two were not intimately involved in each
other’s business. It wasn’t always
pretty, and they didn’t always agree, even on the important things, but they
always worked together for the good of their marriage. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The lessons that Ruth and Howard learned early in their
marriage left such a valuable impression on their hearts that it bound them
together in such a way as that no one could separate them. Ruth had never been able to have children,
she claimed that “God opened and closes the womb” and just simply trusted that
the Lord would provide, should he ever feel the need, and at eighty years old
the desire for her own flesh and blood children had long passed her. Howard and Ruth had always wanted children,
but their faith in the goodness of the Lord held them together, even when their
greatest desires for children had wrestled with their hearts and tugged at
their arms, the arms that held only each other.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Years of wondering if they’d ever have children had pulled
them apart, but also brought them together in new, much deeper and more
meaningful ways. Ruth clung to the
promises of the Lord in Isaiah 54, speaking his word over her life, praying
that the tent strings of her heart could be enlarged and that she could reach
out to all the motherless, and fatherless in her community. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Howard had worked hard throughout their marriage to provide
for Ruth, and to allow her to support the women that were able to give birth to
their own offspring. She found all sorts
of women and children to help and to love on every week. Her schedule often included meal preparation
and house-keeping for homes that were not even their own, but she never let
that get in the way of taking care of the home he provided. Howard and Ruth were always suited well for
one another.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Today however was different.
Instead of caring for women and children from the church or
neighborhood, Ruth was taking care of Howard.
Howard had suffered a heart attack, just a minor one according to the
doctor’s office, but serious enough that at age 83 there were questions about
whether he’d be able to stay home or whether a nursing home might be a better
place for the man she loved so dearly.
Ruth wouldn’t hear of Howard being in a home, she had energy and
dedication enough for both of them, so instead she hired a nursing student to
come once a day to check in on them and help them accomplish the things that in
their age might be difficult to continue now that Howard was restricted in diet
and exercise due to his health. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruth explained to the temp agency that she didn’t need
someone with a lot of experience and that a first-year student would be fine,
all she really needed was someone to come and help her with the heavy lifting
once in a while, particularly when Howard was feeling under the weather and
wasn’t getting to and from places in the house as well as he once did.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The temp agency sent Annalise, an 18-year-old college
freshman. Annalise stood rather tall,
Ruth guessed she was nearly six-foot, and though her hair was always pulled
back in a ponytail and her uniform always clean and pressed, Annalise had a
fire in her eyes that Ruth just hadn’t placed yet. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was Ruth’s
favorite pastime to watch people and see if they’d let go of a secret or two
and let her into their world, and if they did she found a way right into their
hearts and dwelled there in a special place that only she would ever fit into.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Today, and Annalise were going to be no different. Ruth was determined to find that sweet hiding
place inside of Annalise, so as the college freshman drove her car up the
driveway, Ruth poured the hot water she’d prepared into a teapot and placed it on
a tray, and added some of her favorite tea flavors and cookies along-side the
pretty little teacups she thought Annalise might like best. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Annalise closed her car door and began the walk up the path
toward the Ingham’s beautiful two story yellow gabled home and admired the
flowers that had been carefully planted and weeded by Ruth herself, while
inside Ruth set the tea tray on the little table near the chair she would soon
welcome Annalise to sit in, and quickly moved a lap blanket to the back of the
chair where she usually kept it on chilly early fall mornings like this one. When Annalise climbed the three stairs
leading to the front porch she paused only a moment to enjoy the aroma of
flowers in hanging baskets and along the windows before proceeding toward the
carved wood front door, but just as her hand reached the space where her knock
would have planted itself to announce her arrival, Ruth opened the door,
leaving Annalise to knock on the air where the door had been.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Annalise!” Ruth
cheerfully called. “I’ve been waiting
for you, Howard has too, but he’s taking a nap just right now, so I wondered if
you’d like to have some tea with me?” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Mrs. Ingham you are so sweet and thoughtful! I’d love to have some tea with you!” Annalise had never been fond of tea as a
child, but just now that didn’t seem to matter, because Ruth was standing
eagerly there, framed by the white painted doorway with an eager smile written
in permanent marks across her face. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Child, don’t call me Mrs. Ingham, I’d love if we could
become friends and you would call me Ruth!”
Annalise had heard Mrs. Ingham say this same thing at least two times
prior, but still couldn’t bring herself to be so informal with her first
clients. Especially Ruth, because Ruth
was the most distinguished and amazing woman she’d ever had the chance to get
to know, even if their knowledge of each other was wholly due to Ruth’s
husband’s illness.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It seemed to Annalise that Ruth was everything that she
herself was not. Where Ruth was
established in years, Annalise was young and naïve. Ruth had space for guests in her home, and Annalise
had a tiny dorm room she shared with another girl. Ruth was tidy and organized, Annalise
struggled to clean up after herself.
Where Ruth was welcoming and gracious to everyone, Annalise struggled to
feel as if she belonged anywhere well enough to be welcoming to anyone.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Come in, sweet child, let’s have some of that tea, I’ve
heated the water and set out a tray already.
Just this way.” Ruth gently
guided her guest into the living room and offered her a high-backed wing chair
near the window where she could have enjoyed the view out the window, or the
warm fire on the hearth. Ruth’s gaze
fell on Annalise in such a way as if she were saying ‘make yourself
comfortable, stay as long as you like.’<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Oh Mrs. Ruth, I probably should get straight to work, what
can I help you with while we wait for Mr. Ingham to wake up?” Annalise pushed only slightly back at the
offered chair, she didn’t want to seem as if she were taking advantage of the
job and kindness of Mrs. Ingham and her husband.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Well nothing to be done while that man rests, and we know
he needs the rest, so you just sit here and do the best favor you could for me…
just tell me about yourself.” Ruth
smiled and began to pour the steamy water into cups on the tea tray. “Let’s start with what kind of tea you
drink. A lot can be said about a person
based on the kind of tea they drink. Are
you a caffeinated tea drinker, a fruity tea drinker, or an herbal tea drinker?”
Ruth’s eyes lit up at each suggestion of the kinds of tea that Annalise might choose. It was a fun little game she liked to play
with new guests.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Hmm, well I don’t really know, I didn’t like tea very much
as a child and I have not had many since then either.” Annalise thought it out. “I don’t think I need to be drinking
caffeine, it makes me jittery. What do
you recommend?” Annalise smiled and sank
a little deeper in the offered chair, she hadn’t realized just how soft it was
before, but it welcomed her to relax in the same ways that Mrs. Ruth did,
gently, slowly, and with a power that she didn’t even care to resist.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“If you didn’t like it as a child then you’ll probably need
some time to get used to it before you really enjoy it, I’ll start you off with
something fruity, that should be alright for you this time… what do you think
of peaches?” Ruth slowly pulled a tea
bag from her arrangement, it was labeled “peaches and crème”. Annalise smiled and nodded her agreement to
the flavor selection mentally telling herself that even if she didn’t like it
she would endure it for the sake of such a sweet hostess.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When Ruth handed the cup over to Annalise she began to pick
through the tea bags for her own tea cup.
Annalise quickly took the first sip of her tea, hoping that Ruth would
be occupied enough to miss her reaction should she not care for the
flavor. Yet she was gently surprised
with the aroma and the flavor of the tea, a gentle wash of warm water flavored
slightly of peaches and milk washed down her throat and warmed her
stomach. She actually really enjoyed the
sensation and the flavor alike. “Mrs. Ruth!
This is wonderful! I had no idea
tea could be so delicious!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Everything on God’s green earth can be that way,
surprisingly lovely and easy to accept… but only some things are worth it. Tea is worth it.” Ruth chirped with a hint of
passion in her voice.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A noise from the other side of the room disturbed their
reflection and called their attention.
Annalise immediately set her cut down and rushed to the aide of Howard
Ingham, who had apparently woken from his afternoon nap and made his way to the
living room. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Mr. Ingham, you should have called for us, we would have
helped you out of your bed.” Annalise
gently scolded.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I had a minor heart attack, I didn’t break a hip,
child.” Howard smiled and pinched
Annalise’s cheek gently as if she really were a child, and she smiled sweetly back
at him slightly embarrassed. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I know, but this is what I’m here for! Not to drink tea, unfortunately, but to help
you.” Annalise cleared Mr. Ingham’s
magazine from his chair and pulled up his foot rest. “would you like a lap blanket, sir?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“No, if anyone needs one of those it’ll be my wife, she’s
the one whose always cold.” Mr. Ingham
reached out a freckled hand toward his wife and partner in crime, and she
readily gripped it with a smile and a look of satisfaction on her face.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“He’s right, I’m always cold. Poor circulation they say, I say I’m just
plain cold, always have been.” Ruth’s
eyes never left Howard, even though it was clear she was talking to Annalise,
who had been situating her chair closer to Mr. Ingham’s side so she could check
his vitals.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The house fell silent as Annalise pumped air into the blood
pressure cuff she had attached to Mr. Ingham’s arm. She listened closely and watched the seconds
slip by on her wristwatch. When she was
finished she looked happily, nearly dreamily at Mr. Ingham. “You’re blood pressure seems to be within
normal today. Have you been listening to
Dr.’s advice in your diet?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A gentle chuckle landed in Annalise’s ears. “I have a grand appetite, so does my dear wife,
and nothing beats the salads this woman makes!
However, I just don’t think I can live off from so little every day… I’m
desperate, I need more sustenance, tell that Dr. I need more meat! Howard
chuckled and leaned toward Annalise secretively “And CAKE!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Annalise smiled and sat back in her chair, “well it sounds
like your wife has been taking good care of you Mr. Ingham! You should be so lucky, you probably don’t
deserve her!” Winking at Howard, Annalise packed her blood pressure cuff away
and stood. “Mrs. Ingham, would you like
me to take the bedsheets to the wash and replace them?” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Ruth, dear, call me Ruth, I insist!” Ruth smiled back at her, “and yes honey, that
would be wonderful. I’ll just come along
and see if there is anything this old lady can do to help.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Alright, I suppose I can call you Ruth, it just feels so
informal.” Annalise looked around for
inspiration but found none and barreled through with the rest of her thought,
“you are so refined and gentile, I don’t want to be disrespectful by being too
familiar.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ruth only laughed, a light chuckle that reminded Annalise of
tinkling bells, but then the laugh grew and soon she was walking toward the
bedroom, hand to her stomach laughing.
“Oh honey, I’m not gentile or refined dear, I’m just old, and you are
not disrespectful if you are doing what I asked of you.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While the women fussed with the bedsheets Howard opened his
newspaper and began to read, he didn’t even realize he fell asleep until
Annalise and Ruth had returned to the room giggling like school girls. It always amazed him that his wife could make
friends with strangers so quickly. He
always struggled with acquaintances, but had made a few lasting and deep
connections throughout his life and was happy with them, Ruth however was not
at all like that. People opened up to her almost immediately. Maybe it was her beautifully caring heart,
maybe it was her smile, maybe it was the fact that it was never an act with
her, she was genuine all the way through.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Annalise, I have something for you, but I’d like to send it
in the mail, is that ok? Could you write
down your mailing address for me so I can send it?” Ruth was asking the home-help aide the same
question she would ask every new friend, and Howard smiled knowing that he
hadn’t messed up her life enough to change this tradition for her. Annalise jotted down her address on the
provided paper and gathered her things.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I’ve enjoyed this visit, I’m certain I have no idea what
you are going to send me, but I’m not scared in the least.” Annalise smiled as
she turned the doorknob to leave.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Oh, I certainly hope you wouldn’t be frightened!” Ruth was gravely serious about this tradition
and wouldn’t want anyone to be frightened of her monthly invitations. “and I
hope it arrives in the mail quickly for you.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Annalise stepped out into the sunshine filled front porch and
breathed in the smell of Ruth’s flowers, smiled once more at Mrs. Ingham and
turned to leave. Ruth gently guided the
door closed and turned to Howard who was watching her from across the room in
in his reclining chair.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“How many does that make it now, Ruth?” He questioned her about this with every new
guest she invited over.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If Ruth were young enough she would have danced a little
victory dance right there, but she didn’t, instead she raised her arms in
triumphant fists to heaven and closed her teary eyes “Thank you Jesus, Thank
you for bringing us Annalise, and thank you for putting her in our path so that
we might share your wonderful love with her!”
She lowered her fists partially, opened her eyes and looked straight at
Howard “If she comes, then that will be twelve!”<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
For the last 2 years Ruth had been having morning tea on
Saturdays once a month with women she met around town, in church, the grocery
store, or any other place, each woman received a hand-written invitation every
month to join the rest of them for tea in the garden behind the house. <o:p></o:p></div>
Samantha Mehaffeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10746171564325753192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-98706711602875458.post-59225545787258013352017-08-24T20:46:00.003-07:002017-08-24T20:46:35.465-07:00I'm BACK!!!<br />
<br />
This time, I promise I'm not going to whine about anything... I mean it is just not fair if you have to listen to all the bad parts and never get a glimpse of all the great parts!<br />
<br />
Here it is, the topic you are just dying to hear ANOTHER person post about! The ECLIPSE! <br />
Yeah I know you are thinking "we've heard ALL the stories lady, why submit us to that same thing all over again/plus you didn't even see a total eclipse, you live in the wrong area."<br />
<br />
BUT you have not seen how incredibly adorable my kids and my best friend's kids are, and I've got pictures for you!<br />
<br />
So here's the story, I thought briefly about taking the lovely kiddos down to the Gardens downtown to check out the solar power of the sun and moon pooled together, and then I remembered I have FOUR of them, and watching the sun in a strange and highly crouded place just didn't sound like a lot of fun to me, so I opted to build solar viewers from home... of course this meant no one would look at the ACTUAL sun.. but what would the kids care right?<br />
I don't know, my kids were COUNTING DOWN the days till the Moon covered the sun, and repeating EVERYTHING they heard on the radio about the upcoming event, even though I heard it at the same time they did, "MOM DID YOU HEAR......" "yes, yes I did, I'm sitting right here."<br />
<br />
So solar eclipse day was upon us, we started it out by cutting up a pizza box, some tin foil and poking holes with our super duper home school single hole punch in said tin foil and taping it to the pizza box projectors... I'm a rock star with spur of the moment projects... maybe, sometimes.<br />
<br />
Then we continued to proceed with our school day as normal... checking occassionally through the window to see if we were in fact missing anything with the sun. We didn't. <br />
<br />
After most of the school work was complete I asked Patrick to go out and move our patio table which no longer resides on our patio, but in a forest of table high grass, to an area where the children could actually eat off from the surface of it, then made lunch, sandwiches, chex mix and carrots with chocolate chip cookies for desert, and Kool-aide for drinks, and Patrick even set up the gazebo to keep us all cool in the heat of our Oklahoma day.<br />
<br />
As we ate our meals and drank kool-aide we often checked the progress of the sun in our pizza box projectors, and the kids played in the kiddie pool, the day got cooler and cooler and less of the kids were even interested in the pool, but they were incredibly interested by what they could and were doing with their shadows. lacing their fingers together to see the shadow of the moon over the sun, playing with the projectors, and Patrick even poked a bunch of holes in a piece of scrap paper which ended up looking like hundreds of tiny moon shaped suns dancing on the patio. <br />
<br />
At some point I realized that while it hurt my eyes to try to photograph the impossible to photograph sun, it didn't hurt as bad to look at the sun through my camera lens as it would if I looked straight at it... so I got the brillant idea (don't remember who suggested it, Neva? Maybe Patrick) to use a pair of sunglasses over the lens, this didn't help a lot, but it did help, so then we layered two pairs of glasses over the lens, then I could actually see it with my eye, I still couldn't get the picture though.<br />
<br />
Then Patrick found two more pairs of sunglasses and we layered all four together, between the three of us adults trying this just to look at the sun we did get one or two images that actually showed the shape of the sun behind the moon, which was awesome, but the picture is anything but high quality, and I can't say I took it, Neva or Patrick took it when they had their turn to look.<br />
<br />
After playing with the lens of my camera this way we eventually decided to put all four pairs of sun glasses on at once and look directly at the sun... and guess what!?! It actually worked. Sure it was funny looking, but it worked! All the kids got to try it, and we captured some fun photos of the time we spent together.<br />
<br />
Patrick, and I don't have lots of fun moment as a family right now, so it was extra special to me, the lack of stress going on was wonderful and uplifting, and the intimacy of having fun together is rare but liberating. Neva and her children got to share in all of this with us, and it was just a really good time, all the kids got to see the eclipse, and we all enjoyed the day! <br />
<br />
Here are some pictures we were able to capture. I hope you enjoy them as much as we did.<br />
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Samantha Mehaffeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10746171564325753192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-98706711602875458.post-65894795498707008792017-08-04T06:41:00.002-07:002017-08-04T06:41:38.181-07:006 months of nothing and everythingI've not been really vocal about anything lately, I'm sitting in disbelief that this is what my life looks like at 33 years old.<br />
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In Feb. of 2016 Patrick and I were expecting another baby and bought what was meant to be our forever home... you know I feel a bit like a kid in fostercare, or a puppy at the pound when I refer to my house as a forever home, but the truth is, I just want to settle in somewhere. <br />
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I'll be honest I didn't even hang all my pictures, always waiting for something, at first I was waiting to find the perfect entertainment center to put in the living room, Patrick was going to make it for me, and it was going to be awesome... but then a year after moving in, when we were in the middle of figuring out how to raise chickens and I was busting it trying to budget for a fence for the goats we would be bringing home in a month or less, BAM my world was shaken up.<br />
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Patrick walked in the house with this look on his face, I knew before he said it. I've seen that look before, I've seen it a lot of times actually. He'd lost his job. This one lasted 2 years, but THANKS to the avionics world it was gone now. The plan had been that if this happened again Patrick would find work locally and we'd stay here... but as soon as he was laid off the talk began... are we moving? Well we sure as hell were not getting goats.<br />
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Now it's been 6 months. We are preparing to celebrate our youngest child's 1st birthday... the unemployment ran out, and being a doula full time is like a distant dream, I don't know what happened there, but I felt God calling me to use my talents elsewhere, I'm still doulaing for those that hire me, but I'll be honest I have one client, and she may not be able to pay... (if you are reading this friend you know my heart and it is TOTALLY ok! We'll work it out, and I'm here for you!).<br />
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Patrick had a phone interview with this really incredible looking company, I was excited, but guess what? That didn't happen! <br />
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So what now? I don't know. I've been walking around trusting God has been leading my steps, but the stress of the not knowing is really getting to me. I can't handle it much longer.<br />
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Our options are vast, but honestly I don't like any of them. Here in Oklahoma he could find work, but it wouldn't pay nearly what he was being paid. OR we could move and he could do the work he's been doing that he hates, and we could be literally anywhere in the country. OR He could get an entirely different job using this company that totally fixed his resume and got him the phone interview with the company that just refused him (for lack of experience) but again that would most likely mean that we have to move AGAIN... and we've told them we'd only like to either work here in Oklahoma (no job with them available currently) or near Battle Creek Michigan (near my family) and they have one other option in that area, so we will see what happens from here.<br />
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Oh and guess what? He put in for a job in Ardmore, OK, so that means that if he were to get it he would be traveling every week to work and seeing us on the weekends. Yup, that's the life I'm living right now, I am either faced with seeing my husband every day, all the time (which would be wonderful if he were present when he is here, but because he's been upset about his job track record we actually don't spend much time being a family unit), or I can see him only on the weekends. But the good/bad news is, that job is only a temp job anyway, so it won't last. YAY it won't last, MAN it won't last! <br />
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And I just want to say one more thing. If you are just checking out the many jobs available and not really seriously looking for work, then using a job placement agency seems like a great thing, but if you really truly need work, and everyone is hiring through these companies, there are things you need to know. 1. They will only put you in for one job at a time, and if you are desperate for work, they don't care, because it is their reputation that is damaged if more than one company wants to hire you and they put you in for more than one job, because ultimately they won't be able to place you with two or more companies. 2. They don't like it if you work with more than one agency and you risk making them mad (which means they make you either a last priority or not a priority at all) if you let them know you are working with another company to find work. 3. If you are living on unemployment and it is running out and you don't have a job yet because it takes one to two weeks to find out if you got one job, you probably are not going to get hired quickly, so don't hedge your bets and wait any longer than you have to, cause it is rough, and they don't care about you, they care about money. It may be their job to get you a job, but they don't have to do it quickly, they have to impress the companies they put you in to work for, and sorry, you are just another of the many people they are finding employment for.<br />
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I'm sorry for using this blog to rant about the life I live. I've been praying, praying so hard for all the things that are going on here, but in the end, I know it is all in God's timing. And HIS plan.... which ultimately looks nothing like mine, and will be good, but in the waiting, I'm hating it.<br />
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Please join me in prayer for my family, and the life we are facing right now. I'm losing my stuffing... I've lost my compass, I've lost my direction, I can't see my hand in front of my face, but I keep walking, and I'm trusting that God has this under control and is about to bless my socks off.<br />
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<br />Samantha Mehaffeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10746171564325753192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-98706711602875458.post-37005155338552131962017-01-20T08:01:00.001-08:002017-01-20T08:01:10.082-08:00Dealing with the Interruptions of Life.If you are familiar with this blog you will know that I'm the mother of four children. If you are familiar with me, you will know that I home school two of them, and the other two make it their life goal to keep me from doing anything... home school, cleaning, sleeping, relaxing, working, writing, you name it... and I probably can't do it, at least not often, or well.<br />
Lately it has been on my heart to write. I want to write, I need to write, I actually feel commanded by God in heaven to write. And call me crazy, but I don't think we have much time left in the world, so I need to get my bottom in gear and listen to that direction and be obedient to it.<br />
Yesterday after feeling convicted to begin again, a book that I've worked on for the past nine years I sent the kids outside and sat down to write, it was the perfect opportunity, The big kids were finished with their school work, the baby was sleeping, the toddler (who can barely be called a toddler anymore) was also content to play outside. The dog however wasn't so content. The dog wanted out, I let him out, the children put him back in, the dog wanted out, the dog demanded to be let out, loudly and with jumping (the dog is a tall lab mix, and acts like a Jack Russel terrier), there was no ignoring him. I let the dog out, the kids put the dog in, this cycle continued quite a few times,<br />
Then the children climbed trees. I am totally ok with tree climbing children, but I have two rules, 1. you have to get up by yourself, no help from anyone (this assures that they are capable of getting down without help the majority of the time). 2. You have to get down by yourself. (this lets them know that while mommy loves them deeply she doesn't want to help them get out of trees all the time, so please don't make mommy chase you around the yard getting you out of tress).<br />
Of course Caeden (8) helped Fia (6) to get very high in a tree, and then they sent Micah (3) to get me and 'take a picture'. I dutifully took a picture and returned to my writing, but then Micah came back to inform me that Fia couldn't get out of the tree. So they went to another tree after I helped her down, and supposedly this one she could navigate on her own.<br />
Back to writing, or rather reviewing what I wrote nearly a year ago to see what needed to be written now. Then my dad called. I answered because he's my dad, and because last Monday he nearly died, so talking to him when he calls is important, because you just never know. He spoke to me about a bunch of things, but among them, while I stared at a computer screen I had added exactly zero words to, was that our lives are short in the grand scheme of things and we need to be sure that we are about the father's business, and furthering the kingdom of God.....<br />
Yup, I sat there, distracted from the work of God by all the forces of the nature of my life, my children, my dog, the dishes and laundry that I had put off doing in order to 'be about the father's business' and the very conversation I was having with my dad, and I couldn't be about his business.<br />
I was a bit annoyed, and didn't know how to explain exactly that; I needed to be about the business God had laid on my heart for that perfect afternoon.<br />
I never did write a single word that day.<br />
Today, I woke up and had no intention of even trying to write, but something significant happened.<br />
A friend on Facebook posted an article about living under an unqualified president. I'm sure the article was worth reading but lets face it, I don't have time for that sort of negativity, or really the desire to read yet another disgruntled opinion about the president whose inauguration is today. It is what it is, the president of the last eight years wasn't all that qualified either.<br />
But that post made me think of something else I had heard. A man whose name I forget (blame mommy brain) and don't feel like looking up right now (blame the fact that it is 9:30 am and I'm in my pj's, have yet to eat breakfast and still have to educate my children for day), prophesied that Trump would become president of the United States. And he did. He also predicted who would win the triple crown, and that happened too. Which alone is actually just kind of a cool thing... but here is the kicker, he also said that after Trump won the election the 'Trumpet would sound'. God would return to fetch us up to heaven, those who believe.<br />
I don't know if it is true, I don't know if it isn't, I'm not even going to speculate on that... but what I do want to share with you, the three of you who will actually read these words, is that if it is true, I want to be ready, but I'm not. <br />
Lately I've been thinking about having another baby, yeah I'm announcing that to the world before I have even admitted it to my husband... but I have his name picked out and everything, and I just know our family isn't complete yet, because Ezekiel isn't a part of it....<br />
I think about Patrick and I growing old together. I think about getting old and dying, I think that is the dream... I want to be rewarded with the right to die at an old age... I'm not going to explain, you'll either understand or you won't. Here is one you'll surely understand, I want to see my children married, I want to see my grand children. I want to see my 3 year old come to a real understanding of Jesus, and possibly also learn to pick up his own toys. I want to see my cuddly baby learn to walk, and talk, and say things, and all the fun stuff that comes with her learning and growing. I want to do and experience so much, how can I be excited for God to come back and stop all of that, so that I can go to heaven and no longer be married and raising children in the sense that I currently am..<br />
The thoughts were swirling around in my head faster than I could pray about them, and I was very actively praying about them... and then my Micah came into my bedroom saying he was going to puke, and I went to care for him, and Caeden brought me my phone saying it was ringing, and life began to really happen..., no longer just the thought of it, but the actuality of it.<br />
Who called? My dad.. again. So I quickly settled Micah in bed and called Dad back. He said "I have a word for you" and in my heart I knew he did, and my pulse jumped, and I thought "Yes, God, I need a word, let it be true." Dad continued,<br />
"Fear is just Faith in the wrong direction"<br />
Dad continued to talk about other things, that would pertain to that message if it were about an actual worldly fear, but it wasn't, it was an other worldly lack of understanding, so what he was saying didn't apply but that first word shot straight to my heart. I don't question the existence of my Lord and Savior, but if I ever did, that moment proved it over again, he had spoken to my heart. I actually shed a few tears telling my dad about what I'd been thinking about, and praying about only moments before he had called. It was very timely.<br />
God's word is always on time! <br />
I have nothing to fear about when God does choose to come back, because he knows the desires of my heart, he knows I want to continue on in this world, and whether that happens or not, whether I die of old age, or get swooped up into the clouds today, God is always and forever will be on time.Samantha Mehaffeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10746171564325753192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-98706711602875458.post-25335411149778784292016-11-13T15:13:00.001-08:002016-11-13T15:13:04.172-08:00What does it mean to be pro-choice?I've been called out as someone who has had an abortion... let me be clear, I have not had an abortion, do not condone or support abortion, and will never support them, however I have been in a situation that very closely if you don't know the details resembles an abortion, and had things gone differently would have been an abortion. Let me explain.<br />
In December of 2011 I started to bleed as if on a normal period, it seemed very normal so I'm going to assume it was, however that would have meant that around Christmas I would have become pregnant, I didn't however know this when I began to bleed again for what I assumed was an early period, the information is more clear in another post of mine and you are free to look it up, but I'm going to be brief here on the details. The second 'bleeding' was extremely heavy, and I ended up having my husband take me to the ER. I couldn't imagine any reason why I would be bleeding so heavily. <br />
In the ER they gave me a blood test to determine if I were pregnant and to determine other things, the results came back positive for pregnancy. I was astounded, because not only did they just inform me of pregnancy, but also the loss of a baby, because at the time I was sure I was in that moment miscarrying. I was wrong about the miscarriage though, as it turned out I was pregnant another three weeks. During those three weeks I had multiple blood tests to check the level of the pregnancy hormone in my system. I also had multiple ultrasounds to determine why I was bleeding, but for three weeks no one could find my baby. I prayed it was just so tiny, or that I'd already lost it, but I also prayed that my baby was safe, that it would grow stronger, and I fretted over each and every blood draw, and prayed that my baby would defy all odds.<br />
January 26th I went to the ER for what seemed like the billionth time.. this time was different though. This time they found my baby. As is policy in the ER they wouldn't let me see the screen during the ultrasound, though I wanted so badly to get a glimpse of my baby, even if I was to lose that baby, I wanted to see it. But I didn't get that privilege. Instead the ultrasound tech finished up her work, and left the room. Patrick also left the room to call his mom who was watching our children.<br />
Someone came in with a medic kit and placed it on the bed and said I would be moving to another part of the hospital soon. I didn't understand anything that was happening and no one told me, until a nurse came in and nonchalantly told me that I was about to be taken to the OR for the removal of my ectopic pregnancy. I didn't at that moment even know if they had found my baby, and when she realized that she apologized profusely and left the room completely embarrassed for the way I had just found out my child was about to die. The child that I had mourned over, prayed for, and yearned to have a reason to hope for....<br />
Then they did move me, they took my hospital bed down a very long hall that lead to another building, the place babies are actually born. And they began to talk to me about what was going to happen. I'm a doula, I know I have choice... I know I can tell them I don't want certain things, I know I have rights to informed consent... but all that was shot to hell when I was told what was about to happen to me, and my child. I did at one point ask if I could refuse the surgery, and a confused and compassionate nurse informed me that doing so would endanger my life, and that I would potentially die, but yes I did have that right.<br />
How could I choose to honor my own life above that of my child though? How could I choose me over a baby? All the way down that incredibly long hallway I prayed, I cried, I asked God to please take my baby before I could be called a murderer... I am pro-life, how could I be here, in this situation? How could I argue for the life of children if I choose my life over that of my child? This was perhaps the biggest moment of my life, where my entire belief system came crashing around me asking, demanding answers to things that were previously far away, and irrelevant to me.<br />
In the end believing that I had no choice but either the death my child or of both myself and my child I did allow the surgery, but prayed so fervently that God would take my baby, that it could not be said that I had an abortion.<br />
The next day in the hospital I wept bitter horrible tears, I sought the help of every person available to me in the hospital to answer my questions, to ease the burden of my 'choice', or what I thought had been my choice, to choose life, mine over my babies... No one could ease the despair in my heart, no one could answer my questions... I was distraught and could not be pulled from the torment of what had happened to my child. <br />
Two days after surgery the Doctor who performed my surgery had heard about my despair and came to speak to me saying she was sorry she hadn't come earlier, but that she had hoped the doctor who had been caring for me the day before would have told me a few things about the surgery.. that doctor had told me that the surgery had gone well, that is all I knew. What I didn't know was that when I was laid on the operating table, before surgery began I hemorrhaged, I bled so badly that they knew if they didn't stop the bleeding they would have to give me a blood transfusion, and that my husband and I were wanting to avoid that as long as possible, in the blood was a tiny fluid filled sac, apparently not developed enough to have a heart inside, but a perfect, tiny sac... I had a miscarriage on the operating table before a knife had even touched me. Because the baby had been so little formed, and the nature of my bleeding they went ahead with the surgery anyway to be absolutely sure that everything was cleared and that I would have no further trouble. The Doctor informed me about my beautiful ovaries, the right one had previously housed my baby, she said that I would be able to have more children and said she was sorry for my loss but in no way did I have an abortion, the baby passed on its own by God's amazing grace.<br />
Now, did I choose my life over my child's and it just turned out good? You could look at it that way, but I urge you to look at some other details. First, had I not been a doula I wouldn't have known I had the right to refuse a procedure or the right to even ask about it. But second, no one had told me that there are actually alternatives to that treatment. I wasn't given any choices to be honest. I could die nobly on principle or I could live after a life saving operation, that is what I was told... but the truth is that more than 90% of ectopic pregnancies resolve themselves if carefully monitored. The truth is that if an ectopic pregnancy doesn't resolve itself there have been two cases of successfully moved embryo's, meaning that they took the baby out and put it where it should have been in the first place... not in a dish beside the mother they operated on, and to be fair I'm not sure if one of the two babies survived, but the other of the two absolutely did. And here is another wonderful thing... If a mother's tube were to rupture as they assumed mine would have, that doesn't mean death to the mother or the baby 100% of the time. There are plenty of documented cases of mothers having ectopic pregnancies outside of the womb and if discovered they can absolutely result in a healthy baby and mother... of course careful monitoring should be done in such cases, but this is not a death sentence to either the baby or the mother. Had ANYONE told me that before this all happened to me I NEVER EVER would have conceded to the type of surgery I had let them do... AT the WORST I would have said the only way I consented to the surgery was if they were to put the embryo (which by the way is a baby) in my uterus and let God decide what was to happen after that... but they would never have been able to take my child away from me.<br />
Given that this information is not standard care for women in my situation I feel inclined to inform those of you who are pro-choice that no choice is being given to the mother who wants their baby, but the baby has implanted someone deemed unsafe... she is not given a choice of whether to carry that pregnancy out to its own end or to end it early.. this game you all play where women need to have choices, it is a lie. A BOLD FACED LIE. I was given no choice, I was not even given informed consent.. I was told what the doctors and nurses were trained and it wasn't even close to the only option I had...<br />
For another thing, abortion is a willful act of ending a child's life, whether by the choice of a mother or a doctor, but in the case of life threatening situations where a mother could really die, and her child has no opportunity for life, these things would be taken care of, monitored, and carried out in a hospital. It should never be assumed that a woman with a life threatening health condition would walk into an urgent care center and not be sent immediately to the hospital, so it should also never be assumed that the clinics who perform abortions and offer other family planning items would perform an abortion to save the mother's life. Those clinics are not for life saving, they are for life ending. The END.<br />
<br />
For a look at some amazing stories related to ectopic pregnancy visit:<br />
https://www.asons.co.uk/resources/ectopic-pregnancy-not-always-a-death-sentence/Samantha Mehaffeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10746171564325753192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-98706711602875458.post-21585941960051763762016-08-30T07:59:00.002-07:002016-08-30T07:59:17.888-07:00The Birth of Esmarie JoyI don't even know how to start this post... I'll just be honest, there are so many places to begin with such a story as the dramatic entrance of a child into the arms of their family, but Esmarie, that is our newest little bundle of joy had to make her entrance something spectacular.<br />
<br />
Let me just preface this entire story with two facts, first you my reader along with everyone else in the world (save one amazing sonographer) had no idea that Esmarie was a girl, because we chose not to find out, and let me tell you, when you carry a baby inside you for nine months, hoping it is a girl but feeling strongly that it is a boy and then find out it was indeed a girl, it is quite a shocking ride, but we'll get to that in a bit. The other fact that I'll throw out there is that this was my longest pregnancy yet, Caeden was born 9 days before his 'due date', Sapphira was helped along and born 4 days before her 'due date', and Micah was born 1 day after his 'due date', This little lady was born a full 8 days after her 'due date' and I'll be honest I was so very done being pregnant in the weeks before she arrived.<br />
<br />
Esmarie's story begins Monday August 22nd.<br />
Helen (my mother in law) has been with us awaiting the arrival of her grandchild for 10 days already, things are going well but I'm getting impatient to have the baby, My mother is supposed to come for a visit on the 27th, but only if I've had the baby by then, and Helen wants to visit her brother sometime before heading back to California on the 30th. I'm feeling all these things and just want this child born already, the help of my mother in law after the birth is slowly slipping away the longer I remain pregnant. Another thing weighing on my mind is our home school schedule, I took 5 weeks off from school centered around the due date of this baby. I had thought to continue working even though the calendar said we didn't need to just to spare myself in case baby came late, but then changed my mind in favor of letting the kids spend the time with their grandma, they hadn't seen her since before Micah was born and I didn't want to steal that time from any of them.<br />
After a week of hanging out with grandma and no baby I began to freak out about how little time I would have remaining to get used to having a new baby, recover from the birth, and regain my house and order back before school began, so August 22nd I decided to start up school work again. We did one whole day worth of school work while I contracted every ten minutes or so, but there was no hope of labor, the contractions were just too light to even consider it.<br />
Caeden was having major concentration issues and finding it incredibly hard to do his work, Sapphira did pretty well, and Micah was entertained by grandma, when we at last finished I put the boys down for naps and folded some laundry and cleaned up a bit then took Sapphira to get a new pair of glasses, afterward I met Patrick at the chiropractors, got an adjustment, and followed Patrick to a Honda dealership to see if they could get his car in to be looked at, they couldn't do it that day so we scheduled a day they could and I picked up KFC for dinner and we all went home. On the ride home I began having regular, much stronger contractions. They were strong enough to think about, but not strong enough to call anyone over.<br />
Once home we ate and got ready to take the kids to Karate, Helen wasn't feeling well so she stayed home, but I went to see Patrick and the kids do their thing, and Micah loves to watch so I went to let him see and keep him out of the way. During the Karate class I was still having pretty regular and strong contractions, they were doing so well at progressing that I even felt confident enough to tell my best friend's husband that when he got home he should warn his wife she might get a call from me later that night.<br />
At home I read the kids their story and got them into bed, then took a shower, the shower slowed things down, but after laying down myself this precious little baby started moving with every contraction, and between the contractions and the movement things were getting pretty intense and I couldn't sleep. I decided to time things again and the contractions switched from being 5-8 minutes apart to being 3-5 minutes apart. I still wondered about the fact that they just were not super intense yet, but called the midwife anyway, I needed an opinion from someone that wasn't in labor.<br />
My midwife said that the change in timing sounded like a really good sign and that she would head over. At that moment I was not entirely sure that was what I wanted to happen, but things seemed to be progressing at a good pace so I had no doubt in my mind that eventually I was going to call everyone that night anyway, so I didn't argue, and decided that having them drive while already awake was better than driving after they'd fallen asleep and were groggy.<br />
When everyone arrived I experienced a bit of a slow down, which I knew in my doula brain was completely normal, but I needed to escape that anxious environment so I asked Patrick to walk with me outside. The moon was nearly full, and it was a nice cool evening. It was the first time in a long time that Patrick and I really connected, I leaned on him during contractions and he held my hand or supported my arm as we walked circles around the grassy place at the end our our road by the light of the moon. It was romantic... <br />
And then I started getting sleepy. I came inside and everything slowed down again... I decided maybe a little rest would help, so I laid down, and then conked out completely, all contractions left, nothing remained of labor. When the midwife woke me and I realized this I was heart broken, but it happens, and I know I'm not supposed to feel guilty about false labor, but I did feel guilty, and disappointed.<br />
They all went home, one of them suggested that Patrick and I maybe try being intimate and then they were all gone. After our romantic walk it wasn't hard to imagine being intimate, and I won't beat around the bush, we were (yup, that's part of the story people, they say what gets a baby in also helps to get them out).<br />
About an hour later I was having transition type contractions, shaking, and vomiting, and feeling incredibly out of my mind with the intensity of the contractions that had flared up again. Patrick and I debated, or rather he tried to get me to engage in a conversation of whether or not to call everyone back, but I couldn't participate in the talking so he had to make decisions himself, but I was in my head debating the same questions. Do we call everyone back and chance that it is again too early, or do we just wait and possibly have this baby without anyone here? Tough call.<br />
He called them back, they had only just arrived home, one had enough time to shower before returning, the others didn't. Everyone came back again.<br />
When the first midwife arrived I was laying on my side in our bed with the birth ball propped under one of my legs and moaning and shaking... she even thought I was getting close, and asked if I was feeling pushy.. and I wasn't entirely sure I wasn't feeling a little pushy. But I said no (I think I said no).<br />
By the time everyone else arrived everything had stopped AGAIN! They checked my cervix and discovered that nothing had changed, let me say that again, NOTHING HAD CHANGED, since the first time they went home, I was 5cm dilated and 80% effaced, so they went home again. I was given strict orders to stay in bed all day, do nothing to motivate labor, and rest. I was told I had an irritable uterus... the rest of me was pretty darn irritable too.<br />
Tuesday I rested, all day I rested, I read the kids their bedtime story that night and rested more. Wednesday there was no sign of labor, not one tiny sign. We obviously didn't do school on Tuesday, and Patrick wanted to have his car taken care of so Helen, the kids and I went out on Wednesday to take care of the car and we had a good day. I was still pretty frustrated with my body though. Thursday still no sign of labor and I decided we'd already lost half the week in school anyway so I skipped it again, that night I went grocery shopping, mostly because I needed to get the fact that I was still pregnant off my mind, not because we actually needed groceries, I would have preferred to have been in labor. Friday I had another midwife appointment.<br />
At my appointment everything checked out fine, and we made a plan for me to get an ultrasound done to check on baby Monday or Tuesday of the following week, the midwives gave me a tiny bottle with a few drops of Jasmine essential oil, and marked some pressure points on my ankles and the bottoms of my feet, and gave instructions that I shouldn't attempt to massage these spots or use the oil until I'd had a full night of sleep and a good breakfast. After my appointment I went to run a few errands, one of which was to pick out a birthday present for my best friend, whose birthday was the next day and my frustration from not having had a baby yet had kept me from being a good friend and being prepared ahead of time to give her a gift.<br />
Patrick had to work Saturday, I let him go, not that I had a choice, but I just felt hopeless about having a baby, so it didn't bother me that he wouldn't be spending the day with me, his mother or the children. I got up at 7am, and pulled open my bible. <br />
I've been reading in Psalm for awhile now, and when I started I remembered that I'd had Neva read Psalm starting at the 40th chapter when I was in labor for Micah. I recalled this and the thought that if I could make it to chapter 40 I might go into labor, but that seemed silly and superstitious so I dismissed the thought and continued reading as I had been. But then Saturday morning I'm looking at my bible and I stopped caring about superstition and looked at my current chapter, 30, and thought "I can do that, I'll read the next 11 chapters" So I did. <br />
I read chapter 40, ending in verse 17, and then wrote this in my journal.<br />
"Dear Lord,<br />
Psalm 40:17,<br />
"As for me, I am poor and needy, but the Lord takes thought for me. You are my help and my deliverer, do not delay, O, my God."<br />
You take thought for me, you are my deliverer, You will deliver this baby, you are thinking of me. I trust your word. I trust that I will go into labor now, I trust you to fulfill your promises to me. I trust in you to deliver this child. And I will even be so bold as to ask you to do it today.<br />
Come Lord Jesus and bring the life you created inside my womb, out of it, bring it out safely, quickly, and in your love and peaceful protection.<br />
I trust in you to deliver.<br />
Love, <br />
Samantha"<br />
<br />
As per the suggestion of my midwives I decided to go and have breakfast and then proceed to rub my own ankles... I went to make breakfast, I cracked an egg and began to cook it, but before it was even half way cooked I had two very strong contractions. After all the disappointment of Monday I wasn't quite ready to call everyone in, but I did call Patrick and then the photographer, then my best friend who was out celebrating her birthday with her family at Waffle House. Then I decided to call the midwife, I knew beyond a doubt that I needed her, but I was still hesitant to ask her to come.<br />
I shut myself in my bedroom, put on a skirt and slipped off my underwear, no one was going to need to cut them off this time. I used the toilet and drank some water, surprised at how thirsty I was with such strong contractions, I crawled across the bathroom floor moaning through the next contraction and feeling incredibly alone, I uttered "I don't want to do this alone!" and immediately I felt that God told my heart that I was NOT alone, and mid contraction, in my thoughts because I couldn't have done it out loud, I began to sing the song "I am not alone, I am not alone, you will go before me, you will never leave me...." and the muscles previously so tense began to release and relax into the intensity of the contraction. The next few contractions I spent this way, singing in my head and reminding myself that I wasn't alone. <br />
Someone had opened my bedroom door so I was crawling to close it when my mother in law saw me and came in to check on me. I had thought I would have her exclusively taking care of the other kids, but no one else was there, so I welcomed her presence. She rubbed my back as I was waiting for those of my birth team to arrive. Patrick came first, and recognized that I was transitioning already, he thought he might have to catch the baby, and to be honest I thought he would too. Neva arrived next, and she and Patrick took care of things, At some point my water broke, it was a giant splash and covered the floor and the pad I had demanded someone put under me, I had to tell them where to find the bigger plastic table cloth that could go under me to catch any more, once the cloth was laid out I managed to get myself on top of it, and through some more contractions. <br />
Not long after I started pushing, I knew there wasn't much time left, and still no midwife at my side. Later people asked me if I was nervous to deliver without the midwives, but I can honestly say no, I wasn't, I was working, achieving a goal, doing my job, there was no time to worry about whether a specific person was there to take the reigns, I knew if I could tell people what to do in the middle of such intense labor I could also give directions after pushing out my baby if need be, I was confident that everything was going fine. <br />
I began pushing with vigor, roaring like a lion, I'd been making noise all along, but now my tones were fierce, and they were progressing that baby down, I could feel her head surfacing a few times, she was coming (keep in mind I didn't know she was a she yet), still no midwife... out and in again, intense burning and relief over and over as I brought her closer to the outside. And then Yvonne, one of my midwifes, she arrived, on a gust of wind, she got to work, and quickly, I hated the pressure she applied to me surrounding the baby's head, but I knew without a doubt that it was a good thing, so I bore it. Finally I had delivered my baby's head, and it was a relief, but still so very intense, and I knew that something was very different from when I delivered Micah, though I was in the same position. Yvonne told me to lean back to open my pelvis more and to push hard, that baby's shoulders were stuck. I listened and did as she asked, the work was hard, so much harder than when I had pushed Micah's shoulders out, it was intense and it burned, but I was focused and I was in the zone. I pushed her shoulders out and quit trying any more, I just needed a break, it didn't occur to me that I did or didn't need to continue pushing for the rest of my child to be born, I just didn't have much left. They all told me I still had work to do, I listened, I brought a baby into the arms of my midwife, and she in turn passed my baby between my legs and up to me, I was shaky, and weak, I couldn't really lift my child, I did see very quickly that I had delivered a girl before the voice of my best friend informed the room that the baby we'd all thought would be a boy was actually a girl. Even the midwife during the pushing had said "he" several times.<br />
I cradled my baby's head and shoulders as that was all the energy I could give her at the time, and wondered about how many months I'd been thinking I'd carried a boy inside me, how I'd even mentally prepared for the eventual challenge of fitting another bed in the boy's room, but never once really tried to figure out how to fit a crib in Sapphira's room. I marveled at how attached I had gotten to the name Ezekiel Patrick, and how giving Esmarie the middle name of Joy had really been a last minute decision, one we were both happy with, but that had taken us so very long to come up with. All the thoughts flooded my head, we had a girl. I was immensely happy, but dumbfounded at the same time. We had a girl! Sapphira had a sister! This wasn't a boy. It came to me in slow increments, and I'm still three days later processing how incredibly wrong I had been. But wrong in a delightful way, Esmarie is a perfect addition to our family, God knew exactly what he was doing when he gave us this little girl.<br />
Throughout my pregnancy I wanted to honor God in the birth of this child, I just couldn't figure out how to do it. It took me months to figure it out, and once I did I was still unsure of how it would play out, mostly because labor is so incredibly different every time for every woman, but also because I'd never set out to intentionally bring the Holy Spirit to a birth. I don't know if the perspective of others shows a Holy Spirit filled birth, but I do know that several times the Holy Spirit made his presence known to me. First in labor that didn't ended in everyone going home. I'd been praying for a time to reconnect with Patrick, and that night I had a very romantic evening with him, and while contracting I would sing "Holy Spirit you are welcome here, come flood this place and fill the atmosphere, your glory God is what our hearts long for, to be overcome by your presence Lord." and then continue to walk quietly with my husband in the moon light. It was a perfect evening for bonding with Patrick, even if it left me sad and discouraged about birth for the rest of the week, I wouldn't trade it.<br />
Then when I labored alone a few things happened, first feeling alone and realizing I wasn't alone at all... I had a play list of songs that I prepared for labor, one of the songs continually didn't make sense to me, I had a huge birth team, why would I use the song that says "I am not alone" I didn't feel I needed that reminder, until I was alone, except for the presence of God, and it was suddenly a perfect song for my labor. And another thing that happened was with my mother in law. I hadn't wanted her in the room, I feared that she would freak out and be a distraction, but I had deeply wanted her to be there when my baby was born, partially because she had totally missed Micah's birth and consequently didn't meet him until this very visit when he is nearly 3 years old, and partially to show her that what I was doing, how I labored from home and delivered my children wasn't in fact dangerous, to give her the inside view of how sweet home birth could be. And then while I labored with Jesus she saw me, and came to be with me, she rubbed my back and we shared a moment I didn't think was even possible, but because of Jesus it was. She didn't stay in the room for the whole birth, but she was there when no one else was, and then she retreated to take care of the older kids and kept them from hearing their mother roaring out their sibling. <br />
The presence of my midwife was also a bit of a miracle, as I was told she was doing 80mph on a road that cops are pull over happy for just 5mph over the speed limit of 45mph, and that she not only passed a cop but blew through a stop sign and was not pulled over or hurt, so I'm positive that angels were guarding her. <br />
My other midwife arrived in time to help with my postpartum care which also turned out to be a God thing, because shortly after I moved from the place on the floor where I'd delivered Esmarie, to the bed where I was much more comfortable, Yvonne asked politely if I minded if she left me in Brandy's care so that she could make it to a 'religious conference' that she had already missed due to one birth, and by God's grace she could make it there this time, if I didn't mind... and of course I didn't, Brandy was with me, and I'd already done all the hard work.<br />
Before Yvonne left Esmarie was weighed and measured and was determined to be my biggest baby by a whole pound! <br />
<br />
Esmarie Joy was born at 10:18am Aug 27th, 2016 weighing 9lbs 7oz and was 21.5 inches long. She was born on my best friend's birthday, after a very intense 2 hour labor.<br />
I am blessed. <br />
Samantha Mehaffeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10746171564325753192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-98706711602875458.post-18370406579305974012016-08-08T16:09:00.001-07:002016-08-08T16:09:08.863-07:00All the changesJust to mention a few changes that have happened over the past I don't know nearly two years....<br />
moved out of 5th wheel in Pennsylvania and into house we own in Oklahoma.<br />
Bought a bigger house in Oklahoma and found a renter for the other house.<br />
Got pregnant once and lost the baby shortly after (but you know about that)<br />
Went to California to help a friend deliver her baby.<br />
Came home and got pregnant again.<br />
These are not in order.<br />
<br />
So here we are... as Daniel Cook would say (I really loathe that show).<br />
I'm 38 weeks pregnant with this blessing baby and getting ready for my mother in law to come for a visit. She hasn't seen any of us since just before Micah was born, so it will be fun to have her here and get to see her meet both this new baby and Micah pretty much at the same time. I think Patrick is excited about seeing his mom too, he's been talking to her on the phone a lot over the last two weeks or so.<br />
<br />
Preparation for the birth of our fourth baby (the kind I'll get to actually hold in my arms) are well underway... but since I don't know the gender of this baby there isn't a whole lot to do. <br />
I've prepared a basket of goodies for my birth team to eat while they serve me in labor, I've prepared my birth kit, with all the stuff that will be needed, or could be needed during the delivery, I've washed clothes that are gender neutral, and I've crocheted a few things. I've got the pack n' play set up in the closet with the bassinet already to go and the changing table, with diapers and wipes, and I've stocked the diaper bag. I've also created a play list (look at that! fourth birth and I've finally done it!) for the labor, I've taken a Christ centered childbirth class, which was awesome! (shout out to Kierra at A Heavenly Welcome) I've done nearly everything, except put that inferno of a plastic sheet over our bed... because it makes me hot, and I'm already hot... and I just don't want to have it on until I have to... which will probably be this Wednesday when I clean my room again.<br />
The kids and I are finishing up our last week of school before taking a break for baby. I'm hoping baby doesn't tarry, cause the longer I take off before baby the less time I get to take off after baby, and that could really suck. I've thought about just continuing to school until baby arrives, but I thought it would probably be better if the kids got to enjoy their grandma while she is visiting instead of doing school work the whole time.<br />
<br />
I tried, I really tried to get the house to a 'manageable' place, but every time I turn around it just isn't maintained any longer... I'm near ready to give up, this mama is tired! But if I give up then it only gets worse....<br />
So I'm off to fold laundry!<br />
<br />
Samantha Mehaffeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10746171564325753192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-98706711602875458.post-30409498171913486922016-05-04T12:02:00.002-07:002016-05-04T12:02:42.532-07:00Mother's Day week meltdownIt seems incredibly fitting to me that the week before mother's Day I would experience a rather large meltdown. I mean what other time of year are your reminded so fully of what this job actually is?<br />
I have a personal relationship with the holiday since I was born on it,but it came as a shock to me when I realized it was coming so quickly this year. The 2ND Sunday of May just doesn't seem like it could be on the 8th day of the month... And yet it is, and will be this year.<br />
My husband asked what I wanted, I said "a day off,not away from you guys, but just a day where I don't have to do mother stuff,and if not that then chocolate and flowers are a great fall back."<br />
Let's face it I can't and won't get a day off, first off it is impossible not to be a mother once you are one, and 2ND,I love my job and couldn't possibly not do it when it is there for me to do.<br />
So why then would I be having a meltdown? Probably I'm extra hormonal or something... But I woke up this morning with a light in my eyes, the kids were being good,the day was starting out right, and then I learned that my preferred presidential candidate was exiting the race.... I figured it was happening by all the things I had seen on facebook but hadn't actually heard the words. This alone would never have resulted in my toddler like tantrum, but I will honestly say I wanted to cry.<br />
After pulling my act together I went on to teach my daughter a reading lesson while my oldest son worked on his spelling lesson, things were cruising along nicely, until I got a phone call from my church. The meeting I had scheduled two weeks ago for today was being rescheduled, and when would I prefer it, Tuesday or Wednesday next week. This was crushing for a few reasons.<br />
I have excitedly been attempting to tell someone at the church about a ministry that was laid on my heart since last November, two weeks ago it was evident that the effort was falling on deaf ears,and going no where so I contacted the pastor via email, and he suggested I schedule a meeting with his secretary, which I did, but he was out of town for the week and then was completely booked for the following week so the earliest I could see him was Wednesday of this week... Today. And I printed out pages, took notes spent time in prayer, asked others to pray, researched everything I thought might be helpful, and contacted another church that is already involved in the ministry. And now I have to wait another week. I know I feel like a baby to be upset about waiting a week, but save your laughter... The root of my problems has to do with God's direction for my life.<br />
After rescheduling my appointment I went on to finish my daughters reading lesson and then my oldest sons lesson, things were going well but he was struggling with his concentration, and while that is normally a problem it seemed more evident today,so I stopped him to ask what was going on, and why he was struggling. Just as our conversation was wrapping up and we were getting to the root of the problem my daughter enters the room to say that my youngest son has pooped in his underwear.<br />
He is potty training and this is expected, but today I had made a huge effort to be on top of him, knowing that he usually does this in the morning,and asking him frequently to use the toilet, which he was doing each time I asked... But the poop hadn't come yet... And now it had and I missed the chance to get him on the toilet. Disappointed I went to the bathroom, careful not to take my frustration out on the boy I sat him on the toilet and began cleaning out his soiled underwear in the toilet.<br />
After cleaning him up I sobbed, ugly tears, again... Because only a little earlier I had asked God in a big sob fest what service he wanted from me... Because my doula profession is at a ginormous stand still (I have one client booked for the whole year and she isn't due until November) and the ministry I've worked so hard to present to the church keeps hitting rocky roads and stand stills, so the only ministry I have been doing, which is the greatest calling ever is motherhood... Like I said, it's the greatest, but it is also ridiculous.<br />
I'm sobbing on the floor of my dirty bathroom with poopy underwear in my hands and realizing that the greatest ministry God has called me to is to be a servant, something I normally love and enjoy even in difficult times, but right now all I want is to not have to touch anyone else's poop for the rest of my life, but in the throes of motherhood with small people,the biggest part of my ministry to God is to clean up poop from my toddlers.<br />
I'm not dreaming of becoming the greatest minister ever known, I'm not dreaming of riches or fame, I just want to give God His glory, and the ministry he has undoubtedly called me to at this moment of my life is the cleaning of poop.<br />
I will gladly do it... As long as it needs doing, for as many children as need it done... But allow me a moment to break down in the bathroom amidst toddler poop today... Because I'm still learning to humble myself,and it doesn't come easy.<br />
To all my poop cleaning lady friends... Happy Mother's Day.<br />
May every day, even the hardest ones serve as a reminder that giving glory to God isn't about us, and it is often a bitter, and hard pill to swallow, but is always fruitful, and worth every effort.Samantha Mehaffeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10746171564325753192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-98706711602875458.post-38057682385224795542016-02-23T07:31:00.000-08:002016-02-23T07:31:07.971-08:00Best yogurt ever!For months I have been attempting to master the art of homemade yogurt. That is to say I have been tweaking other people's fabulous easy to follow recipes and attempting to make it in a way that my family will love it the most.<br />
I've read a few horror stories about screwing up entire batches but to be honest I have only screwed up one and it was still edible, it was just a bit bitter for some people's taste. Unfortunately of course without knowing I had made a bitter batch I handed it over to my best friend who then fed it to her yogurt loving children who now hold it against me and won't try my homemade yogurt again... Whatever that's their loss...more for me.<br />
She has since started making her own as well and I'm sure we will change their minds together.<br />
I read and found that all you need is a few simple ingredients, milk, yogurt (or starter), sugar, and vanilla are all I use.<br />
Many many many different recipes out there, so the best thing to do is play with it. <br />
I also just figured out that the quality of the ingredients actually does matter. Originally I would use Walmart plain low-fat yogurt (that's what wic gave us so it was free) and Walmart brand milk in whatever fat content I happened to buy. But lately I've been using whole milk from Braums and just this last time I didn't want a huge container of starter and only wanted to buy one container instead of a four pack and great value only came in a 4 pack so I ended up with Dannon plain yogurt, I don't know the fat Content it was just the first one I found that said it contained live active culture, which is essential for yogurt making.<br />
This last batch was twice as thick as any other I have made to date, and so delicious! <br />
The only thing I have had trouble with in the past was how much sugar and vanilla to add, but I think I have it mastered now... At least to my satisfaction, feel free to adjust it to what you like.<br />
<br />
Vanilla yogurt<br />
<br />
Ingredients needed:<br />
One single serve container of yogurt, vanilla or plain (as mentioned above Dannon helped make my yogurt thicker and creamier, but great value or any other brand works well too.)<br />
<br />
One gallon of milk (I like using whole milk but have used as low as 1% without issue)<br />
<br />
1.75 cups of sugar<br />
<br />
3-4 tablespoons of vanilla (I use about 3.5)<br />
<br />
4 glass quart sized Mason jars <br />
<br />
One large pot with lid (all your jars should fit inside with the lid on top, seal is not important but you want it as close as possible)<br />
<br />
Water<br />
<br />
Candy thermometer<br />
<br />
<br />
Directions<br />
<br />
Pour milk into your large pot and heat to 170-180 degrees stirring often to avoid scalding on the bottom of the pan.<br />
Once the temperature reaches this level shut off your heat and leave uncovered without stirring until the temperature reaches 120 degrees (F). (You will likely have a thin layer of milk on top that resembles plastic wrap only white, just scoop it out and discard it.<br />
When the temperature is getting close soak your Mason jars in very hot water to kill any bacteria lingering in them. <br />
In a mixing bowl put sugar, vanilla and single serving yogurt together and add about a cup of your 120 degree milk and lightly stir, your yogurt doesn't want to be beaten, just well mixed, if there are still little parts that are not totally mixed that is OK too.<br />
After stirring pour the mixture into the pan with the rest of the milk and mix a little more. Again do not abuse your mixture, yogurt likes to be treated gently.<br />
Remove jars and shake out excess water and dry the outside of the jars.<br />
Using a large ladle or a coffee cup scoop out your yogurt mixture and pour it into the jars. I typically have only an 1/8 inch to the top of my jars. Then put their lids on them not too tight but tight enough that they won't leak. You may have a little left over, feel free to drink it, it's delicious! <br />
Rinse your pot out really well and put the jars inside, fill the pan up to the necks of the jars with warm water, about like a bath, if your need exact temperature then 120 degrees is as hot as you should go, no more than that.<br />
Pop the lid on the pot and cover with a folded towel, the sides of the pot don't need to be wrapped but you do want the towel to cover any gap the lid doesn't cover.<br />
Set a timer for 4 hours and don't touch the pot or jars inside for the duration.<br />
When the timer goes off remove the jars, dry them gently with a towel and place them in the fridge for 8 hours before opening. <br />
Enjoy your yogurt! Samantha Mehaffeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10746171564325753192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-98706711602875458.post-11229063248686297552015-12-08T06:11:00.000-08:002015-12-08T06:11:08.717-08:00Affirmation of the World, or Restoration for your Soul?I've been aching to come and write here for awhile, but it is December now, and well time flies, especially when you are having fun! <br />
Quick update; Fia's Birthday is Thursday, we had a party for her last weekend. She was so cute in her princess dress, and her little friends came dressed as princesses too! We even met a few new friends... all boys of course because it seems most of the people we know have boys!<br />
Caeden's birthday is coming up, we will have a party for him next weekend. His party theme will be Paleontology, and Patrick and I are putting together a kit for him to dig with like a real dinosaur bone digger! He's going to love it!<br />
Don't know when the last time I wrote was but Moo moo turned two as well... gosh he is getting so big! But he must like being the baby cause he keeps coming back for more mama loving, even when it seems he's getting to an age when he doesn't need as much mama... of course, they all come back to mama even Caeden being almost 7 wants to sit on my lap during school work time!<br />
<br />
I actually wanted to write about something completely unrelated to my family today. It seems to me that sin and condemnation are running rampant in our world, and I've got an idea why. Who has all the answers? I want to know.<br />
<br />
I have realized that a lot of people seem particularly condemned lately. They are easily offended by people's different opinions and need to be affirmed in their own beliefs in order to feel good about themselves, but it doesn't make them feel good about themselves. Take breastfeeding in public for instance. Breastfeeding has come a long way, those who do it in public are confident in what they do, and do it with a sort of pride now-a-days. When I had my first baby almost 7 years ago I didn't feel like any kind of pioneer, my mother had breastfed all of her children, my Aunt's and Cousins had breastfed their children, it was normal, and not at all strange to me, but I met several people who felt it was 'weird' or 'unnatural'. (This I have to say, while off subject, was absolutely astounding to me, that breastfeeding could be seen as 'unnatural'.) Anyway, since there are certain people who are uncomfortable with breastfeeding in public there are laws about it in some states, most of which are about the ability for a woman TO breastfeed and not the opposite, but still women are fighting for it. Women on social media are swarming pages with pictures of their bare skinned breast, feeding their child. <br />
I even recently read an article about Christian women who should breastfeed in public baring their breasts and not being a 'prude' by covering up. The article while very interesting and insightful on the plan of God to nurture us close to his bosom, forgot a whole book in the bible that mentions repeatedly the sexual nature of the breast as well. <br />
There are also women all over the world who are bearing their breasts just to make a statement and saying it isn't shameful... I don't agree with this idea, but that isn't my point. They want everyone to see it as normal, they want everyone to feel as they feel. The article about breastfeeding urged more women to bare their breasts in church to make it normal, and less shameful. I don't believe that breastfeeding in public is bad, I don't believe that breastfeeding uncovered is bad, but I do believe there is a modest way to go about it and a completely immodest way to do it, and would urge all women who breastfeed not to hide the fact that they do it, but rather to be discreet as the naked breast is a distraction to many people, and your personal comfort levels should be taken into consideration as well, but you shouldn't attempt to change people's own comfort level so that the breast can be more normalized.<br />
There are other arenas where things are becoming more normalized, homosexuality, cross dressing, legal use of marijuana, the ability to buy alcohol in the grocery store (if you didn't know, it isn't legal to sell it in grocery stores in Oklahoma), so many things, little things too, celebrate your kids in mediocrity, don't let them learn about failure, instead they are all winners. Don't have too many kids, or the first few won't feel like they are important, or have enough stuff, or they will have to share their bedroom. My parents had 6 kids and somehow managed to buy into the idea that we each needed our own bedroom... I look back and think the times I had my own room were the loneliest, I really enjoyed sharing my bedroom. I even went as far as convincing my parents that we should have two exchange students because I wanted one in my room and it wasn't the biggest room in the house, my sister would have been the one to share rooms if we only hosted one. <br />
Those who do something that is not a social norm press and strive and fight for it to become 'normal'... why? Christians and non-Christians alike are doing it, but more so those who are doing things that are deemed 'shameful' by older generations than those who follow the social norm. <br />
I've been reading Romans this morning and I think I've come across the answer.<br />
<br />
Romans 1:28-32 "And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting, being filled with all unrighteousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful; who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them." <br />
<br />
Who are any of us? Any person on this planet would fit into one of these categories, don't think you are bad? Do you whisper about people behind their backs? Are you Proud? Were you disobedient to your parents? Do you ever envy other people? Then this describes you, don't eliminate yourself here... you fit, you are a sinner. And the bible says that if you do these things you deserve death. It also says that people who do these things will approve of others doing them. It used to be that people who drank alcohol would give minors a drink and laugh, I remember it, I remember how they tried to con young people into thinking it was cool to get drunk, they knew it wasn't, but the kids they let do it didn't have the wisdom yet to know what it was actually going to do to them... but that isn't all that is happening now. <br />
Now even if a person is confident in their own gender they feel that it isn't right to force gender on a person, so they tell their toddler that they can be a boy or a girl, it doesn't matter. WHAT is wrong with people! I'm sorry but you are given a gender, from God.. he is the only one who can control it. This issue goes far below your skin, it goes to hormones, it goes to DNA, it goes to chromosomes. And while they are finding ways to change so many body parts they have no way of changing chromosomes that I am aware of. If they do I'd hope they were using it to cure disease not change genders. <br />
Making what is wrong normal seems to be the only way to feel good about doing wrong... UNLESS there is a better way! No one wants what the bible predicts for those who are sinners, death is awful... Life however is beautiful. But are you really living your life if everything you do is for yourself? I'd argue that the answer is no.<br />
God gave a perfect example of what we can do to really live... die. Not to save our own life, but to give life to others. I don't mean a death of a physical sense but rather a death of a spiritual sense... we as the bible says, die to ourselves. That means that we stop saying 'yes' to ourselves, and start saying 'yes' to helping others, start saying 'yes' to serving others, not forgiving their sins and letting them continue on in them. We have no power to forgive sins, only God does, and he says 'go and sin no more', which means that we as Christians might want to re-think some of our positions on things. Stop condemning, stop ignoring, but start doing something more like Christ. Eat with the 'sinners' like Christ did, he gave them an example to follow, and he told them not to continue in their sin anymore. <br />
Stand up Christians, not for the right for a man to dress as a woman, or use a public restroom of his choice. Not for baring your naked breasts while breastfeeding (I'm not saying in any way that breastfeeding in public should be shunned I just don't think it is necessary to wage war on the subject), but stand up to say what sin is, and how we have a savior who has already overcome it for us, stand up and walk tall, don't hide your beliefs, don't be scared, be bold, and die to yourself, daily, the way Jesus asked us to, so that your brother, sister, friend, Aunt, Mother, Uncle, Cousin, Father, person you never met but see at work all the time, can know who Jesus really was, a bold man who knew what God designed him to be, and who knew and identified sin as sin, but also forgave sin by dying, literally dying on a cross to forgive it all. Stand up and help people out of sin, don't help them stay in it and normalize it for your children and their children, stand up and be bold.<br />
The insecurity of those who want to normalize sin comes from Satan, and he wants you to be a part of it... Bullies bully because they hate themselves, not because they hate others. People who don't know how to love themselves (the way Jesus loved us) cause all sorts of problems, we really need to get our hands on some people and show them corrective love... <br />
So many of my Christian friends on facebook will say "I don't do those things, but God says not to judge, so I can't say if they are wrong for doing them".... BULL You are not judging, God judged, he did it already! The judgement is done... if the bible says it is sin, it is sin! How we deal with it is a different story, but we absolutely can not stand for it to be 'normal'. <br />
<br />
As I was growing up I would read through the bible and try my best to be a 'good girl' accepting God's grace where I screwed up, and then at school my friends would pick on me and say I was 'better then' them... I didn't understand what I was supposed to do with that, cut myself down and point out my own sin, or point to Jesus as the reason they saw me that way, and would usually end up doing both in some fashion. Now as an adult I feel somewhat smarter in this area, it is NEVER about me... so I feel like I shouldn't make it about me, but then sometimes it is about the example God has given through me. When difficult things happen, where does my trust fall? Who is watching when I lean on God to get me through a difficult time in my life? Where do I turn, what do I say, what are people deciding about Jesus when they see me? <br />
The bible says we are made perfect through Jesus... I think I understand this more now than ever. It isn't that I don't sin, or that I am not capable of sin. It isn't that the sin I do commit is ok because I'm perfect in Christ. It is that my desire to sin has been taken away. Yes I fail, I'm not Jesus, Yes I stumble over things that maybe I shouldn't, but in the end, every day I am forgiven, everyday I desire Jesus is one day less I desire sin. I want that for everyone. Not just for my family, but for the people who are looking for the restoration of their souls, for affirmation that someone loves them, that he would do anything for them. That he accepts them just as they are, but because he does that they want to be more like him, and they stop their bad habits and stop seeking affirmation, and normalization of things that are inappropriate and/or wrong, or sinful and begin seeking God.<br />
I want that everyone should have Jesus rather than the approval of the world for the things they do, and the way they feel.Samantha Mehaffeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10746171564325753192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-98706711602875458.post-50977530466156159512015-10-02T09:35:00.001-07:002015-10-02T09:40:27.650-07:0039 weeks<p dir="ltr">I received an email from babycenter today, it congratulated me on being 39 weeks pregnant. <br>
I didn't opt to stop receiving these because I have a client who is due the same week as I would have been and it is a nice reminder of where she is in the wait... but it is also sad and most weeks I just delete the email and move on. Today it hit pretty close to home as I realized how flat belly is and how there will be no baby born into our family in the coming weeks. <br>
I am so glad for the grace of God in my life to show me all the things I have to be joyful about today, even when the anticipation and joy of a new baby isn't one of them.<br>
Thank you Jesus for the children I have!</p>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-FwVGU7NT9y0/Vg6zABG9i_I/AAAAAAAAB28/W9q0chV1FNI/s1600/20150428_140601.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-FwVGU7NT9y0/Vg6zABG9i_I/AAAAAAAAB28/W9q0chV1FNI/s640/20150428_140601.jpg"> </a> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Xc2Sqv9_Ofw/Vg6zHjIJPhI/AAAAAAAAB3E/lGrhhHMzGeg/s1600/20150926_115251.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Xc2Sqv9_Ofw/Vg6zHjIJPhI/AAAAAAAAB3E/lGrhhHMzGeg/s640/20150926_115251.jpg"> </a> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-v3DJHjrJyW4/Vg6zQ5t0DlI/AAAAAAAAB3M/wA4OpMgAg7g/s1600/20150918_092945.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-v3DJHjrJyW4/Vg6zQ5t0DlI/AAAAAAAAB3M/wA4OpMgAg7g/s640/20150918_092945.jpg"> </a> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-TJuE2SYMuto/Vg6zdkh5o6I/AAAAAAAAB3U/j_p1Ld25xx0/s1600/20150911_123553.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-TJuE2SYMuto/Vg6zdkh5o6I/AAAAAAAAB3U/j_p1Ld25xx0/s640/20150911_123553.jpg"> </a> </div>Samantha Mehaffeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10746171564325753192noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-98706711602875458.post-46336247398956070682015-09-30T06:26:00.002-07:002015-09-30T06:26:52.075-07:00A Revelation (to me) on AbortionI have always been pro-life, but my husband and I have been researching a bit lately to find out more about this situation our country has found it's self in, and the facts astound me. 1.21 million children are aborted legally in the U.S. every year! Wowzers... that is a lot of innocent children being murdered. According to www.worldometers.info/abortions/ there are 125,000 every day in the world. <br />
I have been praying about how I can help things, my husband has been praying about it, we are both on fire for the lives of these children, I can't explain exactly how we feel, but there is a sickening in my stomach to think of all the babies who would have been here and now are not because in the first place people can not control their sex lives, and in the second decide to cover that up by murdering their unborn children. For those who believe that it is not murder because there is no child, I urge you to look at the pictures of aborted babies and see if you don't see a child there. <br />
It also sickens me to think that people call the unborn a parasite. I believe that conception happens at the same moment as fertilization, so in that belief I also think that for the first 5-7 days of a child's life they cannot be compared to a parasite at that time. They are not using anything from their mother at all, besides that a parasite never infects its mother (at least not that I have found), and a parasite must have a host for it's entire life span, a child on the other hand starts off as an egg and sperm connected in a free space not connected to any other thing and then moves to a place where it's mother can nourish it for approximately 9 months, and in only the first 3 months it has all of its body parts that it will have at birth, the rest of the time spent inside of it's mother it is only growing bigger, no longer making its own lungs and heart, but actually using them and growing them... just as a toddler would be doing, only inside it's mother because it is too fragile to enter the world before that 9 month time period is up, which is why most premature babies are kept in the hospital until approximately their due date.<br />
Today I opened my bible to read and found that somehow my book mark had been moved, I don't know how, I don't even know of anyone being in my room to have moved it but it was moved, and instead of reading where I would have been reading I decided to see if God had some divine inspiration for me in this newly book marked place... besides I hadn't really gotten too far where I was reading before anyway. I now fully believe that however the book mark had been moved, God intended for me to read this new passage today, it shocked me how much I received from my reading today.<br />
When I opened this morning my book mark was marking the beginning of 2 Kings, I read and the story was interesting so I continued to read into chapter 2. As I read Elijah was taken up to heaven and 'his spirit' rested on Elisha, and I believe that spirit was actually the Holy Spirit though I don't know. After Elijah is taken up Elisha begins to perform miracles in the name of the LORD. One of which is I believe in Jericho where a spring had brackish water and Elisha pours some salt from a new bowl into the water and it is cleansed and in 2 Kings 2:21 it says this: "Then he went to the spring of water and threw the salt into it, and said "Thus says the Lord, I have made this water wholesome; from now on neither death nor miscarriage shall come from it." (NRSV) <br />
side note: I don't particularly care for the NRSV but when I came across the word miscarriage it peaked my interest so I went to some commentaries and other versions of the bible and found a bit about it, of course never expecting to learn about abortion from the bible that day, but just interested because I have had two miscarriages myself and the subject is very close to my heart.<br />
The word miscarriage can be translated as barrenness or abortion here as well. <br />
Barrenness to me implies there was no life to begin with, that the mother or would be mother has never had an egg fertilized to become pregnant, but it also means she might have lost a baby or two, or more. Abortion can be used to reference the body not supporting a baby or a mother deciding to kill her unborn child, neither end with a healthy baby. And miscarriage leaves the mother without much responsibility (though some can say her lifestyle choices might affect this as well) but usually she will experience a lot of grief even if not at fault for the loss of her child. All three mean the land was lacking children (in reference to the verses I had been reading).<br />
Elisha threw <i>salt</i> into the <i>water</i> from a <i>new bowl</i> so that <i>death would not happen</i> as a result of drinking this brackish water anymore.<br />
Jesus is the living <i>water</i>, whoever drinks of Him rather than the world's substitute is given ever-lasting life.<br />
We Christians are the <i>salt</i> of the earth, when we devote ourselves to God we can turn the world's substitute for something good into living water and truth.<br />
I also think that because the salt was put into a <i>new bowl</i> that means something too. We have to be set apart. Not just any old bowl will do, it is a <i>new bowl</i>, a new purpose, a new pathway, not just to sit among the other members of the salt and season things as needed, but to get excited about a cause and dive into the world and change it to a world for Jesus.<br />
And what happened? Death and miscarriage and abortion were abolished because of the activity of salt in water. We can do nothing without Jesus, he preformed the miracle, not Elisha, not the salt, not the new bowl, Jesus. But HE also called us to participate and if we do not, then the world will remain brackish and continue to murder the children who have only just received the spark of life, but have not yet seen the light of day, or the moon at night.<br />
What can we do? This is my list of things you can do, but I'm still figuring out how I can go about them, pray earnestly that God can show you what you can do, and I'm sure he will.<br />
1. Adopt a child that would have been aborted.<br />
2. Help women in need who are pregnant and feel they have no options (i.e. feed the hungry, give clothing to the naked, care for the widow, which in our culture also can be the 'unsupported')<br />
3. Donate clothing, diapers, bottles, formula, and other baby essentials to local pregnancy centers.<br />
4. Donate your time to pregnancy centers, they actually work with volunteers not paid employees most of the time.<br />
5. Speak out about abortion, if you start talking about this unspoken topic and start doing your part to help the people in need then two things will happen, (a.) they will hear your voice and maybe start talking themselves, and (b.) you will prove that the stigma of Christians who care about birth but not life will go away. We have to show them we care about the baby and it's mother before and long after that child is born as well as when she/he is in the mother's womb. All talk and no action isn't going to help, you absolutely must have both. Live the life you claim to believe in! Be a walking minister of Jesus Christ. <br />
I almost typed here that I was stepping down from my soap box, but then I decided no, I'm not.. not ever... I will help these babies, I will be their voices! I will cry out to the world that they are killing babies, and I will reach out and help the mothers who are in need.<br />
If you are a mother considering abortion as an option, please reach out to me. You can find me on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Your-Cherished-Birth-Birth-Doula-378396555535819/timeline/?ref=hl">facebook</a>. If there is anything I can do for you I will do it no questions asked, provided it is within my means, and if it is not I will do my best to figure out how I can still help you perhaps through outside resources.Samantha Mehaffeyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10746171564325753192noreply@blogger.com0