I'll admit there are probably grammatical problems and will need revision eventually as these errors are made known to me, but I finished the task that God had given me... and I was weightless for a small time. And then it hit me, why would God stop at just one request of my humble life? He probably wouldn't. What I mean to say is that the more time that passed after finishing the book the more I felt lead to study and research things that were not in the book, that perhaps would be helpful to families, maybe women, but perhaps men as well.
This led me to the feeling that I needed to start writing more, not just on occasion, but often, and about many topics, as I felt God led me to do so.
The first was about Children, and so this blog entry is the result of that study, and also my personal life experiences that go along with it. I originally had a plan to have 4 children. Not as many as my 'crazy' parents who had 6, and not so few that I didn't give them playmates to grow up with. I determined the plan was to have my first baby and if it was a girl I would have another, if a boy have another, if twins then no more, because the plan wouldn't necessarily work... the second baby if the same gender as the first would be my last baby, if the opposite gender I would go on to have a third. After having either two boys or two girls, and possibly one other child which would be the opposite gender of the two, then I would adopt another child of the gender I had less of. Thus making my family a perfect 6 person family with two boys and two girls, a mom and a dad.
Life is funny... I married Patrick and we agreed to only have 3 children. But then after our 2nd child was born we had a miscarriage/ectopic pregnancy, and then a healthy third child, and then a surprise pregnancy that also ended in miscarriage and my husband somehow underwent a change of heart and decided to let God determine our family size and actually 'tried' to enlarge our family, resulting in our 4th healthy term baby.
During my fourth pregnancy (for our third living child) I started reading 'above Rubies', if you are not familiar with it, let me tell you a little about it. The editor and author of the magazine believes that children (as the bible says) are a heritage from the Lord, and many believe that means she and her 'followers' believe that woman should intentionally bring as many babies into the world as they possibly can, trying to get pregnant and have more and more children.
I can say that as many articles as I have read I've never seen them outright say this, and though it could be true I just have not seen the evidence. However the stories did fascinate me, and led me to the decision that though I would honor my husband in our decision of having only 3 children I would no longer let my heart get tied up in being 'in control' of my fertility and just take things as they come, and let my husband and God figure out the details. Thus letting the worry and stress of watching my fertility signs come and go and monitoring every detail of them, just release. I would actually still be doing this, because as I mentioned I wanted to honor my husband and let him and God decide, I just simply made the decision that it wasn't mine to worry about, I would simply give the information I gathered about my cycle to my husband and let whatever happened happen.
And then Saera (miscarried at 6 weeks) and Esmarie (birthed at home) happened. And I believe that God changed the heart of my husband toward his children. And then we both decided together that I no longer needed to monitor my fertility at all... and so I stopped, and that is how I became pregnant again.
This led me to read more about quiver-full families, a name given to families who likewise choose to have many babies to honor the Lord, the name is in reference to what King David says in Psalm 127:3-5 "Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court."
These people I originally believed had a mind set that led them to just trust God in his plan for the number of children they would have, however some believe and perhaps it is true, I really don't know, that they actually try to have as many children as possible regardless of anything that might cause them not to continue having children... be that finances, health, space.... whatever the case may be. My point here is not to speculate on that, but that discovering that some believed that, made me more and more curious about what God himself has to say about children.
The more I read about children the more it became clear to me that children are a blessing, a gift from God, but he doesn't give them only to the righteous, and not everyone appreciates the ones they have been given. And the other prevailing thought I had was that neither God in the old testament or Jesus in the new testament suggests a number of children we should strive for, or even that we should in deed strive for them... although there are plenty of stories of barren women who longed and prayed, even claimed they would die if they were not given children, and it was considered a sin for a man to withhold children from his brother's widow. (to read the whole story about Onan and Tamar, check out Gen 38).
While I cannot back up my specific point of view with biblical verses I think my personal study shows a few things about my heart and the heart of God toward children.
Jesus claims that you have to be 'child like' to enter the kingdom of heaven, and that the children should be allowed to come to him when the disciples tried to boot them out of his personal space in Matthew 19. Jesus showed great love and compassion for children, and God called them blessings and knew them intimately while knitting them together in the womb of their mother... so my idea here is that God LOVES children... and since he calls them a blessing to the father (although he clearly asks that they honor and obey their mother and father and says that a child who does not heed their mother or father is a fool and a shame to their parents), I have to believe it is not of him to keep yourself from having babies....
I'll pause here to say that this is the conclusion I have drawn for myself, and has nothing to do with where God has called YOU to be... if you feel your health or other factors would make it unwise to have another baby, then by all means you pray and have some personal reflection time with your bible and God himself and figure it out for your family and yourself, I am NOT making decisions for your family.
Now that I've decided that birth control for my family is not right, I also need to look at the opposite of that... and that would be to TRY to have more babies...
God is the maker and giver of life so no matter how hard I try I will not conceive if God has not decided that I should, and so I feel that this falls into the line of worry, which God clearly tells me not to do.
Philippians 4:6-7 "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
So if I want a child, or if I want for anything I should pray and give God thanksgiving and leave it with him and trust that he will provide...
My analysis of all of this is simple... God gives children, God creates children, God thinks they are wonderful and a blessing, he knows them intimately before they take even their first breath, and he waits anxiously for them to in return get to know him as they grow older and learn hopefully from their parents, but perhaps from other people about him, and how to be good children, honorable, respectful and a delight.... BUT there is nothing I can do or not do to stop him from putting children in my life, or force his hand in giving me children....
Which means, why even worry about it? I've stopped worrying about it. I've stopped caring about it.... I've started to live in the freedom of complete trust in the God who created me. If I have more babies I have more blessings, and if I have no more babies, then my blessings continue through the ones he has already given me. I will not use chemicals or plastics to prevent my family from the blessings that God chooses to give us (which, begs the question would they really work if God felt I needed another child, he has ways of making that happen even if I tried to prevent them), but I will also not strive to receive more than what God has allotted as my portion. This is incredibly freeing for me.
It does not apply to me to say 'what if God gave you no children, what then?' but because it does for some, I will say only that Sarah was promised children and had none until her old age, though she wanted them. Hannah pleaded with God to receive a child and he answered her prayers. Rebekah and Rachel both struggled with infertility, and several other women in history have prayed to God to give them a child and he has granted their requests... women that I know today who pray for children are being given them, whether biologically or through adoption, and sometimes both, these women are heard by God... so I'm not asking anyone to 'give up' their cry to God for children, but if giving up the stress and worry of the how and when would help you, then perhaps you can do that, and just turn loose your fears, and worries to the Lord who provides abundantly for us all.
As for my family, we choose to just stop trying to control the outcome, and just trust God, in this and so many other areas of our lives... and so far, we are blessed indeed, four sweet babies to fill my arms, one growing in my womb and two waiting in heaven for me to greet them one day on my arrival to that forever home with Jesus. 7 children, all incredible blessings from the Lord, and should more come along in the future, I'll raise them the best I can, and lean on the Lord for strength and comfort, because raising children is hard work... and worth every moment!
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