Settling in

*this post was from the beginning of the month.  I didn't realize it was never published.

This is the month when we choose whether we settle in for the winter or move on. This is the game changer month. It is also a month of financial dependence on God because we are strapped for cash.
In Indianapolis I took Caeden to the minute clinic and they sent me directly to the hospital because he may have appendicitis.  He didn't,  thank God, but the bill finally found us this month, and it is a whopping $800.00, I think health care is over charging but that is another story. Last month as you recall I had my wrist worked on and that bill was about $400, and over labor day weekend Micah was seen at the ER because the minute clinic was closed, so who knows how much that bill will be. Then there was sad news brought to us, Patrick's father passed away, Patrick didn't really know him, but we hope to send at least him to Colorado for a graveside service they are planning in early October. And last but not least our mortgage will most likely be coming out of our pocket this month because our Tennant has given us notice that he is moving out and we hired a maintenance company to take care of the house and they took their fees from his last month's rent. Tough month for finances right? I'm sticking tight to our budget and trying not to go over at all, even trying to stay under it, but my solace is in a heavenly father who can provide for all our needs.
Back to the whole settling in part though. We have a three year plan to pay off the home we own and rent out, it is totally doable if we are diligent. But we still want roots. Do we want them in Oklahoma where our house is and our friends live?  Or do we want them somewhere else?  We have always wanted to go back to Oklahoma,  but we also occasionally entertain the idea of going to Colorado and getting to know Patrick's family.
What are we going to do? We don't know, but we really would like to honestly settle in somewhere, and for at least the next 4 months we have to make the decision in the next two weeks.
Be in prayer for us would you?
How can I pray for you today?

He is home

Patrick left town to take care of some legal matters after his father passed away, and he came home yesterday.  I'm so happy to have him back!
He came back full of things to say about his mother's side of the family, a lot of them live in the area and he hadn't seen them in years.  But little to say of his father's family;  unfortunately they were not in town, and we hope to plan another trip to see them together at some point.
The kids and I created a fill in the blank game while Patrick was gone, the game goes like this, me: "Daddy is going to be so blank to get home. " Caeden: "happy" and we make up sentences together for whatever we think up, yesterday all of our sentences revolved around daddy!  It is fun when they are big enough to understand your excitement over things and join in on it!
Though we had to be at the airport at 12:30 we still went to church yesterday, we had to leave early but I didn't see any reason we couldn't go, so we went. And Pastor Dale asked me to share my testimony of the last year.  I pray that God used it for good but I have no idea what he has done with it as I had to leave service early.  But though I have said it many times I am so glad to have our family together living in this trailer,  I prefer that over us being separated by states while Patrick works the jobs his contracting company finds him.
Our house is little but God knows where to find us, and more often than not we will be together.

Letter to God

*below you will find the contents of a letter written to God during my quiet time and bible study this morning.  It is not meant to be an example of how to pray, it is not meant to teach theology, it is simply a letter written to my heavenly father that I am willing to let you read.

"Dear Heavenly Father,
There is so much to thank you for this morning!  Thank you that Boomer is being quiet, that Micah went back to sleep, that Caeden and Fia are still asleep and that I get to spend this time with you this morning. 
Thank you for sorting things out with Patrick's family and for the honesty of his uncle.  We needed that honesty, and now Patrick can rest in the knowledge he has gained.
Thank you for paving a clear path toward our winter plans.  Though I still do not know what they are I trust you and your ability to 'handle the details'.
Thank you for making this week easy on me.  Not having Patrick here is always difficult but you have made it easier.
As I was reading I found a few verses that seem to have both answered some questions and left me with more I hadn't until now thought to ask.
I have never believed the notion of 'once saved always saved' because to me it would imply that if you confess in your heart and believe in Jesus and his saving grace but then later denounce him and live a life far from the service of God you will still receive heaven, but doing that seems to me to be worse than never knowing Jesus at all.
I talked to my dad about my brother and the way he has been living these last few years.  He has not out loud ever (at least that I know of) claimed he doesn't believe, but his actions are certainly not producing fruit and may be doing more harm than good.  I can't say he is denouncing you, I don't know if he is or not but the verses made me think of him and pray for him.
"4For it is impossible to restore again to repentance those who have once been enlightened and have tasted the heavenly gift, and have shared the Holy Spirit, 5and have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the age to come, 6and then have fallen away, since on their own they are crucifying again the Son of God and are holding him in contempt. 7Ground that drinks up rain falling on it repeatedly, and that produces a crop useful to those for whom it is cultivated, receives a blessing from God.  8But if it produces thorns and thistles, it is worthless and on the verge of being cursed; it's end is to be burned over." Hebrews 6:4-8
Based on the last verse alone I think there are a lot of people who are in danger of fire.
No one but you can know the heart of a person, or the extent of their struggle to pursue you, but God my heart is crying out to you.  Please gather these confused and lost sheep. Help them to turn away from the desire to have what the world offers as temporary compensation for denying you.
And with a particular friend in mind reach the hearts of those that have yet to follow you.  I've said it a lot lately 'a failure to make a decision is still a decision,' so Lord please make it obvious what choice they are making and how important this decision is, how life altering it is, and help them to see you in a true and radiant light.  If they could see you, it is almost certain what their choice would be.
Thank you Lord again for your grace. I pray you flood me with the same grace as I go through this day with the children.
Love,
Samantha

Special thanks

Special thanks to a little boy who woke up at 4:30am and decided that was when the day started I didn't get my bible study or letter to God written today. He loves to try tearing the pages up and sitting right on top of what I'm writing if I try doing it with him! He is like your favorite cat and dog wrapped up in smiles and laughter when you are attempting to do anything that doesn't have him right in the epicenter.  And who could resist playing with a boy so charming?
So instead of my letter to God this morning I'm going to share a 5th wheel Living moment.

Trash! And Laundry! Two things that in a normal sized house are annoying and need constant attention, are in a 5th wheel the biggest problems I face daily.

There is no place for a giant kitchen trash can in a 5th wheel which means that if I am on top of things I will take the trash out a minimum of two times a day. And most rv park dwellers have lovely little golf carts that they will load up and take down to the bins but I don't do things the easy way. I fill a bin of my own  outside with a lid.. it is really just a lightweight metal trash can with a lid. And when it is full I transport it to the kids wagon and we go for a family walk (unless Patrick is home then one of us can go and we don't all need to). Caeden pulls the wagon,  Fia pushes her baby doll stroller,  I walk Boomer and push Micah's stroller and off we go.
Landry is also a thing of worry. Where do you keep the baskets? So far I have three baskets. Two are your regular rectangular ones and they are kept stacked on Boomers kennel out of the way until laundry day. One of them generally becomes a catch all.  It is meant to be where the unmatched socks stay until their love is found and they can be moved to their homes but generally everything on the table gets put in the basket if I'm finished cooking and the kids have not finished cleaning it off.
I also have a laundry hamper that stays just inside the doorway of my bedroom and collects laundry all the time. When this basket is full I have two loads to wash,  when it is overflowing I have three.  Our family usually creates a load of laundry every day and I try to go down to the wash house every other day.
This chore is a bit easier.  Again I load the wagon with two baskets (that is all that fits) laundry detergent and quarters (I recently acquired a draw string bag to keep my quarters in and love it!) The children can stay at home for this trip since I can see our door from the door of the wash house. And hear Caeden if he hollers for me. I know that it takes 8 quarters to wash each load and 34 minutes. I know it takes 5 or 6 quarters depending on the contents of the load to dry a load. And since I'm so close I leave the laundry to do its thing and return home to be with the children instead of staring at the machines. Unfortunately this means occasionally something happens with the children that prevents me from getting back right away and some times ties up the machine for someone else... but I do set an alarm on my phone to remind me of when it will be done.
Lately Fia has been my laundry assistant. She comes with me and helps me load the machines and it is her job to put the quarters in and turn on the machine.  She can mostly do this without help.
Another day I will try taking pictures of our organization for children's clothing.
For now I need to take a broom and gather everything on the floor and get the children to pick up their things, it works pretty well if I tell them anything left on the floor goes in the trash. I have never had to throw anything of real value away... but I would if it came to it and they know it.
Have a great day!  Thanks for visiting my 5th wheel living moment. Leave a comment I love to hear from people.

Feeling challenged

Lately I have been blessed to read some blogs by women totally in love with Jesus and it has been challenging me to do something more vocal to share my own love for Jesus.
Women living well is a great inspiration point. I would link it but my phone is behaving a bit wonky and I can't figure it out at the moment. So look it up I promise it is worth while.
Anyway I'm inspired to put my faith and more out there for you all to see. So I'm going to make it a goal to put one of my "letters to God" on my blog once every week.  This goal is a bit lofty so bare with me if I don't manage. To be honest I don't even always write a letter to God once a week,  but I try to do it daily. As Micah is sleeping better once again I think I should be able to manage it a bit better for at least the time being.
Just so you know what a "letter to God" is, I will explain.  It is exactly what it sounds like. Whenever I open up bible I spend time reading and praying and immediately after I write out my heart in a love letter to him, addressing it in whatever way I feel best suits the way I feel for him that day, some times as 'heavenly father' sometimes simply as 'Jesus'. And pouring out the contents of my heart there after.  These prayers are personal and I don't expect anyone to share my view point, I'm not giving them as examples of how others should pray, I'm simply allowing you to read my personal moments with Jesus my savior.
I am also going to make an effort to share a specifically 5th wheel living moment once a week. Just a little more insight to the life of living small with those who are small (namely Caeden, nearly 6, Fia, nearly 4, and Micah,  nearly 1).
So expect that first letter soon. Possibly at 5:30am tomorrow morning.

In a funk.

My husbands father passed away the beginning of the month, since he didn't know the man much at all you would think it would have little effect on us, but you would be wrong.  His father came from a family with a rich history,  financially and otherwise, but he was never given a chance to be part of their family, not really.  And his father in his last years of life due to health problems or other reasons didn't claim to have children, Patrick was his only son. The sense of belonging has been hard to navigate and is a subject that we don't see completely eye to eye on. We both agree that it is best for him to go see the family he never got to be a part of now.  And he has planned the trip. We can't all go so he is going alone.
I am not sure why but I am handling this trip badly. I believe it isn't just this trip but the uncertainty regarding it, and shortly after it I will be going on a trip myself, and that trip isn't completely scheduled either. I know I could leave in either Oct or Nov.  I don't much care for uncertainty.  It puts me in a mood.
Patrick has been getting the worst of it, which is to say he is noticing it when others are not.  I am trying not to be melancholy but that is what is happening.   God grants me the strength daily that I need for that day... but I can't help thinking about tomorrow. 
Another day has arrived. .. though it is pretty cold and my blankets are warm I must make the most of it.  Besides I'm pretty uncomfortable with Micah's attempts to crawl over my face, put his fingers up my nose and in my eyes and mouth.  His knees and elbows constantly land on my neck too.  So up I get. The children need mama to make breakfast!

Precious moments

Nursing Micah is not nearly over, but these moments of his excitement over the comfort it brings him and the nap he will get afterwards is just too sweet. I certainly will miss this time when it is over, but I also look forward to him growing and developing his own little personality and mannerisms.
Just like the other two children have already done and continue to do every day. Caeden with his aptitude for building things and discovering new science. And Fia with her growing nurturing nature.  They both amaze me constantly.
I do worry about passing on some of our bad traits as well. Like my impatience with inattention.  Or Patrick's wariness of failure.  What can I do but press on though, praying constantly that this experiment with parenting won't be a failure. 
While doing it I'm certainly holding on to every moment with these babies though because with Caeden already taller than my elbow I know my time of hugs and kisses and tender teaching moments is limited.
What is it about these children that has me so wrapped up in love? Everything! Even the rough moments like when I can not for the life of either of us get Caeden to realize that if he just focused his brain in on what we were doing he would know with out a doubt that he is reading and stop telling me he doesn't know how. Even those moments are priceless and I value them. One day instead of telling me he can't read he will be telling me what he did read and these moments will be gone.
I've got to go get some more schooling done with them... though I often lose my temper I really do love that I can teach them here in our home and experience all their exciting discoveries with them.
What are your children discovering lately?