P took our dog up to be buried in his sister's yard, and I have been crying so much and needing a little break, not just from the dog issue, but more from ALL the things going on lately, and before he left he threw some new thoughts at me.... I hate that sort of timing, but they were very valid thoughts...
P's getting out of the military, we are moving, and until yesterday our thoughts of moving were TOTALLY focused on going to Oklahoma, even though both of our families have been pressuring us to move closer to family. We have friends in Oklahoma who are very much like family. There are a lot of job opportunities in Oklahoma in the area that P has worked for the last 7 years, so it seems like the most logical choice when compared to the areas where our families live.
His family up in Merced, there is no need for an aircraft mechanic there, though his step dad is a doctor and could guarantee him a job working in his office (it probably wouldn't pay the bills that well though). And his family and I are not totally on the same wave length, we often have VERY different ideas of the lifestyle we should live. I accept them, and I think they accept me, but it would be hard for me to be there all the time, especially since when we are there I lose my husband to them.
My family lives in Michigan, they are spread out all over the place so we could really live anywhere in the state and not be too close, but be close enough to ask for help if we wanted it, however I'm not particularly proud of my extended family and have very few friends left in Michigan. Let me clarify, my mom and dad are doing great and we maintain a great relationship, my sister and four brothers and I have good relationships though sort of distant, but my Sister-in-law left my brother and they are in the midst of a divorce, and their poor kids are being shuffled around. My cousin and her husband are separated. My best friend's sister who I grew up with is separated and seeking a divorce. The economy sucks, and no one has jobs, (though that is turning around and there are actually some opportunities for aircraft mechanics in Michigan). The few friends I do have in Michigan are both christian, but I don't think either of them would be particularly great at encouraging great Godly relationships, for completely different reasons. Women in Michigan tend to put their husbands down BADLY. And support systems are weak there. I mean you have your family, but I've never experienced a friendly relationship with anyone who brought me up as a christian and encouraged me with biblical advice. This all could be because my relationships were built in high school and most of them I was the sort of spiritual counselor. And unfortunately I never was able to make good friends in the churches I attended.
I'm so lost, I mean P's up there burying our dog and we've realized that we do need help, I mean we've known that, but we have done fine without that sort of help so far. but the kind of help I've grown accustomed to (great Godly and spiritual encouragement) are not available where the other kind of help we would like is available. You know when you are having a really bad day and you just need a time out and you call your mom and drop the kids off and get a time out. The downfall of having only the people your own age around is that they all have busy days, hard schedules and most of them work now days, even the ones with kids. And those who don't work have kids and have their hands pretty full as well. So P says he's going to pray about it. He's got a lot to figure out in a very short amount of time cause we bought him tickets to go to Oklahoma and buy us a house on Jan. 9th.
Too much to think about... and I told him I really can't even think about house work (I'm just barely getting it done) cause my mind is too filled with grief, now we have a MUCH bigger thing to think about.