Two and a half years ago I became Mommy.... four and a half months ago I became Mommy to two...
My husband is the best husband I could ask for, compassionate, understanding, a great dad, and well an all around good guy.
I often feel like I couldn't do any better, I have a great life, my husband is awesome, my kids are beautiful and well behaved (most of the time). I have some fabulous friends, and the ability to make friends about anywhere I go.
But then there are other times, when I feel as if it all fell apart. My house is always a wreck, I'm almost embarrassed to have anyone over, though generally a quick clean up makes it ok. My son watches too much tv, my daughter is not specifically breastfed. (more on that later), my husband doesn't get the respect he deserves. I am a general failure in my own eyes.
And then my son smiles and offers me some of his coveted pretzels when I'm crying.. and I realize I can't have done everything wrong. Life is FULL of ups and downs, and moments where I'm sitting in a earily still pool somewhere in between the up and the down....
I know the facts, I know that 1 in 5 women will have some form of Post Partum Depression (PPD) beyond the baby blues. I know that to reset your brain chemistry you need 5 straight hours of sleep. I know that situational problems can add to the feelings of hopelessness and that I NEED to relax... but the practice is a little beyond me.
I think the most important thing is that I need to remember that I'm not just Mommy, I'm also Me... I am a really awesome mommy, but I'm even better when I know that I'm me too.
so this blog is going to help me to journal my thoughts, my problems, the cures, and the attempted cures to my depressive issues. I'm not going to be telling you anyone's names, not real ones anyway, and my reason for that is my family, and my husband's family. i have another blog where I have kept it very open, but I don't feel I can discuss the REAL issues about my life because EVERYONE can see them, and I feel like it is impossible to be honest about stuff when I know certain judgy people are reading.
So this is me, uncovered, totally real, and slightly secretive!
My name is Samantha, I'm married to P, We have a 2 year old son C, and a 4.5 month old daughter F.
Are you ready to take a journey with me?