I've not been really vocal about anything lately, I'm sitting in disbelief that this is what my life looks like at 33 years old.
In Feb. of 2016 Patrick and I were expecting another baby and bought what was meant to be our forever home... you know I feel a bit like a kid in fostercare, or a puppy at the pound when I refer to my house as a forever home, but the truth is, I just want to settle in somewhere.
I'll be honest I didn't even hang all my pictures, always waiting for something, at first I was waiting to find the perfect entertainment center to put in the living room, Patrick was going to make it for me, and it was going to be awesome... but then a year after moving in, when we were in the middle of figuring out how to raise chickens and I was busting it trying to budget for a fence for the goats we would be bringing home in a month or less, BAM my world was shaken up.
Patrick walked in the house with this look on his face, I knew before he said it. I've seen that look before, I've seen it a lot of times actually. He'd lost his job. This one lasted 2 years, but THANKS to the avionics world it was gone now. The plan had been that if this happened again Patrick would find work locally and we'd stay here... but as soon as he was laid off the talk began... are we moving? Well we sure as hell were not getting goats.
Now it's been 6 months. We are preparing to celebrate our youngest child's 1st birthday... the unemployment ran out, and being a doula full time is like a distant dream, I don't know what happened there, but I felt God calling me to use my talents elsewhere, I'm still doulaing for those that hire me, but I'll be honest I have one client, and she may not be able to pay... (if you are reading this friend you know my heart and it is TOTALLY ok! We'll work it out, and I'm here for you!).
Patrick had a phone interview with this really incredible looking company, I was excited, but guess what? That didn't happen!
So what now? I don't know. I've been walking around trusting God has been leading my steps, but the stress of the not knowing is really getting to me. I can't handle it much longer.
Our options are vast, but honestly I don't like any of them. Here in Oklahoma he could find work, but it wouldn't pay nearly what he was being paid. OR we could move and he could do the work he's been doing that he hates, and we could be literally anywhere in the country. OR He could get an entirely different job using this company that totally fixed his resume and got him the phone interview with the company that just refused him (for lack of experience) but again that would most likely mean that we have to move AGAIN... and we've told them we'd only like to either work here in Oklahoma (no job with them available currently) or near Battle Creek Michigan (near my family) and they have one other option in that area, so we will see what happens from here.
Oh and guess what? He put in for a job in Ardmore, OK, so that means that if he were to get it he would be traveling every week to work and seeing us on the weekends. Yup, that's the life I'm living right now, I am either faced with seeing my husband every day, all the time (which would be wonderful if he were present when he is here, but because he's been upset about his job track record we actually don't spend much time being a family unit), or I can see him only on the weekends. But the good/bad news is, that job is only a temp job anyway, so it won't last. YAY it won't last, MAN it won't last!
And I just want to say one more thing. If you are just checking out the many jobs available and not really seriously looking for work, then using a job placement agency seems like a great thing, but if you really truly need work, and everyone is hiring through these companies, there are things you need to know. 1. They will only put you in for one job at a time, and if you are desperate for work, they don't care, because it is their reputation that is damaged if more than one company wants to hire you and they put you in for more than one job, because ultimately they won't be able to place you with two or more companies. 2. They don't like it if you work with more than one agency and you risk making them mad (which means they make you either a last priority or not a priority at all) if you let them know you are working with another company to find work. 3. If you are living on unemployment and it is running out and you don't have a job yet because it takes one to two weeks to find out if you got one job, you probably are not going to get hired quickly, so don't hedge your bets and wait any longer than you have to, cause it is rough, and they don't care about you, they care about money. It may be their job to get you a job, but they don't have to do it quickly, they have to impress the companies they put you in to work for, and sorry, you are just another of the many people they are finding employment for.
I'm sorry for using this blog to rant about the life I live. I've been praying, praying so hard for all the things that are going on here, but in the end, I know it is all in God's timing. And HIS plan.... which ultimately looks nothing like mine, and will be good, but in the waiting, I'm hating it.
Please join me in prayer for my family, and the life we are facing right now. I'm losing my stuffing... I've lost my compass, I've lost my direction, I can't see my hand in front of my face, but I keep walking, and I'm trusting that God has this under control and is about to bless my socks off.