Mommy and Me

Mommy and Me
Sharing life with you is fullfilling

Sunday, May 15, 2011

The bigger the plan the harder the fail

I was overwhelmed yesterday just thinking of the monumental task that waited for me today.  I stayed up 30 minutes later than I should have because of my pumping schedule, and was worried that it would make this morning even more difficult.
I had no idea how today would go, all the things I worried about were fine.  after going to bed I actually got to sleep until 4am, That is the first time F has slept 7 hours straight!  Nevermind the fact that I didnt sleep for 7 hours, I was excited to wake up at 4am instead of 1:30am!  So after giving her a bottle I had already prepared for her I went back to bed.  And then right on schedule F woke me up with her playing at 6:30am, I actually jumped out of bed thinking it was much later than it was.  But since it was 6:30am I changed F's diaper and decided it was time to be awake.  this should give me plenty of time to be ready for church this morning!  P left for work 2 hours ago, and I'm on my own, extra time is welcome!
After the diaper change I gave F her cereal since I had no breastmilk to give her yet, she didnt do so well with it today, gagged a few times but didnt puke or anything so we were ok.  Then I got her dressed and medicated, and oiled up so she was glistening shiney (cant wait for her eczema to clear up, I really hope it will).  Then I put her in the pac n' play and took a shower, I knew C was up but really needed a shower and didnt trust him not to 'give' his sister a heavy dangerous toy while I was showering.  Once showered I got C up gave him breakfast and took F to her room pumped and then fed her the bottle, and laid her down for her morning nap.  C finished eating got down from the table and came to brush his teeth while I put my hair up.  Then since F was sleeping and i had a minute so I put on some make-up, the C pooped in his diaper we talked about how it goes in the potty, I changed him, then he insisted on wearing a tie (because mommy was) and I gave him one but had to chage his shirt, F woke up I scooped her up slipped my feet in some flip flops and grabbed my phone and went for my keys only to find that I had no idea where they were.  I checked the car and all my normal key dropping places, then I started checkin random places like cupboards and drawers... I can't find them! 
The last place I remember having them was in my back pocket, I'm actually wearing those pants today and I hung them up last night so I know they didn't fall out on the floor, and they are not in my pocket now (the coin I took from C yesterday is there, but no keys). 
Then my temper started coming on.  Amazingly quick actually.  I sent a text to P to ask if he knew where they were, he didn't respond so I called, he didn't answer, I searched some more, called again, no answer, searched some more.. Prayed, and still couldn't find them.. then I needed to tell someone about my distress so I put it on facebook.. and two people 'liked' my comment.. probably because they can relate, but that just made me want to cry... so I did.
C started acting up because he was all ready to go but we were not leaving, and I over reacted and yelled at him, I must have been rather scary cause I've only ever seen him respond the way he did when his dad gets mad and impatient with him.  I left the room for a good amount of time to try to calm down but the fact that I couldn't find my keys just followed me around the house... taunting me about how I was not going to make it to church, how they were counting on me because I have the speakers in my car for children's church, how i had put ALL THAT EFFORT into getting there and now I was failing because of something simple like keys.  Eventually I realized that C was not around so I returned to the last place I saw him, and there he was laying on the floor just like I'd left him... poor boy.. I felt bad and gave him a hug and explained that mommy was just really frustrated. 
A few minutes went by and I'm still sitting here thinking "where did I put them?"  and C walks up and steps on something and announces that he is doing so, and I tell him that it will break if he stands on it and he just smiles, OH CHILD!  I tell him to GO... SIT DOWN!!!  and he cries a little whimper, I've scared him again, a few minutes later I turn around and he is sitting on the couch zoned out entirely.. I feel incredibly bad... Poor little boy I'm totally screwing you up!  This is my hyperactive, cheerful two year old, and he has laid on the floor for about 5 minutes because mommy hurt his feelings, and then sat on the couch because mommy told him to but is doing it in such an quiet unusual way.  Bad mommy! 
I still can't find the keys, put a movie in for C and put F back down to sleep since 10 mins is not enough time for a nap... I guess we are staying home today!
I know they are here somewhere, I did have them yesterday, I guess I just have even more reason to clean my house today!  Like I needed more reasons!

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