Drained

It happens once in awhile that you have gone full speed ahead and then hit a wall, you can't climb it, can't go under it and there isn't a way around it, and you just have to stop and allow the world to overtake you for a time...
It happened to me this week.
Last week I managed to get my house in order, I posted about that, and it was rewarding and EXHAUSTING, but I did it, and was so happy, and anticipated that this week would go much easier because of all the hard work I'd done last week.. I was only slightly wrong, as I sit here with two loads of unfolded laundry in front of me and another in the dryer waiting for me to retrieve them.
Last weekend was AMAZING and tiring.  It was Mother's Day weekend, and my birthday was on Monday, so knowing how my husband rarely plans a thing I decided that I'd plan my own time, and went to the Holland Tulip Festival for the weekend, staying at a cousin's house to get as much enjoyment out of it as possible... however, Friday morning as we packed up to leave it was cold and raining and the weather map indicated we were not going to get out of that weather pattern after our four hour drive to Holland.  I nearly canceled the trip, but had really been looking forward to going, so I grinned, bundled and packed the car, and said a silent prayer that somehow God would make this weekend enjoyable regardless of the weather surrounding us.
The weather didn't let up at all on Friday, and we ended up looking at some shops where we could be inside, I can honestly say I saw more tulips in our home town than I did in Holland, but oh well.  After wandering the shops we called my cousin and announced we were on our way to her home.
I hadn't seen her since Thanksgiving last year and her kids are my kids ages so I was thrilled to spend some time with her.  (turns out she was pregnant at the time and didn't know it yet... )  So we have a pattern going for our kids, I had my son, a few months later she had hers, She had her daughter and a few months later I had mine.. now I'm due in October and she is due in January... very exciting! 
The next day we got up and met my sister at the Dutch Village, and endured freezing cold weather that at least was not raining, while our kids ran around riding the train they have there, and the carousel, and then after snacks in the back of my van we said good bye and started our LONG drive home...
I'm thankful for so many things, first, that my husband decided to go to Cracker Barrel, to be honest it isn't my absolute favorite restaurant, but it is one I enjoy and being that most of the restaurants we really like are located NO WHERE near our home it was refreshing to eat real food cooked by someone other than me, that wasn't from burger king or McDonald's.. and as much as I enjoy the mom and pop restaurants, I'm glad it wasn't from them either.
Once home we dropped off a birthday present to a friend of C's and got the kids home and in bed.. and then I pooped out for 3 days!  I had things I HAD to do, so I did them, but Saturday night to Tuesday morning I really can't say I did anything helpful in my home.  I may have actually gotten C's laundry in the washing machine Monday night but I don't remember.
What I do remember is that on Sunday we skipped church because I was just too tired, and P took me to a mom and pop restaurant where they gave me a rose and mint chocolate chip ice cream because it was mother's day (technically the ice cream was P's and he gave it to me).
I remember that Sunday night P came home from work with a Sara Lee Apple Pie (he wanted to get me a berry pie because I'd been craving berry pie for a few days but couldn't find one) popped it into the oven and we had a midnight birthday pie celebration!  It was a perfect transition from mother's day to my birthday...
Monday we got up early again and drove a little over an hour to my midwife appointment and got to hear our babies heart beating again!  I felt like it was a perfect birthday, nothing special, but perfect to me. 
P bought me some of the most beautiful Orchids for Mother's Day (I had to look on-line to learn how to take care of them, so I hope I don't kill them!!!) and a new radio to replace my old one that I could no longer move the volume dial on and was just wearing out in general. 
And C felt like he didn't get to get me anything for mother's day or my birthday and it made him feel bad, so all week he's been drawing me pictures in the bath tub with his bath tub crayons, the first one was a rainbow, the second one was horses, lots of horses, all the way around the bath tub... and for a 4 year old who only just started drawing anything he did an amazing job!  I knew immediately that they were horses.  And I'll be incredibly sad when I have to wash them off.  I'll have to post a picture of them another day.

I'll be honest, I got on my blog to whine and complain about today, an emotionally draining day, a horrible example of my ability to be a friend, or to mother my children with patience and love, and when I choose to instead tell about my amazing weekend last week, it has really helped me to focus more on the positives!

Tomorrow I'm leaving my family for the first time in the care of my husband alone... it is exciting and terrible at the same time.  I very much need a chance to tune out everything in my head and relax, but I also have never left my children for this long.  I'm totally confident my husband can handle it, but I will miss them too.