Facebook has a way of making you feel things that you might not otherwise feel simply because you are exposed to so many other people's oppinions and thoughts.
Today I read a status that was talking about child abuse... my thoughts were so different from what I'm sure they were supposed to be. The status was a story about a child who told it's mother that she had colored on the bedsheets with lipstick, and the mother beat the child to unconsciousness and then realized what she had done and pleaded with the baby to open it's eyes but it was too late, the child had died. And then she see's that the child had written "mommy I love you" on the sheets.
Not only does it make me want to cry, just flat out bawl my eyes out, but it makes me think of PPD. People who beat their children this badly are not just ill-informed, they are sick. I mean they really have a problem that has been passed by probably several times, no one recognized a person's cry for help. Have you walked by a man with both his hands on his forehead looking up to the sky or down to the ground, have you thought 'my that lady looks stressed out' as you passed a woman with three kids and a shopping cart in the grocery store, or thought about all the issues your co-worker is having at work and how it might effect their home life or vs. versa?
Most people compose themselves really well in public, and when they get home they feel either safe to relieve the pressure, or they are just so pent up inside that they explode without thinking when they get home. If you see someone that looks honestly stressed in public think what must be happening at home!
I don't spank C very often but occassionally I do, and I don't have any gull about it when I do, but I have honestly had moments where I knew I was going to lose control if I gave into that sort of punishment, so I decided not to even go there, instead I put C in his room and go find an opportunity to relax in some way, though it rarely works.
Do I feel bad for the babies who have died because of parents without the proper tools to handle their frustration? YES, absolutely, but do I feel bad for the parent who not only has to live with this guilt, but will probably do so in prison? EVEN MORE. They need help, it is an extremely rare thing to hear of a parent who wanted to harm their child.. I mean when they settled down and realized what had happened didn't feel guilty about it... it just doesn't happen, we are built to love these little bundles, with large eyes and wobbly walking habits... we don't mean to hurt them! Everyone is guilty of accidentally hurting someone else one time or another in our lives. I wonder if people think about the reasons behind the actions.
Has that woman been struggling with PPD for the last 3 years undiscovered, has she felt like she was a horrible mother and couldn't handle this life, like she wasn't made to stay at home with a child who clings to her constantly? Has she broken inside thinking that not only was it the worst thing ever to have had this baby, but how much she loves him/her, and how she feels trapped, but she wouldn't want to have anyone else have the child because they have infact given her a lot of joy... has she dreamed for years of being a mom only to discover that she sucks at the job?
All of those negative thoughts are rarely true, but has she told anyone about them or is she suffering in silence, putting on a smile and painting her face so no one knows how guilty she is or how bad she is at getting this mothering thing down?
I want to weep for the mom who would break to that length and hurt her child.
Confession, I threw a basket (nothing harmful in it) at the wall, the basket had the cord to our lamp inside and I didn't know, the lamp fell on my baby! I trust myself a little less now. But at least I'm getting help... how many people out there feel like there is no help, like they made the bad choice and now they have to live with it.