Mother's Day

Patrick works an odd schedule, nights for 6 days, days for 6 days, and then off for 6 days.  This week he is working nights, which is a bummer because he misses some of the things that are typically important... Mother's Day, and my birthday... which also happen to fall on the same day this year.
I was gearing up to just forget the day as much as possible.. I mean I'm turning 34, and my oldest child is only 9, so it is either celebrate yourself and feel silly, or forget about it because your kids are not old enough to do the planning for you.  I can't say it didn't bother me, it really did, but I felt foolish for being bothered by it.  So I just didn't talk to anyone about it much.
When people asked (and only a few did so it worked out alright) I would just say bluntly, honestly and without much emotion that I had no plans and that we'd probably just do church, which I was serving in the nursery for, and then eat something on the way home and just chill out there for the rest of the day.  Nothing too exciting.
BUT yesterday my husband surprised me.  He asked me if I wanted to celebrate my birthday on Wednesday since he would be off that night in preparation for switching to his day shift, and it honestly melted my heart that he had even thought about it at all.  This may not be a big deal really, and it isn't, but to me it meant a lot.  Patrick does not plan things.  As an example we decided a few years ago to switch off whose family we would see each year, last year was my family, so this year it is his family... BUT I keep asking him when he wants to go and he doesn't answer, he doesn't really switch the subject, but he never answers.. I think he is incapable, I say, you say the month and I'll make all the arrangements and he says "ok" and then we never get anywhere on the issue... So when my husband had picked a day, suggested a plan (eating at a restaurant) and asked me my opinion it was kind of shocking, and a lot appreciated. I was prepared (and happy) to let that be the plan and go with it, still forgetting as much as possible about the whole mother's day/birthday on Sunday thing.
I was riding on cloud nine just thinking about how he'd remembered my birthday at all... and I told him how much it meant to me, talked to my mom and a few other people about how I was so impressed and happy about the situation, just in general felt GOOD to be remembered.  And then this morning he came home and didn't come straight to the bedroom, I figured he was greeting the kids or something, I'm not normally awake when he comes in on his night shift (I don't sleep well when he isn't here, and the kids all know how to get their morning chores done and make their own breakfast so it doesn't really matter if i'm up at 7:30am or 8:00am. But I was actually up, and half dressed because Esmarie had taken her diaper off and was walking around diaperless at 7:20.  I spotted a pair of Micah's pants that were nice and thought he might need them for church so I called him over to give him the pants.  When he came he looked excited (still wasn't thinking much about Patrick not coming straight to the bedroom like he usually does) Micah starts stammering about 'we got' or 'there's something' and it hits me that Patrick has done something for me, though I still don't know what... and I don't want to foil his surprise, so when Sapphira walks up to Micah and says "Don't Tell Micah", I simply tell him to go take care of the pants, no longer caring that they are nicer than the ones he's wearing, but just trying to get him to not say what he's trying to say and move on.  I walk away closing the bedroom door behind me and thinking about the fact that I'm half dressed, and need to finish getting dressed, but any moment I can expect my children to walk in with my husband and whatever they have planned....
Quickly I grab the rest of my clothes and go to the bathroom to put them on so that they don't walk in and find me in my underwear or worse...After changing I come into the bedroom and there, holding a chocolate cake is my husband, still in his work uniform, my daughter holding some beautiful blue dyed Orchids, and my two boys, Esmarie is somewhere behind them getting into things and oblivious to whats happening, but still present.  They sing happy birthday to me and  I cried. 
Church was ok, I held a crying toddler for the whole service, she eventually fell asleep, I think she finally trusted me enough to relax. Then we got our picture taken at the photo booth they had set up, someone asked where Patrick was and I had to explain that he was working nights this week so he wasn't there.  Two people found out it was my birthday, and everyone wished me a happy mother's day... it was generally a good time.. but not many people even knew it was my birthday and it always feels so weird to explain that mother's day isn't JUST mother's day for me, so I didn't tell them.
We went out to get lunch at a family restaurant, and then came home... I generally just decided not to do anything responsible, cause it's my birthday, and just enjoyed being lazy, took a nap, and made dinner and avoided anything else that might have been done.
But I'm still riding the waves of joy from the beautiful thoughtfulness of my husband... who as I said, is not a planner, and went above and beyond anything I expected.  Oh and he also got me chocolate... so my candy jar is full again.. Even the boring birthdays are great birthdays when you are not forgotten.
But this has all made me think more about how I feel about mother's day. 
In general I love the holiday, the idea of celebrating moms for the work they do, it is absolutely amazing.  I'm glad we have a holiday for that.  There are mother's who have birthed babies, mother's who have adopted babies, mother's who have carried and lost babies before ever meeting them, the walk is different for all of us, and sometimes you come across a childless woman who whether by choice or circumstance never had a child, but she is the most motherly person you'll ever meet (we've got one at our church), and all of them need to be celebrated.  Mothering is a tough job!  I do not include all women in this holiday, because before becoming a mother I do not think I needed to be celebrated on mother's day for being a woman capable of having children, it is not even remotely the same as being a mother. 
But I have ALWAYS had a rivalry for mother's day.  First I was born on Mother's Day, the actual day.  My mom always said she had missed getting a rose on her first mother's day so when she was pregnant with me she was excited to go to the church service where she knew she would be given a rose... and instead she ended up in labor with me, a sunnyside up giant baby, and no one from the church thought to bring her the rose she had wanted so badly... so I guess it started the year I was born. 
As I grew up my mom and her sister and my grandma started to plan mushroom hunting trips in the spring, it became a regular and traditional trip, however the mushrooms in Michigan are always in their peak season the weekend of Mother's Day... which was always the weekend of my birthday celebration... which meant that mom was often gone around my birthday, sometimes on my birthday, and I never felt forgotten, I think mom always made a point to make sure she was there for my actual birthday, but I do remember one year she actually asked me how I felt about her leaving because my birthday was actually during the time they had planned the trip.  She did a great job of making me feel special... but the world didn't.  No one knows it is your birthday when Mother's Day comes around.  No one cares or thinks about birthdays when Mother's Day is around.  Every mother that walks into a restaurant, or public place is greeted with a smile and a "Happy Mother's Day", but the little girl celebrating her birthday is just a weird aside from the real special day...
And so my weird issue with mother's day just grew... I don't hate it, I love it, but I don't like my birthday to be so close to it.
Now I thought I'd dealt with that as a mom, but this is only the second mother's day I've had as a mother that actually shared my birthday... the last one was in 2012.  So I guess I realized today that I feel weird still about this odd holiday. 
I don't call anyone but my own mother for Mother's Day... I don't text anyone either, especially when it is the same day as my birthday.  If anyone texts/calls/leaves me a Facebook message with a 'happy birthday' I reply "happy mother's day to you!  But I don't think I've ever, until this year, publicly said Happy Mother's Day on social media.. maybe I have, but I don't remember.  It just feels weird, on your birthday to wish everyone else a happy day.... it shouldn't because it is actually a beautiful thing... but it does.
But this year I thought about all the moms I've served as a doula, all the moms that I've learned from, all the moms that I've walked this road with, all the moms that I've observed from afar, all the moms that pour their hearts out every day, in happiness, sadness, weariness, bittersweet moments, harsh realities, and every other situation... and I'm truly blessed... so VERY BLESSED to know so many women who mother so well... and who are not afraid to be real about it.  Motherhood is a hard journey... and I shouldn't feel weird sharing this day with so many amazing women... yeah it takes some of my spot light (not that I am prone to asking for a spot light) but it also is just amazing to know that these women should be celebrated too... regardless of what day their holiday falls on.