Mommy and Me

Mommy and Me
Sharing life with you is fullfilling

Friday, May 24, 2013

the trouble with hearts

Hearts are like anything else in life, unpredictable.

Usually I'd like to follow that with something that sounds like love.... but this time that is not the case. 
Last week Thursday I got into heated and emotional conversation with a friend that was VERY long, and when it was all over, or maybe even while it was happening I started to feel worn down, and physically exhausted.  I felt like it was just a pregnancy thing and just attempted to rest before the weekend hit.  I felt like my heart was racing, and it took a long time to calm it down.
The weekend was AMAZING!  for the first time in years I was able to go on an annual girls only mushroom hunting trip with my mom... a few times during our trip my heart jumped a bit and raced, but again, I figured it was just because I'd been walking a lot more than I had been while stuck on the couch with morning sickness.  My mom was nice and tried to take it easy for me... I thought it was great.
On the way home I had to pull over twice, once to puke, and once to avoid it.  When I got home I had a full blown stomach bug, it was horrible, but only lasted about 24 hours.  By the time I'd recovered my husband had the bug, and by the time he had recovered my house was a DISASTER!  I'd look at just one room and feel my heart begin to race.  It was about this time that it started to worry me.  I could feel these little jumps in my chest every once in awhile, but as long as I took some time to settle my emotions, and calm my nerves I could over come them and be on my way.  I didn't even mention it to my husband.
On Tuesday night a girl on facebook felt the need to correct something I said and it became a very heated conversation, again my heart started racing.  I mentioned it to her, and basically ended that conversation as best I could.  We had worked things out, but I was still emotionally charged.  I went upstairs to use the bathroom and afterward my heart was pounding SO hard and jumping and 'hiccuping' I laid down in bed thinking I'd just rest and it would go away after awhile like the times in the past, but before it stopped I fell asleep, and my husband woke me up when he got home from work.
Wednesday I was attempting to catch up on all the housework that had fallen behind, and get the kids involved in it too, and lunch time snuck up on me, I felt like I was being pulled a thousand directions and my heart was racing and jumping and hiccuping, it bothered me, but I pressed through it as best as I could.  I wasn't accomplishing anything really, not like I wanted to be.  I rested but didn't really feel great.  That night something more happened on facebook, this time not directly related to myself, but still emotionally charged and hard to take, and the conversations that came out of it were so emotional that my heart started racing, jumping and hiccuping again.  I stopped talking again, and I was upset that these people that seemed to be jumping at each other were people I really loved talking to, and sharing bits of my life with, and yet they are chewing each other up.
That night I'm almost ashamed to say that I dreamt most of the night about these women and what was said between them.  And when I woke up I got right to work making breakfast and getting the day moving and as I went along my heart was getting worse and worse jumping and skipping and hiccuping.  I finally told my husband and he prompted me to call my doctor, who wasn't actually my doctor yet, and because of that they said I'd have to fill out some paperwork and see if the doctor accepted me as a patient, which could take days... and I didn't want to wait days... we went to the ER. 
They recognized the weird beating of my heart and did an EKG... which showed that my heart would be regular for about 3-4 beats, then slow down for 2 and then beat twice in a row very quickly, then slow down for another two and repeat the sequence again. 
They took some blood to check my electrolytes and some other things, did a urine sample for I don't know what reason, and the doctor ordered a saline lock.  I was so proud of myself at that moment, when they did the blood draw I warned them I'm a nervous stick and might faint (which I did after I cleared everyone out of the room, including my children).  So while I was recovering from the first needle poke I was told they wanted another, and I asked if there was any fluid ordered to use the saline lock for, and the nurse double checked and said no, so I asked her if I could refuse until it was needed and she said YES... I know that sounds pretty lame, but it was a big moment for me, I got along with my nurse and still expressed my desire to not have the recommended course of treatment!  Something I've been a little afraid of since being treated badly during Fia's birth.
In the end they sent me home with a prescription for antibiotics for a UTI (YAY! NOT!) and a diagnosis for PAC which basically says that my heart is being weird, but I shouldn't worry about it at this time.  If it gets worse or painful I'm supposed to go back in.  I'm also supposed to follow up with that doctor that hasn't got me on their books yet... so I went out and got the paperwork filled out and turned in, filled the prescription and tried to relax the rest of the day.  The irregular beating did eventually stop bothering me, but has been back and forth today. 
For the record, I'm staying away from facebook for awhile.  No mater what is going on it isn't worth risking my health or the health of baby.

Thursday, May 16, 2013


It happens once in awhile that you have gone full speed ahead and then hit a wall, you can't climb it, can't go under it and there isn't a way around it, and you just have to stop and allow the world to overtake you for a time...
It happened to me this week.
Last week I managed to get my house in order, I posted about that, and it was rewarding and EXHAUSTING, but I did it, and was so happy, and anticipated that this week would go much easier because of all the hard work I'd done last week.. I was only slightly wrong, as I sit here with two loads of unfolded laundry in front of me and another in the dryer waiting for me to retrieve them.
Last weekend was AMAZING and tiring.  It was Mother's Day weekend, and my birthday was on Monday, so knowing how my husband rarely plans a thing I decided that I'd plan my own time, and went to the Holland Tulip Festival for the weekend, staying at a cousin's house to get as much enjoyment out of it as possible... however, Friday morning as we packed up to leave it was cold and raining and the weather map indicated we were not going to get out of that weather pattern after our four hour drive to Holland.  I nearly canceled the trip, but had really been looking forward to going, so I grinned, bundled and packed the car, and said a silent prayer that somehow God would make this weekend enjoyable regardless of the weather surrounding us.
The weather didn't let up at all on Friday, and we ended up looking at some shops where we could be inside, I can honestly say I saw more tulips in our home town than I did in Holland, but oh well.  After wandering the shops we called my cousin and announced we were on our way to her home.
I hadn't seen her since Thanksgiving last year and her kids are my kids ages so I was thrilled to spend some time with her.  (turns out she was pregnant at the time and didn't know it yet... )  So we have a pattern going for our kids, I had my son, a few months later she had hers, She had her daughter and a few months later I had mine.. now I'm due in October and she is due in January... very exciting! 
The next day we got up and met my sister at the Dutch Village, and endured freezing cold weather that at least was not raining, while our kids ran around riding the train they have there, and the carousel, and then after snacks in the back of my van we said good bye and started our LONG drive home...
I'm thankful for so many things, first, that my husband decided to go to Cracker Barrel, to be honest it isn't my absolute favorite restaurant, but it is one I enjoy and being that most of the restaurants we really like are located NO WHERE near our home it was refreshing to eat real food cooked by someone other than me, that wasn't from burger king or McDonald's.. and as much as I enjoy the mom and pop restaurants, I'm glad it wasn't from them either.
Once home we dropped off a birthday present to a friend of C's and got the kids home and in bed.. and then I pooped out for 3 days!  I had things I HAD to do, so I did them, but Saturday night to Tuesday morning I really can't say I did anything helpful in my home.  I may have actually gotten C's laundry in the washing machine Monday night but I don't remember.
What I do remember is that on Sunday we skipped church because I was just too tired, and P took me to a mom and pop restaurant where they gave me a rose and mint chocolate chip ice cream because it was mother's day (technically the ice cream was P's and he gave it to me).
I remember that Sunday night P came home from work with a Sara Lee Apple Pie (he wanted to get me a berry pie because I'd been craving berry pie for a few days but couldn't find one) popped it into the oven and we had a midnight birthday pie celebration!  It was a perfect transition from mother's day to my birthday...
Monday we got up early again and drove a little over an hour to my midwife appointment and got to hear our babies heart beating again!  I felt like it was a perfect birthday, nothing special, but perfect to me. 
P bought me some of the most beautiful Orchids for Mother's Day (I had to look on-line to learn how to take care of them, so I hope I don't kill them!!!) and a new radio to replace my old one that I could no longer move the volume dial on and was just wearing out in general. 
And C felt like he didn't get to get me anything for mother's day or my birthday and it made him feel bad, so all week he's been drawing me pictures in the bath tub with his bath tub crayons, the first one was a rainbow, the second one was horses, lots of horses, all the way around the bath tub... and for a 4 year old who only just started drawing anything he did an amazing job!  I knew immediately that they were horses.  And I'll be incredibly sad when I have to wash them off.  I'll have to post a picture of them another day.

I'll be honest, I got on my blog to whine and complain about today, an emotionally draining day, a horrible example of my ability to be a friend, or to mother my children with patience and love, and when I choose to instead tell about my amazing weekend last week, it has really helped me to focus more on the positives!

Tomorrow I'm leaving my family for the first time in the care of my husband alone... it is exciting and terrible at the same time.  I very much need a chance to tune out everything in my head and relax, but I also have never left my children for this long.  I'm totally confident my husband can handle it, but I will miss them too.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

so many thoughts

First off I'll give you the exciting news... this baby MOVES!!! A few days ago I felt this totally random spasm in my uterus, and ever since then there have been no more little flutters or tickles, just full on rolls and kicks!  I love this time in pregnancy, it is comparable to getting to know a new boyfriend... you feel each other out, can I get away with pushing back?  how will he/she respond?  Can I talk to make you more interested baby?  Are you an early bird or a night owl?  Will you respond well when I pick on you?  I love this!  It is like playing puzzles with a human!  and a fresh one too... I'm the first person to get to know you baby!

Ok and as exciting as that was I've got a lot of other things to talk about... 1. I'm going on an adventure tomorrow!  so exciting.. I have to remember so many things though and due to the above mentioned little person I'm getting to know I have NO energy to prepare!  Honestly I wanted a shower YESTERDAY and still have not taken one yet today and it is nearly 11pm, but that isn't just because of energy, it is also because....

I'm getting back on track with my house.  For 11 weeks it fell apart, only getting cleaned by friends/acquaintances who took pity on me while I hurled and tried to keep food down and not pass out on the floor, BUT a few weeks ago I started light, just getting my laundry back on track, then moved on to my kitchen, then the kitchen was constantly clean despite the fact that I can now cook again and was doing so as often as possible, for a whole week, so I moved on to the living room, which lets be honest is probably the easiest room to clean but I was ignoring it for so long to get those real problem areas under control... and I DID IT!!!!

I could totally have a party for myself if I had the energy!  But because I don't have the energy I have been sitting in the middle of a pile of folded laundry that just needs to be put back in the basket... staring at the pile of things that I need to put in a bag and another pile of things that need to go in the car to prepare for tomorrow.... but I'm not motivated to do it.. I'm tired, I want to go to sleep RIGHT NOW... but I know that like the last 4-5 nights I'll exhausted climb into my bed and lay wide awake until 2am... and then feel like I've wasted so much time, so instead I'm sitting here in the above mentioned pile of folded laundry telling you how tired I am.

So for your pleasure and entertainment I'm going to share my 'household chores schedule'  which I honestly can't remember but I may have shared it before.. it is just that it works so AWESOME that everyone should have one of these, mine or some other one doesn't matter, just get on a schedule and follow your routine and you'll be amazed how much more smoothly your household runs... of course you also have to remember that it is still hard work to keep a household clean so give yourself a break if you don't meet your goals, just do your best!

My schedule!
Monday- (My son's first name starts with the letter closest to the beginning of the alphabet so it seemed right that I would start with him....)
 *Wash that boy's laundry
 *encourage and guide him in cleaning his room (all the way down to vacuuming and washing the window when it needs it)

And every day has a few D's... so while there is no order to my day I do things as I get to them and here are the daily D's
Dirty Floors (if it is a floor and it looks dirty I take care of it, if not I say forget it)
Dirty Surfaces (table, counter tops, stove top)

Tuesday- (starts with a T... lets go with it)
*TOWELS (wash them, dry them, hang them where they need hanging and fold those that need putting away)
*Bathroom (I have two bathrooms and I hate cleaning them, but I stole some ideas from Flylady who I think would be proud of me)
     -dry washcloth to the mirrors (sure Windex would work but I've been cutting chemicals so I only use vinegar and water and then only when it really needs it)
      - same wash cloth to the sink, counter tops, and faucet (with added water now)
      - same washcloth to the toilet... (yep toilet!)
     - use a scrubby thing to the inside of the toilet
     - sweep floor
     -take out trash
     - mop down the floor with a different wash cloth (I could use the same one but that seems nasty)

Since I'm already in the bathroom this works as a great time to bathe the kids, so the tub gets a quick scrub down too and the kids take turns bathing while I clean the rest of the room.

And don't forget the Daily D's mentioned in Monday

Wednesday- (what would go better on Wednesday than WE)
*Hubby and I's laundry
*Clean my bedroom (currently I've only achieved this once since getting pregnant and you can imagine it is pretty far behind, set reasonable goals for yourself, you don't have to get everything done in one week, it will still be there next week)
        - make your bed!  (new sheets are a plus)
        - pick up the floor
        -wash any mirrors
        -clean off your dresser
        - make an effort to organize the closet


Thursday (I've got nothing cute about this day)
after all the hard work you've done you deserve to have a day of less stress... this is your 'catch up or get ahead day.

Daily D's
If you missed laundry at all this week catch up, if not think ahead to your weekend, is it particularly busy?  is there anything in Friday or Saturday that you could do now that would benefit you?

Oh and just because you can't have a day without some sort of extra chore, mop your kitchen floor.

Friday- My daughter's Nickname as you've probably noticed starts with F... it's her turn!
*Do her laundry
*Help and encourage her to clean her room (don't forget the windows and the vacuuming)


Saturday (it starts with S... can you guess?)
*Wash the sheets!  Did you notice on any of those days earlier in the week that some sheets needed to be changed?  hopefully you already changed them but if not go strip the beds and wash those sheets...

Daily D's

Come on!  EVERYONE gets a day off... you do too!  TAKE IT!!!  If you fell behind last week, don't worry about it, you'll have the same schedule next week and you've lived this long without having done it... go to church, take the kids to the park, DON'T DO ANY DAILY D's either... you deserve to rest!

Ok... so you see by the end of the week my house is pretty well taken care of, I've cleaned the bathroom (by the way I only clean one per week and rotate them each week), all the bedrooms are clean, the living room and kitchen have been cleaned every day when doing your daily D's.... you've done a great job and your house looks awesome! 
There are several things like dusting, and cleaning main room windows and things like that, that I didn't mention, and to be honest they don't get done that often in my home, but that is because 1. I like my kids and like spending time with them more than I like dusting and 2. When I find that I didn't have a lot to do in the kitchen, or when Thursday rolls around and I don't have any reason to get ahead of myself this makes a perfect time to get those extras that otherwise get ignored.

Ok.. I'm done boasting... I do however want to say that this schedule that works so wonderfully for me and makes me so excited to keep going on... it came from the same dark place that this blog came from.  When I was stuck in PTSD from my daughter's birth I found I needed concrete goals and started with a simple approach to keeping up my laundry... I didn't accomplish it all in one week, (I didn't this time either after having been sick so long)... I took it slow, found what worked for my family, and went with it... and once I mastered ONE task I moved on to another without dropping the first one.  Flylady is an awesome resource for teaching that sort of thing, she starts with just shining your sink... absolutely no other task the first day!  I was annoyed by her approach and decided to alter it slightly to make my goals a little better in the beginning... and since I cared less about dishes than I did about having clean clothes I started there.

Seriously take some time for yourself, figure out what works and GO WITH IT... and DON'T GIVE UP!